Monday, February 28, 2011

58/365-11 YESSSS

Sunday, 27/2/2011

Finally got the mood to finish it up lol.

Hmm, now I'm just starting to wonder if my colour mood is too heavy. Well, anyway, I need to let Zhuo Yong see this and let me know where I can improve. I really really hope my outline is neat enough this time. Ugh....

Very short entry. 
Will be on assignment marathon mood nao.


Sunday, February 27, 2011

57/365-11 Unexpected Reception?

Saturday, 26/2/2011

Today, was a rather unproductive day for me despite my sudden surge for perfection yesterday. Looks like it wasn't as great as I thought it'd be.

On the other hand, I managed to catch up with my sleep, maybe a bit too much sleep, but still a lot of nice sleep. But with some weird dreams included along the way.

Like for one thing, I remember seeing my brother?? PKing people in RO in a PK server with a female Crusader or something. And he was dual accounting. While hunting with one account, he let his... wait, not Crus, I think I saw a Paladin. He was just lying there waiting for someone to attack and.. he owned people somehow. I donno how, but he did.

Then another weird dream. I swear it was so real, I could still feel the sensation on my hands. I donno when was it, I'm not sure if it was my girlfriend in the dream, but it strongly resembled her. She was pregnant. And she took my hand to let me feel the baby inside her from her stomach. And I could feel heartbeats. Then I remember asking if I could put my head there. She nodded and I did. This time, I could hear it instead of feeling it. And it was really loud. Weird, but yeah, the dream felt real alright.

And whaddaya know, my bro suddenly had an interest in playing RO again. Too bad he wasn't playing 2 weeks ago when the actual exp event was going on. Lol. And he kinda regretted that I never told him, but I saw him playing Cabal all the time and I kinda thought he sorta lost hope in RO after some time when I probably suggested to many things to him. So yeah, I never really bothered to tell him. So I helped him train a bit with my Priest, since that's what she's been made for. To help with other people leveling up. Lol. Sometimes its fun to have a slave Priest, but for most part, if you don't enjoy helping people, it's a pretty depressing style of gameplay. Pfft.

So anyway, today, I felt sorta empty and unmotivated. Then I was watching another Bollywood number at my tv screen. I tried to start on my assignment a few times. But the mood just doesn't seem to hit. The story kinda got interesting though, so I stayed to watch the movie till it was finished.

Just basically a story about 3 people, 2 girls, 1 guy. Guy likes girl A ever since he was a child, and girl B likes guy ever since childhood. Then guy had to leave for London. Girl A didn't give shit. Girl B however, knew her way with computers. So she suggested him to e-mail to her so that girl A can e-mail back, considering how girl A and B are close friends.

SO.. you could probably guess the whole plot already. Guy exchanges a lot of e-mails with girl B who he thought was girl A. Then when he finally came back like 10 years later, he went straight ahead for girl A ignoring girl B. So girl B pretended not to know and asked girl A to act it out instead. Guy felt something was off since girl A's story always doesn't seem to click with whatever he asks her.

Then he goes back to London, and girl B decided to go London as well, to further her studies. There, guy sorta felt something for girl B. While guy was showing London around to girl B, they stumbled upon a church, prayed there together, and guy discovered the true identity of the mailer which was really girl B when she suddenly hummed a tune that only he and the girl he e-mailed to knew.

And well, they were on their way back to tell the parents about their plan. But girl A's dad died. And girl A's dad has a promise to fulfill, which was to marry girl A with guy. But they donno what's going on of course. Girl B, being awesomely kind decides to sacrifice her love so that her friend can cope with a fake happiness that guy could give her. Guy was frustrated but whuddaheck y'know, there wasn't much he could do.

But long story short, in the end, girl A realizes what happened and puts them back together.

Kinda teared a few times. But whatever I guess.

So my mom was around, and she was like gonna walk to Giant. I pretty much had nothing to do, but have a lot in my mind that needed some sorting out. So I figured it'd be good to have some fresh air.

During the walk, I told her about what's currently happening between my girlfriend and I. I was sorta expecting a negative reaction and whatnot since I was kinda tipping on myself being the one just burning up everything for nothing.

But instead, she was rather supportive and agreed in what I did. She told me that it was not her intention to teach me or any of my siblings to be evil to their partners, but she knew that what I did was the right thing to do, despite it's cold approach. Because she goes through the same problem everyday with my dad ever since my dad went serious with Buddhism. So maybe it's no wonder.

But I really just thought to myself y'know. It's ok if my gf just brings up about breaking up from time to time. But seeing that it is already as it is, in the future, if we do get married, what'd happen if she did the same thing again? Only that it's not breaking up anymore, but this time, it's about divorcing. But of course, the question of ifs is a very foolish debate since it's not about things that are happening or have happened, but rather things that we aren't even sure would actually occur or not. Like our future fortunes.

So being firm here might be the best choice. Trust me when I say I never wanted to hurt a girl, especially someone who I dearly love. But it'd only hurt the both of us more if the situation went on without any end just because I continued to give a sense of security that was never meant to be, all because I want her to feel safe with all her indecisiveness. I sincerely want to protect her. But I just can't anymore when she's not protecting this relationship nor her own decision.

I honestly thought she'd grow out of it, but I guess, she has yet to do so. My mom could only say that she was a very confused person, which I can't argue nor deny since I know that to be true. And I couldn't blame her for being like that really, considering her family background. But still, everything must have a limit aye?

So my mom had the same idea as I did as well. Though, she kinda told me off about me raising voices again because she knows I do from time to time. I know I did and yeah, those are some uncontrollable spurs of emotions that I'm still trying to grasp and control. But it's not gonna happen in a short duration. And its strange that it only happens to those who are close to me. Maybe that shows that I take the relationships around me very seriously. Including friendships. But I've no recollection of ever raising my voice against another fellow friend. At least not in college. Or maybe I did, but I just don't remember.

The my mom related back to how all my eldest brother's exes were. They all wanted him to change change change change change so much that he couldn't bear to continue with the relationships. The one before this was the worst. I remember that girl to be a nice smart woman. But she just demanded too much from an eldest son with so many responsibilities to not only his family, but his business as well. The relationship didn't end too well. I heard a lot of shouting in the room. But I just ignored it since its really not my business anyways.

Then I suggested that maybe my mom could talk to her instead of me, since I doubt her mom could be of any advisory position on this since she can't bring this up to her mom directly. Maybe she could. But pretty difficult. And I know that the both of us are really stubborn people. She's probably having an impression that I'm being uncontrollably unreasonable, worst if compared to hers and thinking that I'm letting my delusions getting to me or something. But I might be wrong as well. So just to be safe, I'll be pessimistic for now.

So anyways, I just figured it'd be nice to have someone who has more experience to talk things out between us. That also only if she agrees you see. I'm never gonna pull her into this by force. And I've been wanting to solve this by myself without any outer intervention since it is after all, her and my business. But a good word of calm and advice from an elderly with good credibility would always be a good start to the patching/breaking up process I believe. So I don't see why not. And I'm not one to hide things from my mom anyways, like I've said from time to time.

Yeah, I'm ready to break up. Since she already drilled that idea in my head by now from the previous outburst. Never wanted nor wished for it to be like this, but since it is already going like this, there's only one way forward, but there are still options to choose from. I know my choices. But does my gf know hers? Maybe she does, but she might be dodging them, considering how hard she tried not to give any final answer from Tuesday's sudden outburst. Or maybe she just isn't ready for such options in her life. If so... then why start a relationship with me in the first place?

