Monday, May 31, 2010

149/365 He Approves!

Yes! David Wong approves! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah... saved at last! (For Light and Shadows that is...)

I like this picture. It was around 7.15pm I remember. No light other than the other side from the doorway. I saw the triangle and was rather intrigued by it so... I snapped it a few times until I got a clear image since I needed to use a slow shutter speed to capture it, which meant my hand had to be reaaaaaaaaaaaaaallly steady. Yay for me!

Ugh. This was such a pain to shoot. Not that it was really hard to get a good shot of this. Just that the annoying little bloodsuckers were busy assaulting my forelegs like Nazi tanks rampaging Jewish towns. UGH. But whatever man, it was worth it! I was inspired by Alex's attempt of taking windows and it reminded me of those other pictures of windows I've seen before. For some reason, windows with texture and nice shadow + lighting seem to create amazing compositions. I donno why but... maybe it's just a window to a new world?

Ok, today David covered on camera functions. Oh lemme correct that CCD is charged coupled device, not charged couple device. And uh, there are two types of image sensors. One was the CCD and another is CMOS, not Chicago Manual of Style mind you, but complementary metal-oxide semiconductor. It saves more energy compared to CCD but CCD is a more matured form of technology, therefore more reliable and longer lasting, compared to CMOS which saves energy and allows more shots due to the smaller sensors and smaller sized pictures. But the two takes about the same quality of pictures, so it isn't something you should worry about unless if you're going pro with photoshooting.

Owh, I had trouble waking up today. But I only realized that the sound of music will alert my mind and get me going after like 3 hours of after-sleep oversleeping. So... anyways, at least I know now. Maybe I already knew, just didn't occur to me in my head.

KK, got other stuff to do now. Helped my mom cut some wood with a saw just now so... I have less time to do my things now. Ciaoz.


Sunday, May 30, 2010

148/365 An Agreement Between Me and Myself

Welcome to mah world!
Ok, this is actually an accidental unintentional effect I got with my bro's DSLR cam so yeah.

Er.. before that, I forgot to illustrate the point regarding my post yesterday. The existence of blogs changes lives and whether you like it or not, for as long as you read them, they'll change you somehow, be it small or great, but it has an affect on you so... Yeah, I believe I can do the same for everyone else who reads my blog. Which is why... I'm still dead set on blogging!!

Ok, I plan to not plan for the whole week. Wait, no, I plan to not plan for the rest of my life. Is that even possible? Well, won't know until I try I guess.

Gyah, I just need a kicker to start up everything y'know. So... I'll just make this crappy lil' agreement here between me and myself.

What are the terms? What's the ca-a-atch? Nothing much really.
  • Just do your work until everything is done buy the break of Sunday. If not, then continue doing until it is done.
  • For timing assistance refer to your mp3 lifespan. When it's on, you work, when it's off and needs to recharge, you can do something else. Sounds fair?
  • You can do whatever you want, for as long as you finish everything by the break of Sunday.

So... Deal Osla?
*smacks with 100ton hammer*
Say yes you deutsche!
Ok ok phyne! I sarbmeat!

There, isn't that hard is it? Well, I've been noticing that I'm actually thinking so much of all the difficult sides of things that it's beginning to really get into my head and affect my motivational health. So.. I need to just do stuff and not think so much for a while.

Well, lucid dreams (from Zen's blog uhuhuh) a little now and then won't hurt. But meh... I always wake up late when I get them. And the deja vu's I experience are really freaky. Like hell yessss freakishness.

Owh, I forgot to add. The agreements of this contract are due in a week and begins at the break of your following wake. So as soon as you wake up, you are to commence with great diligence immediately without further delay. Will plays an important part in this so brace yourself.

Ooh oh oh, feels like I'm running a quest now!
Lol, talking to myself. Well, anyways. Yeah. So, I wanna sleep now. Ciaoz.


Saturday, May 29, 2010

147/365 Hi.

Well, that's the title of Ebilgal's blog a few days back. Well, since I've nothing else better to really talk about out, I guess, why not right? ohohoho. Yes, I plagiarized your topic title. Sue me. *winks*

And I was reading Shai's blog as well. Well, I did mention that I read all blogs I follow right? So far, there are only two things I literally live for. Sorry to disappoint you but no, it's not art. Ironically, it's my oath to do my 365 blogposts this year and... reading every single blog I'm following. Hm. Funny huh? Maybe after I graduate, I should just be a full-time blogger or something. I really take pleasure in doing this anyways. In fact, me sleeping on the floor with my com on and whatever funny blooper positions of sleeping I might have would be caused by my devotion to blogging. And yeah.. it's starting to become a lifestyle of some sort.

Regarding Shai's post, I didn't just put her name there for nothing. I making some reference for what she said. I completely agree with her statement about workflow. It's like when we start working, we can work non-stop, as though we're running away from being chased by mutant dogs. We just go. Auto-pilot was her name for it. But it still keeps us running. And by the time it hits the weekend, BAM! We all KO for no good reason and start to laze and all the funny fnas,hgbkabszkf's start to happen. Hm, I'm starting to wonder if the both of us are the only ones having this problem. But I think I could already name a few who also share the same symptom. Haha, we're humans after all... But if we compare to the old people in the old days.. I guess our generation is pretty lonely.

