Sunday, August 07, 2011

218/365-11 When She Holds Out Her Hand To You

and she tells you that she has romantic feelings for you...
Well, I really couldn't care less what you'd do to such a girl/guy, even if she's dead hot. Smack her, kiss her, rape her, murder her, whatever man. If something like this happens again to me, I'm gonna be keeping all these few things in mind before event thinking about starting anything with anyone whatsoever.

I'll ask this few questions pretty bluntly and see how she responses. But either way, once my mind is set, it's pretty hard to change my perception of that person, but I do acknowledge any display of courage however.

Question 1, are you sure of your feelings for me?
Question 2, if you're given a choice between your family, yourself, you, me and us, which would you put priority first in?
Question 3, will you be able to try and be as understanding as you can to your partner, without making any prior assumptions without consulting your partner first about any issues whatsoever?
Question 4, will you respect the decisions I make, who I am, and how I behave?
Question 5, would you want to change me, if yes, to what extent, and if no why?
Question 6, do you have any plans in the future? If yes, then what would you do if we were in our way of your ideal future? 
Question 7, will you hold your end of your set of responsibilities should you proceed with the relationship, if yes, then how? If no, then forget we ever said anything today.

Not very hard eh? But if given the time and if it's that particular person's first time, digesting all these question at once is gonna be a little difficult to take in. But it's a lot better than starting off with a completely blank page of empty nothingness and knowing nothing of what to do next at all.

Now let me just tell you the kind of person I'm looking for:

I don't give a shit if you don't share any common grounds with me. Interests can be built together. It doesn't require a history to achieve chemisty. If it clicks, it just does. I also don't care if you're taller than me, better educated, etc. Looks and background can be put at the bottom of the list. As long as you're the kind of person who respects others and ultimately respects yourself, everything else is pretty much neglible. All I want is an understanding heart and someone who doesn't cower away when the situation goes awry. Of course, if you don't love me, then gtfo my face.

Personality wise. Well, do I actually need to guide you to a step to step personality now? C'mon man, if you can't be yourself when you're with me, that just means the relationship is never gonna last long. And besides, doesn't everyone have their own set of characteristics and traits? I don't want to be the person who changes your because I ask you to, but I want to be the person who acknowledges changes in you and tell you how much you've changed, if I do notice any. It's really tiring when someone keeps asking you what should she be doing and completely relies on your decision. Mind showing a little sense of creativity and individuality here?

I can only tell so much of my preferences, but in the end, it's whether or not you give enough effort in us or not. Because if you say you love me, then prove that you love me. Because I'll never back down no matter what if I did tell you that I love you. Unless if you can be so unreasonable to the point of no discussion, I've got no choice but to give up.

One example would be when you're not sure if you wanna be with me, or you wanna break up with me, and you're blaming me for everything and expecting me to give you an answer. I'd rather you told me it was a rhetoric beforehand if it really was. If not, then I'd just read it is you're not happy with me, so I'll just pull the plug, the end, bye bye. I hope I don't see you again and tootaloos.

Thinking too much about the future and wanting to break up just because you "aren't too sure about what's gonna happen" is another helluva fine example. If you do it the first few times, it's ok. I can forgive you, and pamper you, and tell you its ok and comfort you. But look at it on another perspective, what if the situation was reversed. Wouldn't you feel very very annoyed? It reeks of irresponsibility somewhat dontcha think? And what's more when you begin to blame me for all your own self-caused paranoia. Hm. I should've slapped anyone who does that again to me ever. But then again, girls are delicate people, so I always choose to restrain myself.

But whuddaheck, it's not like I look at girls like they are females. I just look at them as people. But then, even it was a guy, I would hesitate...

And so, before I can ask any girl my set of questions above, I'll first answer them myself. Not that i expect anyone else to come into my life anyways. But last I remember, I was waiting for a girl and someone showed up in between the waiting period. So whatever man, at least I have something to fall back on should something suddenly happen again. SHOULD. IF. It's a possibility. nfjkhaSZILGh



Question 1, are you sure of your feelings for me?
Nope, I'm not sure... what was your name again? Well, whatever it is, if you're actually really keen with this, I suppose we could give ourselves a chance... if you don't mind me still having my mind set on another person that is. Still fine? Ok, moving on. Because there's gonna be more to take in from here on out.

Question 2, if you're given a choice between your family, yourself, me and us, which would you put priority first in?
Can't I choose all? Geez. I'm only human and I can only do so much. But if you choose to hold my hand, i'll never let it go. But I can never hold a hand that chooses to let go itself for a prolonged period of time. There's only so much one set of hands can do y'know? Uh.. you get where I'm coming from?


And uh, if your parents don't accept me, there's gonna be a slight problem. But I'll do what I can to make them accept me. They can deny me all they want, but in the end, its your choice who you want to be with. As much as I respect the elderlies, I cannot agree with anyone controlling someone's life. So I'll fight for you if need be. Not just to fight to stay with you, but to be accepted as a part of your family. They can't go on forever can they? Sooner or later, we'll shake'em. Worst case scenario, we'll just leave them. by your permission of course.

Question 3, will you be able to try and be as understanding as you can to your partner, without making any prior assumptions without consulting your partner first about any issues whatsoever?
Man, who doesn't assume these days. I may assume some things, but I'll always ask you for clarification, so I hope you can at least do the same for me before sprouting into rage and causing a rift between us without any further digging of info because I really hate it when misunderstandings happen. Only people who manipulate others for their own gain would be glad to see misunderstandings happening all over like wildfire. And I'm sorry to say that I'm not one of those schemers. So if it's a schemer you're looking for, that person isn't me. And i'm also definitely not looking for a schemestress as my partner so...

