Wednesday, November 09, 2011

311/365-11 There's a thing

Looks like something aye? Ugh.. nevermind.

click image to view slideshow ^^
No no, the feeling is going off. I'm gonna have to start back from the first piece again. I fancy the colours there better. And the outlines should stay. Somehow. And I should keep the hints of blueness from the third. However I'm gonna do it. C'mon Osla, you can create a finished piece. Just keep trying and don't give up.

Friday, going to the Eternal Magic to run some final errands for my brother. Maybe play one last FNM before I go on assignment rampage. Oh wait, I already am in assignment rampage.

Everything is laid out before me. I have everything I need to succeed. I'm healthy. I have a roof over my head. My tummy is well-fed day after day. I have someone I could trust all my life. I've got my own laptop, a good sturdy bed, etc. But why do I feel like I'm always missing something? Is it motivation? Passion?

I have them too. Yet, why must they all wade or fade away when I need them most? Maybe I'm defining them wrongly in my own context? What motivates me? Getting a good job? Having a good life? Provide for my family? Keep my promise to both my girlfriend and myself? Drawing something nice?

Y'know, there's so many questions you can throw at yourself at one time that it just simply drowns you sometimes. And what's worst, it makes you suffocate so much to the extent that you simply don't even have that little bit of space to answer any of them, because they just keep piling up as you grow older. But I'm just beginning to think that sometimes, it just doesn't really matter. Be simple. Be minimal. Think less, do more. Plan more, execute more. Do both, and maybe you (I)'ve got a good chance with life. MAYBE

Then what about passion? What is it? I'm still searching for the answer, but is it really necessary to know our true passion? Does it really matter? How many people actually knows what fires them up to wake up 5am in the morning just to do it because they love it so much? Oh wait, there's actually a lot of them. But does it matter to me? How much does it mater? Will it make you better if you knew about it?

I donno. Maybe I just don't care. Or perhaps its just me thinking of myself as some sorta lost cause. Or maybe passion is just something you're not meant to define, better left unknown, untouched, something a lot like love. You have no bloody idea what the hell it is, but lookey here: love, passion, no matter who you are or where you're from or when you're in, you'll be always searching for the answer to it because you just don't fucking know right?

Donno. Maybe. SO heck this shiet and I'm just gonna find it along the way somehow, somewhere, sometime. Because, it might seem odd, but it's almost as if the biggest passion in my life is actually finding out what the fuck passion actually is. Will that do? Heck, I just don't care anymore.

So. Maybe passion is just not knowing what I means and finding out whatever the heck it means by doing what I do best every single bloody day, just like how love is not knowing what it is and finding out what it means together with that special someone.The only probable obvious difference is the fact that love needs two. Passion doesn't necessarily need it.

Incoherent? Good, that explains why I'm so fucking confused.
Or maybe I'm not. Just my mind playing games with me.


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