This is most probably due to the culture we were set in. Oh yes, I was supposed to blog about this after my SEA Survey class but I kinda zzed along the way. Haha. Well, anyways, now that I'm not referring to just notes, I feel like I could relate things regarding the point much better. Well, there's really a difference when the information lies at your fingertips correct?

So yeah, lemme present to you the horrific truth of living in SEA. Do you know why we're all worshiping or highly respecting our own family members like nobody's business all the time? Why we somehow don't feel right when we stop eating rice? Why we all always choose to remain silent and take easier ways to solve problems by letting them fade away instead of confronting them? Why females in our society have special privileges and are very different from the western world? How come we already believe in spirits even when we were young children?

Well, the answer is simple. It's just our cultural differences. Believe it or not, we're bound to our past like chains that shackle generation after generation with an ancestral disease. Everything has it's pros and cons but for our part, it's mostly pros during the ancient civilization because... it's just the place we live in.

Ever wondered why we were always laze-dwellers?
Well, this has something to do with our country being laid just around the Equator with no comings of four seasons. So to speak, we have no worry about the time because we always have a clean-cut 12 hours of day and night. Something that'd never run away nor be threatened. If you compare with other countries not of SEA, they are rather more hasty with their time and a bit more precise with timing. It's just the way they were brought up in their climate. With winter threatening to kill with cold snap, spring, the only time you'd probably get to grow good crops, summer making days unbearable and making night rather short, and the fall where you can't get much produce compared to other seasons. So it's only natural that the non-SEAsians are more punctual. Makes sense doesn't it?

How about our building techniques? Our infrastructure and building materials are rather different from Japan's if you ever wondered. They're technology are partial to the defense from Magnitude attacks of slight to devastating tremors so in order the reduce damage, it's only obvious to soften the building materials so that the buildings won't collapse with even a minor rupture on the ground. So.. yeah, Japanese just have to improvise all the time or.. they just can't live. That's just who they are, which is one of the reasons why they're such a strong country today even since the Hiroshima bombing incident.

What's the worth of respect for the higher ones? Our family respect comes from lineage of practice with our forefathers in great reference to hierarchy. We all need hierarchy and without hierarchy, there would be absolute chaos. So it seems because the religious faiths we've been brought in, all the four major religions included, are all hierarchical and must follow the pyramid pathway of things. Nothing under can go above the top and the top rules all. Like God. He's always on top. And then there's the demi-gods, deities, angles, people and well, devils and demons? So actually, it's not a very weird that we find essences of tyranny here and there in our government management system. It's like in their blood y'know? So to speak... maybe true democracy will never exist in our country. *sigh* but meh, why should I care so much right?

We eat rice because... we grow rice till this day. And if you hadn't notice, other places have higher living costs compared to ours because we SEAsians have affordable food. Unlike the west where they eat bread and meat and vegetables, our one pot of rice is already sufficient to feed 12 people in a family. And yes, rice eating is probably also due to the fact that we have big families compared to those of not SEAsian heritage.

Our non-confrontational stance? Well, duh, look at what we did for Independance! We just signed a treaty and voila. We're just peace-loving suckers. We can't afford to let people die and all, which is why we resort to cowardice. Not true? Damned true! We're always afraid of getting hurt or getting in people's way and we prefer being left alone, untouched, unscathed rather than being people's punching bag. So.. we run. But I support the tactic of running. Whether you like it or not, even Sun-Tzu uses it as a last resort for his many war strategies. The only difference is, running has never been a last resort with us, it's always the first choice! So if you wanna start being a confrontational person, you can try, but you better be damned motivated because hundreds of others might just drag you down with their aura of cowardice. What can I say man, when you're close with a certain kind of people, you'll just become like them after a period of time.

Female freedom. Owh, lemme just refer to Adat Temenggung and Adat Pepatih. Adat Temenggung is the ruling system of all states in Malaysia besides Negeri Sembilan which vouches for the greatness of ruling men whereas Adat Pepatih which is only practiced in Negeri Sembilan honours women for their divine ability to bear children, therefore giving them more privileges. But in other parts of SEA, females also have more freedom compared to the West. This is mainly since we have that matriarchal thinking of the things around us. Well, why do you think we always refer to the greatness of nature as Mother Nature and not I donno, Father Nature? Patriarchal is the counter of matriarchal mind you so.. yeah, there you have it.

Boo~! Ghost!! GYAAAAAAAAAAH! Boogey mahn iz ere tuh scarez yew! RAWR.
We believe in all sorts of spiritual things don't we? From the pontianak to lang sui and many other hantus that are brought to the belief that they exist. Well, you can thank animisme for that since that was our earliest religion. And because of that, we're also very tied to nature in case if you hadn't known. Well, when we grow produce on land, we always believed that there's something driving the crops to have better produce and protected from the many enemies of plantations and it soon grew and extended to the seas, skies and all sorts. Then... mythical stories are told to scare and make us respect nature. So... yeah. This is just the way we are.