And if there was ever a reason for me to start shouting/raise my voice, it is only when I know the other person is not even trying to listen to me despite how close we are to each other. The words come out, but no actual responses are given. Either that or I felt so betrayed or saddened by a sudden revelation that I couldn't control my mixed feelings and just let them run free out of pure and raw honesty. Truth in its most exaggerated form, a form that could usually only be seen in people who are interrogated through intense torture.

Though, I am to blame as well for starting the relationship. I did, no we did make a layout for ourselves. But I guess we never really saw this coming. If I/her/we sensed that earlier, and called it off before any damage could be done, maybe this won't be happening. But what matters now is that it its happening, and I can only attempt to solve what I can. There's really just so much one can do when the relationship doesn't go both ways in terms of effort, even though the feel is really strong.

So lets see how things turn out I guess. Regardless, I'm not taking back those words in my previous posts, because for one, it is my own insolent egoistic code of blogging and I meant every word of it, no matter how vilely straightforward it sounded.

Gyah, eyes feeling tired now.
So people, before you start a relationship, 
maybe you'd be doing yourself a great favor
by just laying out a proper plan about what you'd
expect from your partner, and vice versa.

A relationship with the element of change in it rarely works,
since we all know that the other person might just be dreaming about
the you who could be instead of the who you are now.

Which one matters to you more, that's up to you I guess.

Mine started with the element of change. We both wanted ourselves to change for the better.
But we were both getting rather complacent with things, and felt that it was sorta better 
to just stick with the way things are. That was what I thought though.

She never gave me a clear answer. Her donno's never really helped much in my position.
But I could see genuine happiness from her sprouting from those moments.
I couldn't find a resolution to that, so I could only do what I could
for her, which was to stay happy for her. But I just guess that's not enough.

What's enough then? 
I changed, she cried.
I reverted, she still cried.
What does she want from me?
Ironic as it is, I donno, and I'm pretty
sure she doesn't know herself really.

But I really wish she could just decide on one thing.
Whether or not she wants to be with me, or not.
If yes, work something out with me.
If not, then... what goes goes. 

Because if there's anything mentally exhausting
 in a relationship, it's really just talking about breaking up.
Not very different from having a cold war against one another really.

I'm tired.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

56/365-11 Lol

Friday, 26/2/2011

Lately, I see Zen's and Shai posting a certain quote that I could relate back from one of my previous post which goes as such :

" And since you can overreact, I don't see why I can't"

Yes. I wrote that lol. Towards noone other than my girlfriend of course. And the first thing I did when I saw those lines appearing on Facebook was me laughing out lol. Literally lolling. I'm not sure whether to take it as them trying to tell me something or maybe their just poking fun at lines they feel like poking, like ginseng powder. But I just know it was very funny when I see it. I mean, what are the odds of your friends reading your blog, see a quote they felt like posting and share on Facebook, and then you stumble upon it? And Facebook is closing sometime in March anyways. So yes. I just lolled.

Anyhow, they would probably be thinking this, "how could you possibly solve a problem which involves overreacting by overreacting yourself? Man... this is so ridiculous. + uberfacepalm" Well, imagine Zen doing that gesture and going maaaaaaaaaan.... If you know who he is of course. And yeah, I realize I was overreacting as I was typing the post, 'cause sometimes, you need fire to fight against fire. Since ice melts in front of heat.  So I went ahead with why not. And anyhow, if you people know me and wished to comment but not want it to be public, there's always many other means of messaging y'know. But so far, the indiscreet alternates are working, and I seem to be responding by liking those status updates. Trolololol. But your plan of non-intervention is highly appreciated. If the plan even exist 'cause for all I know, it might just be a figment of my imagination really.

But whatever it is. Aiseh just made my day. I mean, the infinite staircase of doom. Escalators actually. But still. It sure seemed like Zen would've died if he happened to trip as he took the shot.

Since I've said I was at peace with myself in one of my previous posts, I shall continue being like that, even though I actually have the urge to post something new again about what's going through my mind about her. But I really hope a good talk will sort things out, so I shall refrain from doing so.

Pulling away from that, I was sorta waiting for her since she did mention by passing that she might be meeting me. So I just hung out with anyone I knew at the moment to prevent myself from sleeping. Well, yeah, she might have. Waiting on chances always seem to be a gamble no? So anyways, yeah, I took a gamble and waited.

So anyways, I hung out with Nad who I just so happened to bump into together with Lam Mei after finish lunch alone at Neo Kee only to later find that Shai and Yin and Hui Ling were just a table away from me. And dood,  Nad has cool hands. She can put her thumb behind her first knuckle. Literally mind bending. I couldn't control my laughter everytime she did that lol.

And while we were finishing, Shukes came around, and they were about to leave, so I got to him and actually laughed throughout his whole eating demeanor while hearing him mentioning about another gathering by passing and him wanting to show off his PS3 and not having some certain songs he wanted and if he wanted for them, he'd have to pay extra.

I was still waiting, looking at my phone from time to time to see if there were messages coming in. Around 3.30 or so, Shukes went off to his class. I went to the main block to sleep. Again, I waited indefinitely for a while, and since I've had like almost no sleep at all, unless if one can consider a tertidur period of less than 5 minutes in class sleep at all, I decided to sleep.

Then I got a call from my gf a few moments later. She said she was on the bus back home already. Hm... Oh well, so much for waiting I guess. No idea why she decided to take the bus first and call later instead of reversing the order, but conclusion, we never met. So yeah.

Then I got home. Good thing I was spared from the storm. Saw a movie being played called SWAT on tv, so I just finished watching it, took a bath and saw some messages on my phone time stamped around 3.17pm around 6+. Funny, I was with Shukes and I don't remember seeing any messages.

Either way, seems like Maxis decided to ruin our meeting today somewhat since the messages got heavily delayed. So I never saw her messages, which only led to me thinking no wonder she left on the bus. But still, I sorta asked her to call on the off chance that I was asleep, and I was really asleep so...yes, I only saw the messages after I finished watching a movie, took a bath and decided to sleep.

After I woke up, I saw missed calls. She seemed to have called me like a gazillion times. Actually 15. Timed from around 10pm onwards.  Hm.. wonder why the important calls are always missed when I'm asleep. The last time her mom found out about our relationship, I was asleep as well when she called me up. Such strange occurrences. Its either me with unusual sleeping patterns, of her with unusual calling tendencies? I think more towards mine I guess, since I was staying up doing my assignment lol. As for the day her mom found out? Hm, I know I was excited to go out with her for a rock climbing experience and barely got enough sleep so by the time I got back, I immediately hit the sack. Even skipped my bath.

Well, that's just how today was like. And damnit, I dented my wacom's usb head. With a chair in class that had wheels. Zzzz. I also sorta annoyed Jake, 'cause he said I was asking for so many things. Maybe I was since I was asking for paper, then a blade, and then a thin key, in which he had no idea whatsoever what I meant but nevermind I guess, so I went to Nad  and borrowed her key and used it to reshape that dented usb head of mine and returned the blade to Jake.

And I officially have serious issues with Advanced Advertising Visuals. I shall work harder this few days until I'm completely satisfied with my work. But I doubt that'd ever happen when perfectionist mode is turned on so, yeah, I'll just do what I can I guess.

Have a nice weekend. I know I'm gonna drown myself in work so.. haha.
And.. don't assume about something without asking first? Mm.
Misunderstandings are some crazy shit lol.


Thursday, February 24, 2011

55/365-11 Awesome Weather

Thursday 24/2/2011

Yes. Very awesome weather. In which I was blessed with since I was somehow fated to walk back home as well. Thanks to my KK trusty umbrella, I guess my upper half wasn't wet. But it definitely feels weird to have water dripping on my head, and a part of my illus board ruined by the excess water absorption from the immense downpour. 