Question 4, will you respect the decisions I make, who I am, and how I behave?
Of course. I'm not you. Only you can decide for myself. I'll try my best not to decide anything for you, unless if you're asking me what you look good in or whatever while we're on a shopping spree or something. Besides that, I'll lean on telling you that you won't be happy if you let someone else decide things for you, and I don't want you to blame me should something go wrong just because I decided something for you. But if I did happen to decide something for you, then yes, I will take full responsibility. Regardless, if the matter is about us, never take any decision to yourself, 'cause something between two people should be solved by those two people, not just one person from either side. Well, how would you feel if your partner just stormed out of your house with an entire luggage one day without even looking at or speaking to you? How would you feel?

Question 5, would you want to change me, if yes, to what extent, and if no why?
O sure, you could have some better curves and a prettier face and... Hmm.. Nah. You be who you want to be, do what you want. I'll support your dreams and I hope you do the same in return. If you don't however, then I only ask that you don't get in my way. And as long as you don't commit any sort of funny felonies, I'm pretty much open with everything. But if you're really used to lying to people, I'll make you be an honest person by always being honest to you, to the point that you start feeling guilty about lying to me. But I never said you can't lie. But I always prefer the truth. Sometimes they can hurt, but nothing's better than the truth. You don't have to trust me. You'll know when the time comes. But know that if you betray me, forgiving you is gonna be the hardest thing I can ever do. You have to understand that lying and betraying are 2 completely different things, but they can be aligned together somewhat sometimes. So tread carefully in the world of deception. It can be used for good things. So don't misuse it.


And I'll try to show you how it's like to love and value yourself if you haven't known how yet. But only if you let me.

Question 6, do you have any plans in the future? If yes, then what would you do if we were in our way of your ideal future? 
Yes, I have plans. But it's not like they're all written in stone. Things can be improvised from time to time. I don't always have to stick to one route all the way. And I suggest you do the same. And don't worry about my future being in the way, because if there's any future, it's gonna be a future for the both of us to live in. Well, the only thing you might have to worry about is if I don't come back home everyday or we don't talk to each other that often because we're both busy with our own things. But if there is any route i'll stick to, its the route I chose with you. Unless if you choose to abandon it first then there's nothing much that I can do. And I can chase you across the nation just to get an explanation from you, but if it doesn't make you happy, why bother?

Question 7, will you hold your end of your set of responsibilities should you proceed with the relationship, if yes, then how? If no, then forget we ever said anything today.
If you're going along, I don't see a reason why I shoudn't. I've been honest about how I felt about everything and if you're ok with me being the way I am now, why not right? How would I hold my end of responsibilities eh? Hmmm... I'll be frank. I cannot guarantee a bright future for the two of us. I might not be the most diligent of people, so if you're ever gonna call me lazy, make sure you don't let me catch you in the red. Because I'm gonna find so many black spots in your daily routines that everything will begin to backfire. 


But for one thing, I'll never tell you that I'm not good enough for you. Because even if I did, it's already too late. That kinda line should only be said before anything was even given a kickstart. If you chose me, I'll respect your decision and never ever say that to you, because it is very disrespectful and it's unfair to your partner. Especially if the other person is working hard at keeping the relationship in tact. Always think in reverse and you might just have an idea about all the things I've just said. If you're in a relationship, just keep asking yourself if someone were to act this way to you, would you feel ok with it?


And oh yeah, I'll never ever ever ever let my partner share my financial burden. House funds are manageable together but personal business and such.. no. I mean, I've gotta have a little pride as a man (pfft sexist. Alpha male.) right? Like being financially independent. Besides, who would want to leech of the goodwill of their partners anyways? Oh wait, I know of such people. But who cares. Their irrelevant. A lot of things can happens. Loan can go deficit, inflation can cause currency depreciation, businesses can go bankrupt, accidents can happen, and yeah... But if I do ask for financial help, know that I'm at the edge of desperation, with all options exhausted.

Everyone will have a different opinions of their own preferences and whatever. But for now, this is for myself. When you have your first chance at a relationship, you won't know what to expect, so there're bound to be things that would happen here and there to test the mettle of the bond between two people. You'll be naive, innocent, and curious and you'd always be enraged to see couples arguing and fighting because they don't value their relationship or whatnot. But after a while you'll begin to realize why they argue and fight,  because when the same situation happens, there's only two possibilities, either you know what went wrong because you've been paying enough attention, or you just plain don't because you just don't fucking care. And if you do know what went wrong, its up to how the two of you keep tolerating one another and forgiving and making up and the list just goes on until the two of you are back at the stable equilibrium of things. Then can only you start over together.

Those 3 traits, naivety, innocence and curiosity would either lead  to the downfall of a disastrous relationship or the upbringing of a healthy relationship.I probably don't know a lot, but I know this much from my first-hand experience I guess. Because right now, I'm not an empty soul who's cluelessly searching for my other half anymore, yearning for some love, understanding and sympathy just to fill up that gap inside of me due to the scar left long ago that triggered my surge of depressive emotions, driving me to the point of suicide.

Things have changed and I've come to understand that its ok to be alone and stand on your own two feet, without that special person. Because you yourself is a special person. And I can pretty much tell that you won't be aware of that until you've actually be with someone. Because when someone's begins to demand drastic changes from you, that's when you know who you really want to be and what are your general preferences about who you want to be with. Sure there may be dark times being alone. Who doesn't have them? So in a way, its another form of happiness. But for one thing's for sure, I might be alone now, but I don't feel the least bit lonely. Because I now know the value of my own self worth. So whoever it was who ignited this spark within me, I thank you all.

Because I've never felt 
so comfortable by being 
with my ownself for a very 
long period of time.

Cheerio.
OC

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