And that's all about us SEA-tards. As for another reference to Shai's post. She's right about ho we miss stuff sometimes. I too miss the old days. Like.. it's funny y'know, how things happen. Last time, i was bullied and bullied but when I think back on it, it also seemed... pretty enjoyable. Don't get me wrong, I'm no sadomasochist. Just that I somehow understand now why kids were reacting like this. And I just laugh at how stupid I was. And from time to time, there are moment when I wish I was still there. Mm, aiyo, just go read her post la.

Speaking of which, ever wondered why it's so darn hard to just do good and get people to look highly at you but it's just so bloody easy to get around the wrong side of people and never get back their trust? Haha... nevermind. It's just something I wanna blurt out just for the sake of blurting out.

And...yes. That'd be all. I donno, thanks for reading folks?

Cheers and twinkies.

146/365 Possible last date for the year.

And such is my topic today. Won't be seeing C anymore for another 6 month after a while...
Well, regardless, we had a lot of fun today so.. yeah.

Erm, need to turn in early today. so that'd be all.


Thursday, May 27, 2010

145/365 Very filled up day

Owh, before that, lemme share some mountains from Light and Mood Study!
The first mountain. Overall was good, butt he lecturer said it'd look a lot better if muted. But I really enjoy Soon Seng's classes. He's such an energy pump of some sort and he's always so positive. Even when someone's distracting him during his critics or someone sleeping through his talks or someone repeating the same mistakes over and over, he still smiles and just be the way he is. To conclude, he's a fun lecturer. But well, lets just say I'd never ever wanna get into his bad side if y'know what I mean since people who like really smile a lot are the scariest people around when they get angry. So yeah.

Second piece. Incomplete. Need another hour. But today was filled with so much stuff, nothing else really mattered so I kinda let time pass. Well, I got a new bike for RM990, I watched 2 Hindi movies which like completely inspired me speechless... and yeah, every moment of my life is filled with the love I share with that special person even though we aren't together. It's never telepathic, or is it psychology or whatever. It's just a matter of whether we believe in it and are willing to go all the way for we believe in. C and I share that same belief and... I know we'll always be together no matter where we are. Because... we're both alive and aflame within each other's memories and hearts. Gawd, I don't think I'll ever get tired of saying this, and perhaps I might just say it even more. I love you so very awesome much C. I just know when I'm around you, I don't have to worry about anything else besides the time we have to spend with each other slipping away from our grasps as we treasure every single moment we have together.

And well, for Va Nee's SEA Survey class today.. We covered... lets see, ok I donwanna refer to my notes today so I wanna test my memory. Oh yes, Sensibilities in Malaysia. I really liked that topic despite its rather intriguing appeal to my interests. Well, let's just say it's about... what we South East Asians are sensitive about. I'll tell you what. We're sensitive, amazingly sensitive in fact, with the topic on sexuality. So much to the extent that genders played a big role in our society.

Erm.. ok, my head's getting a bit side-tracked so I'll go fetch my notes.

Ok erm, we were a Matriarchal society. Well, lets just say we allow freedom with feminisme as we acknowledge the view of the world in a lady's perspective. Ok, that might be a little hard to understand so just think... Mother Nature. That's a matriarchal subject. Or maybe Virgin mary in Christianity. Those are matriarchy in which the female's roles are far more superior than those of men, even if men were to govern the world, like the Chinese proverb, "If men rule the world, then women shall rule over men."

Then there's the hierarchical thingy, in which I think you're all very familiar with. Just that there are two in Malaysia, Adat Pepatih (matriarchal), and Adat Temenggung (patriarchal). And you know what, I'll share with you an easy way to know what matriarchal and patriarchal means. See the beginning of each of the letters? Pepatih is a pro-feminis where Temenggung is pro-masculine.

So yeah. Err.. actually I'm kinda tired so... I'll save for later I guess?


Wednesday, May 26, 2010

144/365 Drowsy morning

Er, for today's Cartoon Character Design we learned caricature. And... the subject is nice. Just that, when Bryan started talking, there was an invisible air of drowsiness looming over the atmosphere and as soon as we know it, Bryan suddenly asked, "wah, what you all do ah today? All look so tired one..."

Yeah, we all so seemingly got into the same sleepy mood. Mm, makes me wonder.
Well, there's nothing much for me to point out today but some few principles in cartooning.

There's only 3
  1. Simplify
  2. Exaggerate
  3. Distort
And yeah, it only goes through the flow of simplify to exaggerate to distort. The flow is movable, but the most ideal workpath of cartooning would be this.

Homework? Owh, draw an extra 2 full body caricatures with reference to someone you know inside out, bad or good whatever la. As long as you know that person inside out enough to bring out the characteristics that makes a good cartoon. Also, need to find references of human superheroes next week.