But no worries, the painting's alright.

And my father commented something about the painting I did. Not sure if I actually started painting yet, since it's actually just the rendering stage. So I wouldn't know where his basis actually comes from since I'm not sure if he actually understands what he's talking about to me.

Maybe he does. But in our college, well, lets just say they make us see things in different perspectives. Maybe I really oughtta explain it to my dad so he won't like, OH, the chick doesn't feel right. And I'm pretty sure he said that because of the parchment of red paint on that particular part, which is the base rendering of the area really. Though, painting it more beautifully than the picture is definitely something I want to achieve, though it might not be easy. But I guess it's doable with lots of patience and planning. So I'll try.

Oh, I'm saying this because I know all my proportions are correct this time. And I'm definitely not about to screw this up. So far, it's looking good, and I'm kinda excited to make it look better :D It really changes everything to have a really nice reference that you actually like. And the best thing about it is I don't even know who the hell I'm painting. I just thought it was perfect really. To be my reference of course.

And my dad also commented on my sleeping pattern again. Told me not to work at night and sleep in the day. Not good for health and etc. Not like I don't want to be a daywalker like anyone else. I just so happened to feel tired during the day and rather active at night because of my unique time schedule. Of working and playing and etc. Y'know. Stuff.

But whatever, when I'm old, I doubt I'll be able to do that anymore. So while I'm still young, I figured out why not now then never be able to later right? But still, health is important I guess. I'll put in some effort to change my sleep pattern. Maybe. If I can ever find the whim to work in the day with all the distractions going around at home P:

And I've kinda realized that I'm being kinda badass lately. No. Not around people. Lol. I still crack up like usual. Just that when I'm alone, I tend to have this tendency of shifting my facial expression to an annoyed expression easily. And I donno man, it feels like the most relaxing position my face can ever be in. Which is sorta like how I portrayed that random character in the rain up there, in which I doubt you can see much of the rain anyways since the texture is so subtle. Yeah, not visible. Period.

Off to mt work marathon I guess?


54/365-11 My Mind Is Set

Wednesday 23/2/2011

Now.. lets start the rendering.

But before that, getting away from the whole art gist.

I'm gonna need to set a meeting with my gf. To have one final discussion. Because right now, just because I'm so reminded of how much she actually suggested us to just break up, I might just actually break up. I am that pissed with her really.

Because to me, when a girl tells me she wants to break up with me, in only means one thing. It means that she doesn't have any faith that this relationship will work and she feels that giving up will always be easier. I hate losers you know that? I really do. Giving half way like that after going this far? Pfft, ok fine. Your choice. And I know I'm a loser too. But certainly not in the sense of relationships.

If you can't stand being in a distant relationship, and if it really pains you so, please just don't bother being in a relationship any longer. You'd just be wasting your time and all the love in exchange for unwanted pain and frustration any anything else negative you can think of.

If you're getting me wrong here, I still love you. But if you're overreacting in such a way, I don't have a good reason to be with you anymore. Because I thought being with you will make you happy... in the not so physical relationship of course since we are kinda separated. But clearly, it's causing you nothing but agony, sadness and demise and it really pains me to say that it seems like you're not trying hard enough for this darned relationship.

And since you can overreact, I don't see why I can't.

Yes, darned. Because I'm always trying so hard to keep it together. Why do I say I'm the one? Who's the one who brought up the break up topic again? Oh, I don't recall it being me though. So who else? Hell, I don't think I wanna know. Because it just really makes me sick from all the hardwork I've put in to keep it all together and the other person is just not cooperating at all. And it's not the first time, nor is it the second or third, I've already lost count of it, but I'm definitely sure it's more than thrice and definitely no less than that.

So what if you miss me? You saying I don't miss you? Man, if there's anything you can be great about, it's about being unreasonable with yourself.

Trust me, I know I'm supposed to just let this slide, but it seems as though that I'm done giving you all this chances. You don't want to decide? Fine. But it's been 2 fucking years. Gawd. And you're still not sure whether you want to be with me? You can't be serious... oh, you are? I'll give you one last chance.

This last chance is to talk about this break up agenda that you've always been keeping somewhere behind your mind. After this talk is done, I only want 2 possible conclusions, either you stick with me and stfu about breaking up because if you ever say that again while we're together, I'll walk away and say we're done. ANYTIME. And this time I really mean it. If you can't do that, hell I don't know how long you can hold up. I'll just call it off on the spot. You've always wanted me to make big decisions right? This time I'm making a real big one. And I'm giving you a choice. If you don't want it, then leave and find another guy or something. Whatever makes you happy.

Heartless, cold, whatever any of you want to call me out there, please just know that I've been stomaching this bs for quite a long time now and it's about time I stopped being soft and kind all the time, which i've always been to her but apparently, she doesn't really appreciate that. No doubt I was always quick to insult and and being extremely cynical. But even before the relationship, I was always like that. To everyone, in general. So I don't really give special attention, even if you're my girlfriend. Oh wait, I DID give you a lot of special attention. Man, somehow, I kinda regret that now.

I don't regret being in this relationship. But I regret about always trying to make things seem as though its ok when actually its not. The problem in this relationship isn't me, or our love for each other. It's you. Maybe partially me for sucking and /edit at  changing I must admit. But for most part, its you. Why? I'm sure you can figure that out on your own. Why must I always be the one who holds everything together? Isn't a couple supposed to have some sorta teamwork involved? A group effort? Oh forgive me if I'm wrong but it always seem like I'm pulling all the stupid haul while you conveniently let your nonsensical worries get to the best of you time after time after time. That goddamn future of yours. Fine, maybe not goddamned, that unseemingly bright future that appears dark to you.

Career = blindingly bright  Us = so dark that it gives off black dismal aura

And I'm really just so sick of that. Future is future. But whatever you think about of the future, it won't happen if you keep on focusing on the future and forget about the now. You put so much thought in what could happen that you completely derange yourself from your current flow of time. No doubt you did a great job in your studies. But as far as this relationship is concerned, from Tuesday's sudden outburst. It's not stable. At all. And no, it's completely not ok for this to go on.

So. Sweetie. Get a grip. Or lets just be friends, acquaintances, enemies, rivals, opponents,archnemesis, perfect strangers etc, whatever makes you happy really. Because I really sincerely thought that me getting together with you would make you happy. But seems like the countereffect happened instead. And like I said before from one distant time earlier, loving someone is not about being together with that someone all the time, but giving priority to that person's happiness. Whichever makes the other happy.

Hell, I was happy. Really happy when you accepted me. But you aren't that happy a few months after. Then we were happy again. for some time. Then it happened again. And the process repeated like 3 times a year, and since we were together since September 2009, how many time does that make? At least 4-5 times.

You asking me what I want? Oh I'll tell you what I want. I don't want a girl who has a mom who can't be open about her own daughter going out with boys. Fine, you can't give me that? Nevermind. Then I don't want a girl who mentions the word break up everytime she feels insecure. I feel insceure to, but I let my optimism defeat it, and that's just simply how I cope. I'm not sure how I'll cope without you in my life, but that's another tale to tell in another story, because you are still directly involved with my life.

I also want a girl who can do her part in being happy and stop being such a worrywart about the future when it has not even happened when the next few days is more important then your next few years. If you wanna worry about the future, I'm fine with that, but if it goes to the extent of making you sad and bringing up the word break up again, man. Man..

But what's most important, the most crucial thing I want from a girl is someone who loves me, and I must love her as well. This definitely exists between the two of us. So I don't see how things are going so wrong as it is now. There's not even a third party involved. All my crushes are way behind my pasts. They're of little significance to me compared to you, who I've already planned on living together with for the rest of my life. Not enough? I doubt me being a successful person in the future would make anything much easier. You just don't trust me, can't trust me, and don't believe me while I did all that for my part unto you. And that's not fair.

And when I mentioned trust here, it's not about you not being completely honest with me as I've been to you. Our honesty part is by far the most successful. But the trust I mean here is your faith in me as in individual you love. The trust you give someone to carry out their responsibilities to each other. My responsibility in this relationship is to make sure that we continue to be together even though we're apart, and living my life as happy as I can for your sake. No doubt I have my moments of weaknesses, when I flush everything out to you, because I thought if there was anyone I should talk to about my deepest darkest secrets, I wanted it to be you and let me remind you that those were out of my own life, and it never concerned our relationship whatsoever. The only part where our relationship is always the subject of discussion between us is always when you bring it up. Do you even realize that? And to tell you the truth, I really doubt success ensures happiness. If you believe in that, have it your way. I'll pursue my happiness, and you can pursue your own success.

What else do I want? NO, your boobs has nothing to do with this. That's your own paranoia. FYI, I'm completely complacent and satisfied with the way you look, be it your face, complexion, skin tone, figure and style. But if you really want to go ahead with breast enlargement, by all means, its your body, and your own money so just do what you want with it/them.

It's so easy to find another girls with much prettier looks, or whatever, a more ideal character. She accepting me is another story though. But my reason for being with you is really really really really simple. I'm making it dead simplified for you now. I'm with you and still trying to work things out for this one last time because I chose you. Not in the Pokemon kinda sense. But yes, I chose you. Like how Pikachu chose Ash and not the other way around. And that too after Ash did much convincing to Pikachu that's he's a reliable person as a trainer.

You convinced me in a way no other girl could. At that time. And when I choose someone, I feel that it is my obligation to be truthful and completely faithful to that person with utmost loyalty. I always tell you that you shouldn't think of it as an obligation, because to me, it is, and clearly, it was the wrong choice to tell you otherwise. Maybe if I told you and allowed this piece of information to digest into your mind, maybe the word break up might not seem so collateral and frequent. And the only reason why I gave you so much freedom in decisions is because after you decide, you'd actually be more mature about it and act more sensible about it. But you chose to say I donno anyways, again and again. So I donno what to do really but to just let you think about what you wanna think. Though, it's not like anyone's supposed to force anyone to think in any sorta way whatsoever.

It's gonna be stupid to say that I want you to stay the same, so I'm gonna say I want you to change. I like everything about you. The level of your English, your writing techniques, your speech pattern, your voice, your handwriting which reeks of artistic sense, your character, your smile and your logical accountability with knowledge and much much more. But I certainly dread it when you bring up breaking up. But if I were to say that I wanted you to stay the same, I would really want you to just think of those happy moments we've had together and focus on those feelings. That's the only same I can ever refer to. Then you tell me whether it's still present now or not. Because to me, those moments are my treasures and they keep me going every single day. Or perhaps your future has clouded your mind so much that you've completely forgotten about what we've always had?

I'll give you time to think. You have until December this year to find the time to talk to me and decide whether you still want to be with me or not. I'm not giving you a few days, not a few weeks, not a few months, but more than half a year to think about this. So think about it properly. THINK ABOUT THIS RELATIONSHIP. And not your future please.

Until then, I shall refrain from going out with you for casual dating. Because your mom already didn't want us to see each other. And seeing how much you wanted her to forgive you, I thought you'd follow her advice too. And it was like nah, you didn't want to. And as much as I dislike your mom, I still have the decency to respect her decision. But I dislike even further the kinda action you're projecting towards your mom. I hate people who do things behind their parents back, because for one, I don't wanna do that to my own mother/ parents and I would never want my own children to do the same to me as well. But since you still wanted to see me behind her back anyways, since I've got no reason to say no other than the aforementioned, I just thought why not.

I'm certain you'd be reading this on day or another , so you'd better let this dissolve in your brain properly before you try anything funny. And God smight me, if I hear you say break up again and it's regarding us and not break up in general context, I'll really just break up with you on the spot. After slapping you real hard on the face. By then, I would have officially broken my own code of ethics to not commit any form of physical violence to women. And I'll take on an oath to never be unnecesarily kind to women anymore.

You have officially lost my trust. Either you earn it back, or you can leave it as it is, damaged and broken. Your choice. Now, I shall be at peace with myself. If you're at your orientation, then you'd best enjoy yourself first and after that, you can think about this. But if you already read this, is in the orientation and can't get it out of your head, then there's nothing I can do. Think of it... as a challenge.

Interesting story? 
I think not.
This is beyond being melodramatic.


Wednesday, February 23, 2011

53/365-11 Some not so Exciting Revelations

Tuesday, 22/2/2011

First off, the colour here looks like shyt. Literally. NO, the original looks tenfolds better than this darned scan. I shall blame the printing shop I went to for the outcome of my scan. So much so that my printed work also came out in this sorta colours. It's really really irritating really. But well, I guess some things happen from time to time. So I'll just take it in and move on aye?
What else? Uh, I know I was sorta sleepy, was planning to head back and finish up my grinding at Siroma's till lvl 95 before I just slept and began blogging about my artwork. Well now, ain't that a surprise. I got a call from my girlfriend. I wasn't particularly excited to tell you the truth. Nor was I feeling negative about it whatsoever. But yeah, she called and she finally came sometime about an hour later. And so we talked.

Btw, before that, I was with Sleepy and Jake and Alex and they were like doing some cool adjustments with their computer parts. I donno what they changed, I just know it's cool and awesome stuff. 

So moving on. Yes we talked. About really happy stuff for the first few moments. But really, I highly stress on the word first few moments 'cause just a while later, my gf became that unreasonable version of herself that I've always known for quite sometime but never really gave a shit about it because, hey, if you love someone, you accept every single part that person has to offer right?

And I also get really really irritated at times when she brings up the part about the size of her assets. Look, I seriously know you aren't happy with your size and if you wanna do something about it, it's really not up to me sister. But for whatever's worth, I'll support you with whatever decision you'd want to make. But well, look what we have here, a problem. Hm? Why so you ask? Because she can't decide, therefore making her push me to make a decision for her? Well, it's not just the boobs. There are other things as well. But I'll add on along the pathway to completing this blogpost.

On a completely unrelated note, I have this whole jar of unopened fortune cookies left to be eaten and so I've been like eating one a day just to see what comes out. I opened one a while ago and well, whaddaya know, it said, "you have a reputation for being honest and straightforward." Just wow. As if I never knew. Well, thanks anyway fortune cookie. You made my life felt more indifferent as ever.

So she was asking me this stupid irritably annoying question that knows no answer again, "do you think we should break up?" Ok, since it's here, what do you guys think? Should we even break up? Ok wait, nevermind, this is our problem I guess, so it'd really make more sense if we could solve it ourselves aye? We had a long conversation about it, and I can kinda tell that it's still not solved yet. Just another motivator to make my life feel greater than it already has been. I'm being very sarcastic now.

This is actually a very simple problem. And I don't see a godforsaken reason why she has to go to such an extent and complicate it so much that even her own mental state couldn't handle the notion well. My answer is always simple, because I tell her, "if you want to break up with me, just tell me and we'll break up la. I never forced you to be with me. Being with me is not an obligation. It's a matter of choice, so just decide."