Yeah, that's it for class.

C joined my friends for lunch today. Went to Orange Guy's homie vegetarian and after the dine in, we both kinda agreed that Neo Kee was much better. Well, I really don't understand why everybody hates Neo Kee but whatever la, I wanna support'em.

Then... Shukes and Orange Guy brought up Shrek : The Final Chapter. And it so happened to have been released so...I decided to join in the watch. C followed me to the cinema with an empty head and so I asked her whether she wanted to watch. She vowed not to watch any movies this year but meh, guess that's broken since she decided to watch after I went to get my ticket at the counter.

Shrek : The Final Chapter was the best of all the Shrek series methinks. Well, main reason being that it made my tears roll down about thrice. I shall not reveal spoilers ohoho. But I really loved it. So... well, watch it if you have the time!

Also.. having trouble deciding which bike I should get. Well, I'll (hopefully) get it tomorrow so... my dad will be sponsoring so payment isn't a problem I guess.

Speaking of which, ever watched Showdown on 8TV? Well, if you haven't I highly recommend it. No worries, it's not like So You Think You Can Dance Malaysia. I think Showdown is like the best reality dance show up to date lol. If you're not a fan of normal tv viewing, you can also stream online at under the Catchup TV section. Yeah, just sharing. K.


143/365 not gonna bother so much about post timing anymore

Hi. As the titles says.
Well, its not that I donwanna be punctual no more. Just that sometimes it's just way better to put the things you can do first instead of hopping straight into blogging and right after, you hit the sack and... you don't do anything else.

Well, that's the phenomenon I experience so anyways.

If you're looking for the Illustration ref, click this.

So today, we had Marker Visual's again and our lecturer Boon Tiong brought up some really neat stuff about shadows. Lemme share with you.
Ok, lemme number'em down for y'all.
  1. Highlight, the place where you won't see the original colour of the object and only the colour of the light source. Always placed at viewer's angle.
  2. Light zone, the place where the light is dominant.
  3. Dark zone, the place where the shadow is dominant.
  4. Full light, the part where you can see the prismatic/original colour of the object
  5. Half-light, the semi-dark area that allows the visibility of the original colour but dark.
  6. Reflected/atmospheric light, light that's bounced off and usually casted on the bottom.
  7. Crevice shadow, darkest part of the shadow which always appears at the point of contact between the object and the surface.
  8. Penumbra, the walled outer part of the cast shadow.
  9. O yeah, dynamic occlusions happens when there are more than one light source. To put it simply, it's the value change you can see in a shadow. So the more smooth and subtle the shadow gets, it means there's more exposure to light.

below's a simple diagram to help you understand.
Neat eh?
Our lecturer also refeshed our memory about the various colour schemes so I'll list down all I can remember or relate to.
  1. Monochrome - one colour + white/black
  2. Complimentary - two colours on the opposite side of the colour wheel
  3. Analogous - two colours adjacent to one another in the colour wheel
  4. Split complimentary - one analogous + opposite colour.
  5. Double Split Complimentary - Two groups of analogous across each other in the wheel.
And yeah.
As for class today, we were given 5 references to choose form aside from our own unfindable ones lol. So most of the class ended up taking the prepared references to do.

My unfinished piece.

Choice 1
Choice 2, my choice.

Choice 3
Choice 4
Choice 5

And that would be all. For homework, aside from our CG painting, we have to finish up 2 figures + 2 sketches/visuals + thumbs for following sequences topic with the theme of robbery. So yeah. Not to forget the reference for Split complimentary colours.


Monday, May 24, 2010

142/365 Phaylure

Yes. As what the title says. I phayled for my Digital Photography assignments. All the pictures I submitted were rejected... Well, i'll tell you all why (lecturer version)

Well, for one thing, I was 1 photo short. Gyah, curse my phaylure in keeping my notebook in tact. It's missing already. So if any of you kind souls happened to be reading this plea for help and also happened to know even a gist of where it might be, I really wanna hear it since the receipt for my class acrylic's purchase Set 1 was there. Urgh...

And speaking of happened my lecturer reprimanded me for my lack of planning. Since everything I did was just a mere coincidence instead of good planning in the process of photomaking, not phototaking. So yeah... I didn't exactly.. not plan. Haiz, should have explained to him, but my pictures were so diverged of the criteria anyways that I just lost all the motivation to speak up. Well, at least I know I did shittyly bad.

The criteria of the photos are very simple,
  1. subject must be according to topic (Light & Shadow)
  2. must have good composition.
  3. good relation to subject
yeah.. I think that's it. Well, we can use PS for mainly only two things and two things only
  1. change brightness and contrast level
  2. crop
Yes... So I did a big mistake by changing the colour levels of my pictures. Why? Cannot lah!
He also added that close up shots are always a big no-no. Reason being the composition is always bad and... just don't take close-ups lah he said unless if you really can't help it.

Overall in my whole class (morning class go die) Alex did the best. Well, he did take over 100+ photos and finally concluded to the few best he had. So he deserved it.

Ok, so my phaylure aside, lets go through some subject details today.
Err... David couldn't prepare his slide today 'cause he left at another uni gawdnawswhere. So he explained about the history of Digital Cameras without the assistance of his slide.

To put things simple, Digital Photography progressed really fast compared to the conventional film cameras since digital made its way with tis current technology today in just 20 years vs film cameras which took like I donno, since the camera obscura? That's more than a millennium dang it. But if you're talking about the film camera history, then maybe not so much of a millennium, just maybe within 2 centuries if I recall correctly?

Ok, so anyways, the first digital photograph ever taken was used by NASA during their moon exploration to take image transmissions from the astronauts they've sent to the moon. But the breakthrough of digital cameras began with the tv stations that used their videocams for broadcasting. It was the first to ever utilize the concept of CCD or also known as Charge Couple Device via plastic tape. What is it? Think of it as a chip to store digital date. Yeah, so from there, digital cameras progressed.

Rumor has it that the first ever digital camera prototype was a big chunk'o metal. And the first ever Digital camera to be pushed into the market was only targeted for the professional users at the price of about... Er, RM64k? That was called the Nikon F3 and it was priced like that some 20 years ago. You could just imagine the price of it now if it's really still as good as it is supposed to be. But the fact that cameras needn't use any film to take pictures anymore excited the crowd so much and made all the sorry mediocres wish they had one. And because of the marketing relevance and opportunity, greedy bastards start making cheap digital cameras for the public to use until they all become retardant with the way of true photography today. Pfft.

From what I've heard from Daniel, the current most powerful or latest camtech is in Sony's G1 camera with I donno, super high shutter speed, super good ISO and very the big quality for pictures. But it's gonna cost you a fortune to afford one so dream about it ohohoh.

Though, he did mention that the cameras are just gonna get better and smaller and soon, our normal foolproof point-and-shoot and DSLRs are gonna be merged into one and.. more compact + lower price too. So it'd really make more sense to wait than really just getting a G1 lolz.

O yeah, if you happened to have an LCD at home, you don't have to change to an LED tv to get even sharper more 3D pictures. You can get the same quality by adjusting the backlight setting in your LCD menu and voila, you'll get crystal clear imaging, which is pretty ironic since LED means Light Emitting Diode and LCD means Liquid Crystal Display. Yeah.

Oh, David also added that there are 3 types of digital cameras.
  1. Bridge camera, best for all things in motion but can't change lenses.
  2. Slim cameras are the cheatcams for you to use and take pics of notes you can't finish during class so I've heard.
  3. Underwater camera. You don't know this, I keel you. But the real deal can submerge up to 30 metres below sea level. Pretty fancy eh? Oh yeah, don't mistakeb waterproof-encased cameras to be underwater cameras. If you got deeper than 10 metres, say bye bye to your camera lolz.
And finally, the homework part. next subject is Reflections so.. i have to redo my Light & Shadow, which means I've to get two sets of shots done this week. Gyah...

Owh, sadly today, my connection is really shitty, but the pictures somehow made it in Facebook so if you wanna see them, just go to my album. Owh. On the side note, I finally shaved my beard off...


Sunday, May 23, 2010

141/365 Sansa Clip+

Oh yeah, got it last Friday. Finally able to test it on the go earlier today. The sound is awesome, the in-built programs and applications are super smooth to handle and I still haven't made full use of the extra micro SD slot yet since this kewl dood I bought had 8gb of empty space within him ohohohoh.

Looks like it was the right choice getting an 8gb one. All the songs I really wanted to listen to totaled to an amount of about 7.3gb only, and well, 8gb was quite a lie lolz. My mp3 can only hold 7.4 and if you round it off, it's supposed to be 7gb, not 8gb. But meh, whatever, it's just nice anyways. Fufufufu.

Well, if I do need extra capacity, I can always use the SD memory in mah phone. It's an extra gb there to enjoy wakakakak. But should I need more space, Zen told me that it'd cost about RM80 for an 8gb SD memory I think? So hehe, yes, I gotta start saving again. Or blerhz, I can just buy it right off my account. I'm tired of stinging away my money with tid and tads here and there. It's so irritating and it causes such a fuss. And maybe in due time, bigger and fatter juicy SD memory cards would appear. Wonder what I could do with a 16gb *smirks with evil intent*

O haha, did I mention that it has recording capability? Oh yes it does. So maybe I can use it to record the lectures in class? Whoa, I'll be the next Kweh! Or not. But if I got that solar powered charger I found the other day for RM44, I might just have unlimited usage. Eheh.

Whut, it's not that i'm rich. I just feel that I really need it in my life. I don't have the luxury of being able to turn on music at a loud volume or audible volume in the very least without ever disturbing the other fellow inhabitants in the house I live in now. Yes, I don't have a room mind you. So let me complain all I like plox.

The peeps who're going for the Redang plan don't stinge as much as I do since they already have some money to spend in their savings account. I'm no different, so why should I be such a fusswut? After all this is an investment for my future. An mp3 would really keep me going with more oomph than when I usually am without one.