And her reaction was so simple, it made things so complicated that it even made my cool went out of hand really. I've never met anyone as unreasonable as her my entire life so far. Ok wait, maybe I did. Siew Yan was one. But I'll leave that story for another tale to tell. Now lets focus on this situation.

She answered, "I can't decide! I donno! It's like when I think about the future, 5 years from now, I donno where we'd be heading. And I'm not sure what're we doing right now." I kept on pushing her to reach a decision that it finally broke her down to tears. And well, if she didn't want to decide, then nevermind, I could've just let it go and leave that chat for another fine day. But well, she came back again and asked me whether we should break up again or not.

I'm not sure if you see the point of having the conversation with her at all. It's clearly heading to nowhere. She's running around in circles and she doesn't want to reach a conclusion. It's an unsolvable thing if she doesn't want to decide. Geez seriously why can't you just DECIDE?? Is it so damned hard? Fine, it's hard for you, but maybe somewhat easier for me. I think I said it was easy for me, because really, I'm all done with thinking of the most radical ways to do stuff and to really just enjoy myself and do whatever I can according to my whim. And so far, it's cool. I've been finishing tons of stuff that I've been wanting to do, without neglecting any part of my assignments. I may be dumb, but I'm proud of being able to be contended with this part of my life. If me being happy doesn't make my girlfriend happy, I donno what would really.

She wants me to be her ideal person. I don't see why not I shouldn't be that, but I'm gonna tell you why I sorta just gave up on that. First, I have no idea whether she's in love with me or her ideal man of her dreams anymore. Like I said, when I asked her, she completely dodges the question with I donno. A great ending for a simple problem so it may seem. But maybe she was telling the truth y'know. So I donno what to do now but get irritated as well. I mean, referring back to those few moments of our not so sweet conversation.

Oh, and her comes a girl's greatest weapon. Tears. Oh no, I wasn't going soft anymore then. I gave it back at her real hard. And you guys wanna some know something else I hate more than lies? Indecisiveness. If you can't decide, then don't. I'm completely ok with that. But when there's something completely unrelated to your life and you want someone else to do it so that it'd satisfy you own solitary ego, dude, I don't even think I need my mom to tell me whether that's right or wrong. It's so clear that you're not even supposed to do that. If you were satisfying your own ego by doing things about yourself, hell, I couldn't care less really. I love you for who you are and I accept everything about you. And let me just clearly say this again, I ACCEPT EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. Not clear enough? I doubt anything will if that won't do.

But also, coming to think of it, we're both sorta too stubborn for our own good. She likes to think about the future, and I'm just like, screw the future, just do what I can now to the best I can. And her thinking like that apparently has been going on for ages since even before we started going out. And now you have to gall to tell me that you've been like that all a while? Well, I knew about that part. But considering how you always wanted to not react like that, I consider it a part of yourself that you wanted to change for yourself, so I never brought it up, and expected you to resolve it yourself, out of respect as level-headed individuals. 

So I guess assumptions are wrong sometimes. Clearly that wasn't a part she wanted to change. Ok, I'm fine with that. Then why the fuck are you so stressed up again? I seriously don't bring up the eff in normal conversations unless if I get really really really really REALLY irritated. And she really made me lose it I'm telling you. I mean, she cried and still remained to be so visibily irritating with all her circling. Gosh man. *facepalm x infinite*

Oh here comes the great part. She dished out everything and suddenly said it was a venting of her frustration and even lauded at her scoring for making me cry as well. MY GOD. Swetie. Seriously man. For this part. Really. FUCK YOU. 

But just on the off chance that this stupid conversation happens again. I guess I already know the best solution for it. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Yes. To remain silent and hear out all her "dishing out" if you'd call it, because really, it sounded so real that it seems like it was making her life go out of control. Which was why I was so darned mad. I wasn't angry at myself really. Just her. That was like one of those one out of gazillion times I's get so fiery at a person that I'd scold her for all the wrong things that appear wrong to me and get her to get her life straight. And yes, if I recalled correctly, she made me say, "If you can't even handle your own life, how am I supposed to go on about with my life without ever worrying about you now?" out of sheer desperation. It was almost as if her life was on the line if I don't do something about it kinda desperate.

I was really in tears by then because she made me feel so devastated from all the trust I've actually given to her to just live her normal daily life of studying and whatnot. And she also broke my faith in her somewhat. I donno what to think about it because it clearly will do nothing. And I know she'd be reading this sooner or later. And oh yeah, on the off chance that her parents are reading this. I must say, you guys did a poor job raising a child. First you, stupid father, left the family and furthermore neglected the whole family. I wouldn't see why you, smart mother, wouldn;t leave him so OK, you left him. But WHY THE FUCK did you have to shape your daughter's mindset into such an emotional strain? If I was a shrink, I'd definitely put her own appointments with me. I mean, if a person thinks about the future so much that it make her whole life now so depressed and makes everything seem so unbearable, what kinda person would take that as normal? 

Oh, I guess maybe I would, since I tolerate so much crap on a daily basis anyways. But that's a bit going too far dontcha think? I can understand wanting you to create a better life for your daughter. But seriously, just ask her if she's HAPPY. Just that one single question. If she says yes, I've no further comment. If not, then I trust that you'd be taking the necessary actions to make her happier. And whether you like me or not, getting me out of her life isn't gonna make things better. 

Haih... such stupid trivial things blown up to gargantuan matters.

I am officially pissed. And her patting my head saying as if everything's ok already never made anything feel better. More like, it just made me think that I'd have to deal with this sorta dishing out from time to time. And so I asked her what I should do. Clearly a futile effort since she came out with I donno at the end anyways. So much for problem solving. You've been so helpful at complicating a tiny bit of my life.

And since I'm being completely honest here, if it irritates any of you readers out there, I shall not apologize. But I'll gladly hear what your calm mind has to say about this situation. Since sometimes, people who're in the problem aren't really aware of all the more important things that they currently have or faced because their just so focused on the ones that are in front of them.

I've tried my best piecing out whatever information I could get from her dishing out and this is what I have to conclude. My girlfriend is a very unstable person. She wants me to be better, and well, when I do, it made her sad and she asked me to revert back to my old self. And that didn't happen once. I think there was a solid 3 times. And after that, I just screwed that idea and went ahead with what I wanted to do. Because I believed that if I'm happy, my partner would be happy. And she never brought it up again to me. So I just went ahead with my Plan A. Won't you all good people out there think about the same thing if you were in a relationship? I mean, what good would come from sulking in things that cannot be and like missing the person everyday without a proper direction on a daily basis? Would that emotionally touch a person if you told someone that? Oh well, maybe. But not to me. I've to stay happy. Because if I'm sad, I know my partner would feel even sadder. If you get my point.

It's not like I don't want to change. Like I said. I HAVE changed before. But apparently, it was so scary for her that she made me change back to who I was originally out of worry. Man, can't she just stick to an idea and go all the way out on it? I assume she'd understand that notion since she did finish watching Inception. 

Maybe I should have just asked her what she wanted to me to change. Ok wait, I did. And she said I DONNO. Oh, a very helpful remark. That's certain.

So I'm just tired of thinking about this, and I'm moving on now. But if it really makes her so frustrated to just be in a relationship with me, maybe I'd have to press that break up button myself. Because I'm just the kinda guy who wants to stick to his choice as long as he can and stay undividedly loyal to that one single person y'know? So I always cross out the possibility of break up whenever I could. But since she brought it up so many times and asked me to make a decision about it, which I really didn't want to make because it won't benefit us at all and she doesn't have a clue nor a hint of what'd happen if we broke up. Maybe I should've just tried to see how it goes. 

The only thing I'm afraid about in this relationship is that I'm dragging her down. If I really am, maybe it for the best. But hey, that's not for me to say. You can't break up with one side. Both have to have a mutual agreement to it before breaking up. If not, then, well, that's how you get a premature uncivilized arguments between couples that often ends with eternal grudge. I wouldn't want that now. I may be evil, but evil is just my facade to make things interesting, not to make things worse.

And she also stated that me being random on certain occasions was bad. I'm not even sure what timeline she was referring to since again, when I asked her, she said I donno again.

But y'know, I can't seem to cross out the possibility that maybe she's just saying I donno because she doesn't want to hurt me. If she thinks like that, I really don't want her to keep things from me to protect me. Dude, not giving the necessary information to people is not very different from lying. You know that right? It's like a family who cares and nurtures a child of no blood relation whatsoever and after good 19 years after waiting for him to mature, decides to tell him that he's a foster child. Why can't people just take in a foster child and tell that child, from the very beginning that, "hey, you might be adopted, but we love you and you're always gonna be a part of our family. Make sure you tell us if you need something ok?"

I'm starting to think that I'm the one who's unstable now. Because really, what she did and said that she scored with me bursting into tears made me think that I'm alike to her karaoke session and she'd use me as that tool whenever she wants. To be honest, I felt like she pranked me with all her crying and everything. And sorry doesn't change much. And I can tell that this about the first time that she parted with "I love you" but I never really bothered to say it back. Because all these while, I say it first. And she never tells me back because of this and that and this, so she says. But I donno what to think anymore at that time, and felt that it was better to just remain silent and leave in peace. AND... I no longer want to talk about it.

Oh and Enaj, if you thought my header was cool, wait till you hear what my girlfriend's opinion. But whatever, I'm keeping it, and that's final, because it was designed to be like that. But if more than 5 out of 10 people tell me that it's design-aesthetically bad, then maybe I'll just revert to my old one.

I'm not that stubborn of a person really. If you want to change me. All you have to do is convince me why.


Monday, February 21, 2011

52/365-11 So, if you've noticed

Monday, 21/2/2011

Yes, I've got a new header :D
Mostly out of frustration. Ok wait, not that I was frustrated with my old header and felt the need to change it, but more like it was fun to do the design, but my computer acted up and Blogger decided to be a blardy bitch about it, therefore taking me away from my initial happiness.

First was the stupid rich text editor which doesn't seem to work balls, I've no idea why. You can bold it or italicize the words but you can never change the colour now. And even if you did, you won't get the precise colour arrangement you want, which is pretty stupid if you're asking me. So yes, it was a really frustrating process. 

But on the other hand, thinking about the design was kinda fun. Took me 3+ long hours though. Every inch of it mattered lots. Haha, such is the world of design I guess.

I'm too lazy to give my rationale so I'll let y'all digest the design and think for yourself why I did it in such a way ohohoh.

And I wanna go to that costume cafe one day. Sleepy posted the link. I believe it was And a kind fellow who wasn't my friend at all on Facebook sent me this very kind message that I forgotten the t in my deviantart link. Man, I never realized that until he told me lol. So kudos to him.

And yeah yeah, I'm surprisingly early today. But whadoyoucarehuh? It's my blog so I'll post my posts whenever I want to P:

Ok. I shall do something else now. Bye.


51/365-11 Hahaha, My Sleep Pattern

Sunday, 20/2/2011

My sleep pattern has really just got drastically off the charts. Like, I don't feel tired anymore waking up at 10pm, going through the night till the next afternoon around 3pm, and repeating the whole cycle again after my sleep. In a way, it's kinda cool. But looking at the fact that most shops are already like closed by the time I wake up, maybe it's not the most sound plan ever, but heck, the nocturnal eve is so peaceful its starting to be the most addictive part of the day. I'll skip lethargic evenings anytime to have more time to do stuff during the usual sleep time, since, well, I won't be seen doing stuff most of the time when I'm like loitering around in the evening. Wait, I did place strong emphasis on how lazy a person I am didn't I? Hehe.

Yeah, I made that picture for the fun of it. Just thinking it'd be cool if I just put up a picture of my own that is actually related to the said topic for a change instead of like just putting up pictures with no apparent reason aye? Well, I'm sure none of you would agree to this waha. But who cares anyways. Not like there's actually real people reading my blog besides the people I already know reading my blog anyways. Even if hey don't read my blog, I couldn't care less anyways. Since my goal for blogging is just to ascertain my existence as an extra terrestial sentient being of none significance whatsoever. So to basically put it into words, its just to give proof that I exist and I'm also one of those rotting pieces of flesh like most other people in this world ohohohoh.

Speaking of which, do you know like how addictive great music can be when they're put into a certain given situation? Yes, this is completely unrelated to my post. But if you drew a mind map and had the mapping figured out, maybe you might come to this point at one point or another anyways. Since mind maps are cool when they're done for no apparent reason. But seeing that it relates back to a mind map that relates back to nothing, it can't be that unrelated now can it in terms of relations?

So back to the music part. Uh. Well, what I'm saying is.. people these days are so lazy to choose music that they always put in on shuffle correct? As for me.. I may be a lazy guy, but I find shuffle a tad bit difficult to live with, even if I'm partially married to it in one way or another. You know, is like at one time, you've got a really nice song coming up, and then another song come up in your playlist and completely ruins the damned atmosphere you were already in, that was like making you go to a state of euphoria. Though, it's hard to deny that Shuffle mode can create miracles beyond comprehensible euphoria state at times.

But I was just thinking y'know. What if you could control that flow of music and arrange it according to how you like it to give you that rythmic flow of ups and downs and flats or highs? Like an album. Just that it's Gargantuan, and has more than like 200 of your best picked choices of delicious eargasm? Or any number at that. 200 songs is difficult to finish in a day anyways. A normal album with 10 tracks easily lasts about 45 minutes. So if you're having an equivalent of 20 albums, that'd be like 900 minutes, which is really like 15 hours? Dude, who's gonna be awake for 24 hours anyways? Oh wait, maybe Lam Mei, since she's always like dying to break her old record of survival without sleep. She's sorta addicted to sleep deprivation. Wanna know more? Ask her. Not me. I'm not her. Though, it'd be nice if I could tell her thoughts straight here lol.

So yes. Arranging your music. I did one such thing for myself, and the results are amazing. The emotional climax I get from my songs made my hair stand like a few dozen times instead of 1 outta a thousand chances due to Shuffle's odd nature and even made me cry a few times at the apex of it's emotional spike. It's great really. And what other way to listen to so much music than to meditate with Sierra? Yess...

You're done reading.
If you skipped the wall of text
and jumped here immediately, you're pro.

If you didn't. Well, you're just proactive XD


Sunday, February 20, 2011

50/365-11 It'll be a nice day!

So I'd reckon.

But just to please meself y'know, I made this:

Say Hi to a very fugly picture I made in efforts to represent whatever good I saw in my day. Not that there were much good stuff. But meh, let me do my part of my bragging will ya? P:

So... I went jogging. For a very long time. And intense one too. Even stopped by Zen's place for a bit. Oh, trust me, he never knew I was there. I wasn't one to be knocking on his door without reason anyways, albeit the fact that I was actually on the verge of spilling my guts out due to holding off my poopoo powah for far too long. But I still managed to hold it, and eventually got back home in one piece without passing out along the way. Which was sorta surprising to me. No, not the fact that I finished my unknown unplanned course of greatness, 'cause I know I could finish any jogging course at any given distance, provided that I get ample time to finish it of course. It's just that this time, I felt so tired that I was literally tipping off to be a tad bit semi-unconscious. Well, good thing I never got fully-unconscious though. Otherwise, meh, I wouldn't be here posting this damned post now would I?