Hmm, maybe I might just get a new bike to save the hassle of transportation And that'd be about RM1k? That'd suck up my entire savings to date and of course, would certainly deny me the passage for my second Redang trip. But I can have another alternative to maybe jog to college everyday or just walk there from day to day. Unless if I were to pay Sleepy for some fuel usage and get him to transport me to college everyday, which'd still be not enough since he's actually taking his time to come and fetch me, so... maybe I should pay him more than that should I be a bitch and ask him for every day assistance ohohoho.

So yeah. After reading my previous post, even I don't have a bloody idea what I said. Maybe what I said about someone else in me was real lol. Well, anyways, doesn't matter. Just parts of me I have to accept I guess.

Well, I'll let this gadget of mine be tested by me for a week. Then maybe I'll give a full review of this really kewl dood which's being compared to the iPods a lot lately. Till then, this might be the last you'd hear of my kewl lil'thang for now.


Saturday, May 22, 2010

140/365 Peace and Quiet at long last

I learned the hard way not to talk about intense or rather dense issues while I'm completely distracted from whatever the subject is supposed to be about. Man, globalization kinda sucks at times. But, I guess it's just me having to be the stubborn rock I am to always get in the way and go against the strong current. Witless I am, hm.

This morning was a fine morning clouded with a shade of hazy blue. Weather was just lovely today. But I couldn't enjoy much of the spectrum of joy I would've felt if it was like some fine other day as I was obliged to be on duty today in which I somehow forgotten some time back until recently updated by my good mate senior from the voluntary pack.

The duty was a bore as much as I hate to admit it myself. It was a charity bazaar event held to raise funds for a certain charitable home more properly known as Loving Home I believe? I also took a few too many pictures which lack that composition quality I so very much crave for so I probably won't be uploading any up here, too bad for you.

Well, forgive me for my overloaded vividness in description since I feel rather verbose today after stumbling upon The Werewolf in which I had just lasted to watch a few moments ago. I enjoyed the entire narration and how the plot was so carefully sorted out in the movie. Though, it may lack that bit of action and a kick for excitement I must say. But suffice to say, it was a good watch. Well, it did trigger this sudden flush of ferocity in language within me most probably due to it's very London-like manner as its setting with their ever-so-charismatic approach in speaking and whatnot. Always happens to me when I've chanced to gaze upon a marvel in words after a few set of consistent trend in the dialogues.

But you must be baffled by my overused language now. I'd bet you wouldn't even have an idea of what I speak of this very moment. So I can understand if you wish this page immediately because the latter of this post is only going to be filled with more craply rubbish if you know what I'm proposing.

But maybe not all rubbish.

Continuing a little from yesterday, or well, if you happen to be confused with the time of date, Friday, last Friday, I had a deep, indulgent and most-gracious time with my lovely girlfriend. It was a time of exposure, of letting out. Unsealing, emptying and... receiving.

It never really crossed my mind how much things needed to be told to her until the time finally came to talk about it since she so happened to ask me about it. And I gave her the truth and presented myself bear naked inside. I was never able to have such a conversation with anyone before but she... she gave me that. It's something I really appreciate since love and friendship go hand in hand and are inseparable since there's no such thing as love without friendship. Though, there might be a rivalry or feud associated with love though, but I shall digress.

We talked over a lot of things. And I'm very thankful for her soft and simple understanding. One of the few many reasons why I kept going was because she was rather persuasive about making me emotions vomit from my house and she comforted me no other human being could've ever done for me. I didn't realize how bloody fortunate I was to have someone like her until recalling about that moment right now. I had mixed emotions, and there was a chance that I went completely sore over my joy since the feeling of intense sorrow clouded every other feeling I had.

Yes, I was recalling many of my rather unpleasant memories and thoughts to be converted into audible understandable language to her. Tears flowed effortlessly even as I tried to held back but I guess my body is in complete synchronization with the emotions I have back then. But it might probably be due to the fact that all our bodies are generally more honest then our thoughts. But regardless, I cried, and there's no shame in admitting that I'm a very sentimental and depressive person in nature.

When I was talking to her, I felt... very much apart, unattached from the former self most view me as. It was a chance of open revelation, without the fear of betrayal or dismay, since I know I can trust her with all my heart. Call it love if you would, but C didn't earn that trust through my love alone. She deserved it. She deserved my trust for her relentless support and faith in me, as well as her deep interest and curiosity in knowing who I really am and all her sweet and demure kindness which rivaled to any form of pleasure I've ever found in this materialistic world. She is a beautiful soul. And now, the concept of beautiful in my mind is evolved into something unexplainably magical. Yes. Magical.

I might have said that I showed her everything before. But everything is never everything. There's still much about myself that are unknown to me. And perhaps talking about it would unwind the mysteries and unlock new truths concerning myself.

Yes. I did find out something new about myself. I remember most of what I said that night and... they were very true to my core. I did mention that I wasn't like myself when I began the explanation to her did I not? In fact, I felt like there was another soul looking through the windows of my eyes within this vessel of flesh desperate for a lending ear that'd never challenge my integrity and respect me in every single imaginable way.