But anyways, I sorta broke my old record since I sorta jogged non-stop for a good 1 1/2 hours +. Not too sure of the exact time, but I know damned well I got out of my house around 8, which was really the perfect morning whether which just seems to give you that itch to go out and jog or you'll regret it by the day Cthulhu comes and reign over our world trolololol. And so, I got back around 9.40 am. And that blasted dreamy whether I first saw only laster for the first few moments. After what was felt heavenly during those short moment turned barbequeish and almost too hot for me too handle. But alas, my will power saved me. It's a wonder how will power can help to aid survival in such matters, but not in terms of work and assignments. I'm just such a lazyass sometimes.

Well, comparing myself to Zen now since he's always like actively posting status updates on Facebook about his...procrastination strikes. But well, the only difference is that, his condition really doesn't last that long. And he gets back doing his work shortly after, even if he was reluctant. Because.. well, just like Shai said, he's just a very hardworking lad aye?

Speaking of which, calling Zen a cool person just because he's left-handed is genetically discriminating! Well, not like I could really argue with that statement since him being lefty does have some adverse effects on the way he perceives things and suff. Though, there's still room for doubt here about the advantages of being lefties cause I do know people who are lefties as well, and don't excel as great as Zen. So... I hereby declare that the theory of left people are naturally great to be wrong. Or not. Meh, doesn't matter really. 'Cause I just think that everything lies in your heart, though I may have some trouble finding this heart of mine to work. What my true passion is still remains to be a deep unsolvable mystery to me, in which, seems I'm lazy to figure it out quickly, am going to let it drag for as long as I could help it. Heh.

And one more thing to add about lefties is the fact that they can comprehend a level of logic far better than us right-handed counterparts. Man, talk about living in a right-handed world. If lefties are so superior, than why must our mouse be built according to righties then? Oh yeah, I forgot. The vast majority of procrastinate-ridden people who live on this planet are all righties. Lol.

But if you're lefty, and you're reading this and are getting pissed with my random rant. Well, don't let me get to you. Really, we righties have it bad too sometimes. Like.. our aptitude for logic is suckier, therefore our capacity for coding stuff and computer literacy is probably never gonna be on par with those lefties.

Haha, my gf's gonna be so pissed to hear about my staged laziness. Or not. Wait, did I even plan to be lazy? Or maybe it's just an in-bred habit that has been going on for ... uh, as far as I can recollect since I was aware of my own memory state? Well, I know she's generally quite well with herself now despite her separation, but if anything, I oughtta be working harder aye? *crosses fingers*

I've got less than 0% aptitude for words now, 
so I guess this is so long suckers~ P:

And I shall see to it that random alphabets become
a trend in blogs today. Well, at least in mine hahaha.


Saturday, February 19, 2011



This is Sierra Twinkle. My in-game whore ID character in RO. She was the second Assassin I made in my two accounts, and is by far the most successful character I've made in RO. Well, maybe because  I get turned on by it everytime I look at her I've got all the right equipment along with focused stats instead of shkhafgefhahefu stats. Y'know. Like. When you get excited about how other stat builds are and it somehow distracts you from your initial growth plan, things get pretty screwed up in-game.

So haha. I like her. She's like my wife. Because she's so easy to play. And I don't seem to understand why the female's outfit and stance and everything else seem to look more cool than the male version. The male one, well, if you played it before or at least had a look at someone playing it, you'd see one stupid hand always raised to the chin area, as though the male version has got a hole in one of his nipple and has to cover it all the time until, well, he feels threatened and attacks, therefore showing that his pride is not worth his death.
Trololololol. Speaking of which, man, An Ge's so cool. For some unknown cool reason, whatever sorta word he utters during his presence in Facebook just seem to create a certain pattern of sudden change of behaviour. Like, when he says lol, everyone starts using it. When he said kthxbai. Everyone seems to be using it again. And then when he said trololololol. Well, you get what I'm saying don't you?

I was talking to Shai whilst she waited impatiently for the damned bus that's supposed to go towards her direction to come. It was sorta funny to see the KJ bus come like 5 times until her bus finally came. I believe it was about 1 hour and 45 minutes of godforsaken waiting. Well, she did say "swear to God" which was then followed by a "I go to temples" which might just seem to show that she's not only a multiracial person, but also a multireligious person. Which is kinda cool. As cool as how Fiji's so small but it still has its own independent government which a net currency rate of equivalent to Sing D's.

Maybe I'll consider moving there and be a commercial fisher or something. Lol. Sounds pretty fun. Well, I hear that Fiji's a nice place to go for a honeymoon anyways. I'm not to sure about the facts though. Should have asked Shai about that. Dang.

Anyhow, it nice to know sometimes that you have followers on your blog that you can actually talk to in person. Yes, I'm still referring to Shai, who was sexually frustrated by the way, since she was like Wearing The Colour Purple. Man, if she never mentioned the idea of sexual frustration before back in I-Ching's class, I never would've had any sorta of relation to purple in my life, until my gf came around I suppose, since she just adores that colour, and well, me being someone who likes to tease anyone whenever I have the chance to do so, I make her life miserable by condemning her most favourite colour a sign of sexual frustration. So if you like purple, wear purple clothings (including undergarments), have a tint of purple in your hair dye or even think of purple at any given time, I consider you a sexually frustrated person. 

Oh, don't thank/hit me. If you want to thank/hit someone, go to the source :D Like.. Shai started it? Fufufufufu. And damnit. Shai, if you thought my blog was being monotonous, why didn't you like just post a kind grudgeful comment and like just get the idea over to me like how you did With The Colour Purple? Oh, I consider that a title. Not sure why, but probably because I watched Fantasia's life something video sometime ago on 8TV and she was on The Colour Purple.

So yeah, this sudden urge to post like how I used to just popped out of nowhere which is again, thanks to Shai. I donno. Do y'all prefer my Great Wall of Text or like simple pictures with posts that are made just for the sake of posting? Hm, wait. Don't answer that. My mind already told me I was an idiot. Trololololololol.

Well, I was just posting pictures and short texts like MMS probably due to time constraints back then. But now since I've eliminated that stupid rule that probable had no function in my life whatsoever but to conclude with more unhealthy stress, meh, I say why not just go back to the old way of doing things?  I did go back to RO anyway right? Yes.

And since An Ge's so cool now because 
a lot of people seem to type the things he type,
I wanna pay a tribute to Shai and all others who
follow a certain distinctive style of blogging.

It's called...



Friday, February 18, 2011


Thursday, 17/2/2011


Yeah.. lotsa stuff. Gonna have to hand in later anyways XD

I like my simplified drawing. Haha. Its like the first time I think my own stuff looks kinda cool to myself lol.

Not too sure about the colours yet though.

Well, work hard for a tick later haha.


Thursday, February 17, 2011

47/365-11 Haha, finally done.

Wednesday 16/2/2011

haha, getting lazy now. Well, anyhow, this piece is lightyears better than my disastrous product painting in my previous class which eventually caused me to repeat that blardy sem.

But seeing how things are now, I guess repeating the sem ain't as bad as it looks haha.

You must be wondering what the hell is that chair doing here in my blog post right? Well, I can tell you that it had everything to do with me completing the painting on time. Lol. Yes. Man, I've been always experiencing back aches while finishing up my paintings. But lets just say I won't be suffering from that anymore for the time being ohohoh.

Ok, I think that's all for now. Bye? YES
I need sleep but I don't feel sleepy yet.


Wednesday, February 16, 2011

46/365-11 YAY!!

Tuesday, 15/2/2011
I think I figured out how to sketch properly already wohoo!


Haha.. I finally got the sketch technique right. But man, it looks a lot like the proportion got off again. The face looks definitely too big. Probably because I didn't measure the shoulders properly. Ah man. Nevermind, I'll keep in mind that for my next sketch. Regardless, it feels solid now. And dang, I missed that minor detail at that left breast. Uh, the human left. Not the visual left you see on screen if you get what I mean. Lol. Too bad I'm no boob lover like Koko. He sure pays a lot of attention there haha. But I think that's really besides the point. If I really wanted to do it, I'd have already. Right? Man, I'm such a lazy bastert.

I'm gonna be using this for a character design thingy so... haha, check up for updates if you'd like ^^
And my Sin is 91!

See ya folks~!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

45/365-11 Oh, I messed up some of the orders of my posts?

Monday, 14/2/2011

Yeah, sometimes being a blogger, it's easy to miss such things. And I was always on a rush too. Sure feels comfy to be not on a rush again. Speaking of which, I was closely observing the market trends in RO, waiting for more Hunter Fly cards to pop up really, but y'know I saw one ad that piqued my interested and it's funny how it eventually led me to this.

Here's a sneak preview.

No seriously, check it out. The art is just simply amazing. Took me a while to comprehend that the artist was actually a Malaysian. Man, I wanna be like him. Finally, some REAL inspiration. Check out his works. He also did this comic called Marry Me. The storyline is crazy good! Too bad it wasn't written by him though. But nevertheless, I still love his work. His expressions and postures are so exaggerated and dynamic and looks fabulous at the same time, it's just simple mind boggling! I'm gonna have to take some time to study his techniques one yes much.

All these times, I felt like I was literally fed with examples to follow, so much that they didn't matter much to me. And no, whaddaya know huh, a passion for a passion. I played RO and I stumbled on something I really liked. The world seems so nice sometimes.

Also, I received a very nice phone call tonight. I'm pretty sure you have a good guess who it came from since it could make me smile this big in front of the computer screen, in which I totally understand you can't see with your own two eyes during this very moment. But yeah, man, I sorta realized that I was the one calling her instead of her calling me. But wait, I'm not even sure. Regardless, I enjoyed my 22 minute talk with my gf. Man, I couldn't even care less if her mom actually sees this post. Even if she does, I'm just really wondering when is she ever gonna give my girlfriend a break. I understand trying to ground your children to certain limits, but when they reach a certain age, dontcha think it'd be better to let them make their own decisions for themselves? I mean, sure, which parent doesn't want to shield their own blood from harm? But when you think of it long term, allowing your own children to make their own decisions, fall into their own mistakes and learn from them earlier would be much better than protecting them from what they don't know all their lives until it's probably too late, and when it hits them, they become clueless lost souls?

This just reminds me of one part of MJ's story I heard one time ago. It was shared from another artist, I forgot who, but she claimed herself to be one that was close to MJ or so to be believed, and she said this, "I simply had to opportunity to make all the mistakes I could and learn from them so that they could make me a better person, but as for MJ, he never really had that opportunity since things were always done for him, and because of that, despite his success, he knows little about the world other than the stage and doesn't have many people he could talk to. "

I actually believed that MJ was a pedophile and one time but after listening to this sad part of the story, maybe it wasn't like that. It could be, but I highly doubt so. And he was also a high-strung evangelist against racism so I've heard, which made my sister defend him hard the other time I mentioned about him being a highly probably criminal. Man, why is this post now and not then? Well, it just occured to me I guess. And it relates back to the above scenario. So yeah.

Anyhow, since it's Sadness Awarenes D- Eh, wasn't it supposed to Single Awareness Day? Lol. Anyhow, Happly Valentine's to those who're in love and Happy Single Awareness Day to those who aren't! Uh, don't take it as a bad sign. Staying single as you are know gives you more time to explore about yourself, and also gives you more time to select the right partner for yourself, should you have any favorable acquaintances at your current spur of moment.

I know I had that before, and it's difficult to make the decision at times. Unless if you're really sure, which I doubt anyone would be at their first ever confession/ask out. I confessed to 3 girls before I met her, and I still wasn't sure about them. 2 was serious. 1 was an urge to just try out. They were all kind souls no doubt, and definitely no different than my current one. Only difference is that, I'm quite certain that the feeling we have for each other is mutual, and I think that's the thing that counts most in a relationship.

There was a couple in a certain interview video that was shared some time ago on Facebook. And I like their response. They said that they were just being real with one another, not pretending. And you could somehow really see it through their actions. Felt so genuine. Unmasked. No barriers. Just plain honesty.

So far, my gf and I have been completely honest between ourselves. To the maximum extent of whatever we could cover before our separation of course. And I hope it just stays the same, regardless of how long we have to wait to be together again.

Well, I'll certainly be hoping for her side, but as for mine, it's the usual trust, loyalty and a lot of effort. But y'know what really keeps the distance feel like it was never there in the first place? I donno about others but for me, it's just simple faith that you know she's the one for you.

Haha, all my past crushes had me waiting for ages, so maybe it was some prep work for the real deal now.

This isn't much of an art, but really, if anything, choose to be happy on Valentine's. Feeling lonely won't make you feel the love that's in the air, and I'm not talking about the love you see in between couples. Sometimes, it can just be simply related to a very common and simple idea, like the love for yourself.

Cheerio peeps.

Monday, February 14, 2011

44/365-11 Hey MM peeps.

Sunday,  13/2/2011

Well, specificically Zen and Shai lol. Since you guyz hammered me the other time, I was thinking of going for another go. Well, I thought. Already went for it lol. This is the end result.

Yes. Anything to comment? The other day, I was interviewing the owner from Neo Kee and it just occurred to me that it'd really help a lot if I could pass people a card for the food blog after interviewing them. That way, they could check back with the blog after we've actually posted about their premises?

Well, it's just an idea. But I think it needs to be perfect first. At least to be sure I'm not screwing up the design like I did the other time. And the other time, I seemed to have overestimated myself. Probably due to the fact that I thought I had great scores in I-Ching's Typography class that maybe I was great with my designing concepts too. Man, kinda sucks to know that I went a bit too overconfident. Well, good thing reality kicked in before I wandered off too far in a misled dream.

But you guyz woke me up from that fantasy nonetheless. So it's a good thing.

And I won't be blogging before the dot of 12am no longer, effective immediately. More like I'm just gonna blog about a day, until I fall asleep. To me, that's how my day ends, so I won't give a shit about that darn time anymore. You'll see the days on the top right corners next time. I really really hate rushing for my blogposts. It's not even a damned assignment damnit. Why am I even stressing about it? Geez.

And... I'm 11 levels more to Reincarnation. Hunter Fly card rawks.
I find that restricting myself from doing things just make me even more doomed to nothingness. So I pampered myself these whole 2 days with RO, making my Sin lvl 88 now as we speak. Just a few more thousands to kill lol? Actually 1000 isn't as bad as I thought it would. Normally done within less than 2 hours. Hm.

I think... my mind will finally be able to rest after I'm through with this. That way, I can better focus on my studies after that. So... yeah, I'll balance everything out somehow.

And uh, how do you convert a windows movie maker file into an uploadable version for blogger? I recorded the interview you see, no vid of course. But.. yeah. How ah? Any other software that could edit movies would be great as well I think. Maybe I'll fiddle with it a bit again. But if you could suggest to me before I could find the answer, well, wouldn't that be a blessing haha.

Light 'n easy as always people ^^
Having a bad temper sucks ._.

Cursing when you don't even realize it...

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