I went from my ill-fated past with the thuggish bullies in primary to the neverending torment of losing one's trust, in which I've yet to win back to date only to be followed by that moment of foolishness with the need for a quick solution of death in which some would call the thought of suicide. Then the complex history of my family dilemmas from every single member of my family. I might have covered most of this before but those are mostly touching the surface and never too in-depth. This time, it brought out the furthest places of my soul, things I could never whisper of to anyone before and it was finally released from it's locked congested chamber of secrets.

Yes, I carry no secrets with me to the public. But there are things I couldn't speak of in front of the common folk. Things even more sensitive and troubling then man-slaughter, mass-killing, sex, discrimination and political ploys. Nothing about what's around us and happening but rather the turmoil that boils in my conscious mind. Most would shun me away and ask for my silence in return for my revelations so I prefer to keep it silent lest there be a willingly welcoming ear for a full length explanation. What can I say? Not everyone wishes to be puzzled by others' many bafflements. And that's just an undeniable universal truth that I have to adhere to.

Speaking of truth, I find that I design many truths of myself based on the interpretations of my observation towards this world. And most, I'm afraid, are rather stupid and dumb, but the element of truth rings in every resonating letter. Stupid dumb things like people can always do what they want to you, but you can never do the same to them, or God only helps people who's willing enough to dig up their own shit and fight for themsleves, given the condition that God does exist.

I just realized how empty a vessel I am. To always be what others need me to be, and to not have a self within. Self democracy, making myself what I am with what the majority needs me to be. So to speak, I'm no different than an empty hollow can. I have no idea who I really am. But I do have ideas on who to be during different settings. Which was why in one of my previous posts, I mentioned about my multiple personalities or avatars, something to get me going just to sail through the day. I have no goal in my life. Even if I had any, I live only to serve in another's happiness and nothing more. The only talent I really do have with me is the talent to help ease other's troubles. Just not mine. I have always found it rather peculiar of me to never be able to do anything for myself, but it always works when I'm doing it for the sake of others.

Call it righteous or dependent but, I guess that's just how it is for me. As much as I want to get away and just forget about all these thoughts, everyday they'd just resurface at one moment to pull me back to plunder before I emerge again into the solid reality of life. There's never a way to define myself. Never was a way. I just know that I change according to circumstances and depending on how dire it is, I'd change accordingly.

But I do know that I'm a person filled with void. Such irony. Because I have no faith in hope. Hopes only exist to be crushed again and shatter to pieces. Being empty and desiring nothing allows me to see things more clearly and with better sense of transparency with the world around me.

Every smile I put on is an effort. But whether all of them were honest or just an act, the ratios of acting is always higher. And from there, I prematurely concluded myself to be a person who behaves in such a way that every act I do is an act in itself.

Well, that's a riddle for everyone to solve now. Ah, my eyes are failing me tonight. I must turn in for the night. Have a nice day everyone.


139/365 Got back really late today...

I mean, yesterday.

Well, gotta go for a public duty now at SS2.



Thursday, May 20, 2010

138/365 First Day With 2 classes in Sem 5

Yes, had my Light and Mood Study earlier in the morning. And... um, otay, I shall let you see my horrible work. If you laugh, i'm so gonna break your bones.

Yes yes I know. Don't haveta remind me how phayl it looks. Gyah dangit. Can't believe I screwed this up myself.
Well, things made a huge turn when I got a "good" from the lecturer for this. But there's just so many ways I can correct it after the lecturer remarked on the critics. Damn. But if you wanna know, everyone generally did gazillion times better on the second piece if compared to the first. lol.

And I had a short lunch with C during my in-between one-and-a-half hour break at Neo Kee's where I bumped in Alex and the rest orz. I told her about my argument with my mom and whatever unsettling things I still had in my mind regarding my family and whatnot.

I kinda wrote an e-mail addressed to my mom last night, but I couldn't finish it, nor have I the will to send it to her for now. I was at a lost for thought when I wrote it, so it was in no condition for reading. Though, i still have a draft on it. But let's say I'll keep that outta my head for a while until maybe something triggers me to finish it once more.

Otay, then there's Survey on SEA Art and Culture which took place in the AVH around 2.30pm. She had a nice impression on us besides being freakishly demonic once you push her at her limits by coming in late on purpose. For those who wish to witness her testament, by all means, I support you all the way ohohoh. But if anything um.. unfortunate happens to you, I'll leave you to rot. Fair eh? Wakakaka.

She covered a lot on...*refers to notes* well, the commonalities between SEA countries. Who'd have known that every single damn country on SEA ate rice as staple food and were a very religiously adhering to the peasant culture? And naw, Japan and Korea aren't part of SEA so don't make a mistake on that fact if you're an Asian lover or whatever.

So yes, there was a certain relation to the Shin Megami Tensei series when she told about the cultural dance in Indonesia I believe. About a certain female demon, Rangda and a part lion, part dog and part dragon, Barong. And they both never die. In the story of the dance, Rangda never dies as she flees from battle, in relevance to the universal truth that evil never dies and it always returns. So yeah, quite an interesting trivia here.

Oh yeah, ever heard of Rites of Passage? No worries, if you guyz donno what it is, you've already gone through a few already by now like berkhatam or shaving your hair for the first time, the sunat or circumcision, a baby's full moon, graduation. Yeah, those sorta stuff.

I like the animisme part of the presentation lol since lotsa weird things happened then. Like her mike suddenly making strange noises that abruptly uh.. sounds. And ohohoh, the sudden heavy downpour when she uttered animisme from her mouth. Funny man.

And about her story on how the cultures of the old affect us today, she made a simple reference to the scent of jasmine flowers while you're driving past a highway past midnight which will possibly believe you to believe in the supernatural. Ermm, maybe you won't understand this version. Here, lemme rephrase:

"Let's say you're driving on the highway and it was already 12.30am. After a while, you suddenly smelled this odd saturated jasmine scent filling up your car. You freak out."

And that's the example. If you still don't get where I'm going at, it's about the belief in the existence of spirits lol. And that jasmine symbolism is from the pontianak stories. We've been in this culture for so long that we've somehow assimilated to it ever since we started to think in this world.

Like for instance, when the ladies give birth in the old days, people would put a pot of thorned plant beneath the house to stop a certain single headed bodiless ghost from attacking a mother in labour pain. I forgot what that ghost was called already sadly.

O wait, I find the name. It's called a Kra-Sue in Thai. Click it to read on more eheh.

Besides that, didja realize that all SEA countries have the same kinda forests in their regions? We all have the same 4 leveled canopy system on our forests. Kinda cool eh?

And uh, in accordance with the forest density, that's exactly how we SEAsians perceive things as well oddly enough. We love all things compact and full, like rojak for instance, or our pasar malam. It's jam-packed but filled with goodness and ultra-filled sensations. If you refer to Asian jewelleries, they have super intricate designs filling up every possible known corner and edges, similar to our houses which are filled with everything everywhere with no room for any void. Well, the traditional will most likely be like that, I donno about Ikea lovers though ohohoh.

I literally lmao'd when Va Nee (o yeah, that's the lecturer's name) said that if there ever was a cabinet empty, our moms won't be able to sit still until it's filled. Damn good reference. ohohoh

So yeah. That's all for today I guess?


Wednesday, May 19, 2010

137/365 Cartoon Character Design, 2nd class.

Today, we were taught on expression along with our... umm, not-so-frequently used mirror in which we brought and didn't use much because the lecturers were so efficiently using the time in their class today, we were barely able to complete our in-class assignments besides those who chose to give 50% attention to both work and lecture during class.

Not to say our lecturers were dull and lengthy since there were moments that made us get that spark of inspiration and... most of that happened during Zhou Yu's turn ohohoh.

Well, he showed us the extreme expressions of.. uh stuff.
Gyah, i'll draw some out for y'all.

well, forgive my shitty skills and techniques plox + awsmposum proportion but bear with it yeah? Ohohohoh.

So yeah, it's the evolution of expression. Of course, mine isn't as epic compared to Zhou Yu's one so haha, like I said, bear with it.

It's like level 1 to 4. Like for instance, lemme give you an example*reference to Zhou Yu's example
Lets say, you're in love with a girl since gawdknowswhen, and like one fine day, she so happened to like ask you out on a date. You feel surprised + happy. (level 1) And then she knows it's your birthday, and takes you to a corner and then she confesses her feelings for you. Surprised + happy again. (level 2) And then she tells you that she wants you to come over to her house for a special birthday gift. Wah, surprised again lah. So many good things happen then jengjengjeng, she tells you that she wants to see you in her room upstairs and giggles away asking you to come along into the room after you're fully prepared. Surprised maximum overload! Starts taking of clothes and everything and rushes into the room and "Surprise!! Happaeh Birthday!"

O hell, I pity whoever that sucker is but ohohoh, yeah, that's the example. See the transition? From surprised but happy to more surprised but happy into even more surprised and happy and moving into cloud 9 and then *poof* the climax. So.. haha. Yeah.

Oh, and I changed my design for Rynne. Yeah, I found out her name isn't spelled r-i-n but r-y-n-n-e so.. hmkay, I shall draw my old design and new design for her here lolz.

something like that I guess. though my paper version looks gazillion times better lolz. Anyhow, the second one looks a lot more recognizable right? so yeah, liddat lol.

OK as for homework today + accumulated due for next lesson, we need to submit one original fwen caricature, the 12 expressions with fwen face and....Uh, that basic cylindrical form thingy.

Owh, and I followed Sleepy and Yaakob to Nanyang Art Shop just now to get the paint we couldn't get from Vision Art. So ohoho, no reason for me to stallt he progress of my Pavarotti no more which is due this Friday for 50% progress.

yeah, that'd be all today.