Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Shadows IV

Life is so short that you can literally just walk through your
memories and be surprised how soon you'd stop walking.

There's so much to do. So many people to spend time with.
And yes, the problem here is spending time. Every second
spent will not come back. We all know this. But feeling it's
effects at middle age with no achievement nor security in life
whatsoever can be comparable to a patient battling out his
last moments with cancer in the wards.

Financial freedom is one issue. There's a myth that says that
as long as you're a millionaire, you'll be financially free. That's
not particularly true. And you don't need to be a millionaire to
be financially free.

All you need to gain financial freedom, is the freedom from debt
and enough auto-income to allow yourself to live without having
to worry about looking for a job.

But of course, if you have a family, then you're gonna have to
recalculate everything.

Obtaining the right insurances for the right things and paying for
their premiums is also another issue. Health insurance is one thing.
If you have wife/husband, make sure you know they have one if
they don't, because the hospital stuff will be very brutal with you
if you give them the hassle. And costs for emergency action when
things happen is a big blow to your wallet. You not only pay for
surgeries if needed, but also the amount of days you need to stay
in ward if you have too. Health insurances cover that for you, so
make sure you get one.

Car insurances are pretty much the same, just that it's about car
accidents and insuring for the repair costs of your car instead of
your sustained injuries during a possible accident.

If you've got a family already, then saving up a fund for you children
is very important. You want them to have the freedom to choose
what or who they want to be. But if you don't do it, then make sure
you don't regret not doing it.

Then if you're having debts, paying them on time is mighty important.
You'd probably have to take leaves from your job to deal with them
sometimes. Because if you don't pay them up, they add up penalties
or fines to your tab. So you've gotta watch that debt thing from getting
outta hand.

Lets not forget taxes. You have taxes for almost bloody everything. Car
tax, house tax, land tax, license tax if you own a shop and others that
that might have slipped under my nose.

But there's a trick to reducing taxable income. You can do that by giving
out charity funds, saving transcripts of your payment for educational institutions
wherever your children are enrolled in, and getting loans for lands and properties.

Of course, you have to pay back loans after acquiring them. But getting
properties whole immediately makes it taxable immediately too. So there's
something to juggle already over there.

Then when you have children, you've gotta make sure you don't screw up
for as long as they remain under your care and supervision. This is the time
where life is almost all bad bad bad bad then suddenly something good
comes out and makes it all worth while, then bad bad bad again.

And a higher pay doesn't necessarily mean a better life. If
you've got higher pay, there are higher taxes and higher living
standards and expenses if you wanna lead that lavish awesome
life. Greed seeds in all humanity. So unless you learn to control
that demon within, trust me, even if you earn 100k a month,
you're never gonna be financially free even when you hit the
age of 60.

So, that's the general basics up there. Everything else are personal
expenses, needs, wants, goals, and whatever else you wanna put into
the equation of priority and time.The stuff up there are all things you're
gonna have to put up with whether you like it or not. Even if you own an
island somewhere, if a country happens to claim it, you're also gonna be
taxable. So there goes your free life.

You've got these, relationships, and your own life to cover, so how're
you gonna juggle them all around? That's up to you to decide. If you're
ambitious, better make sure your eyes are not blind to the things listed
above, because ambitious people tend to focus so much on their careers
that they just miss out all these stuff. And things will get really ugly when
all the basics are not put out right.

So yeah. I think there's one more shadow to splurge out. But if I don't,
well, we'll see. OC

Monday, January 30, 2012

Shadows III

My brains are beginning to itch. The small grains of hair on my my skin are beginning to respond
to my feeling of dread. It's weird to only have this kinda realization that life really is so bloody short,
and you've pretty much having less than 20 more good years to live, if you're about the same age
as me, considering how much time we were actually given to realize this. What happens after? Well,
you body will become frail, simple movements become a chore, aches here and there, diseases
and problems almost everyday. It's like watching your parents grow old. Just that it's your turn.

This kinda things are like a slow hunch huh? You never really realize it's impact until its full weight
suddenly just drops at you at one go, bombarding you with the sudden fear of what mortality means.
Dying. Growing old. And for most part, watching the people dear to you depart before your time.

Well, I'm not about to put a bloody curse on all your parents or old folks. But what I would do is
putting things into realistic perspective. Most people'd die at the age of 70 or so. If they live longer,
it might be a blessing, might not be. But hell, if you're still alive, shouldn't you be grateful already?

The answer to that is a blunt no. 70 is the age where few have the privilege of good health. Chances
are, most people who hit that age are already suffering from something. It doesn't have to be a chronic
disease. Just know that any small disease can be lethal at an age where your body's recuperative system
is just not as great as its prime.

My dad is 64. Or 65. He's still healthy with minimal conditions. Still driving his taxi. Still religiously
tending to his spiritual needs to cultivate and nurture himself. Still trying to be the best that he could
be, despite his many flaws. All in all, he's been a successful dad to me. So I'll find time to thank him
the best I can for all his years of fending for me. And just to be safe, I'll mark 5 years of my life to
make sure I really treasure the moments I have with him.

My mom is 56. She's already having crams, flatulence on a daily basis, and doesn't have the ability
to do anything too strenuous anymore. Same goes to my dad on the strenuous part. But I guess my
dad is in better shape compared to her despite the age difference.

My mom probably has another 14 to go then. So, it's a good idea to treasure all those ticking
moments I have with her. But that goes without saying to anyone you hold dear to anyways.

I spend a lot of time with my mom. For that, I may have a few regrets. But really, what are a
few assignments, work, meet-ups, events and parties compared to spending time with the woman
who carried you in her stomach for 9 months? What good is success without your family or those
who are important to you?

I guess I'm getting pretty sceptical as of late. It's you've either felt like me before, or you will be
sooner or later when it comes down to stuff like this. It's just a matter of time. And I consider myself
lucky to have realized this sooner, and not later.

So, am I saying that all parents will die at the age of 70? I hope they don't, but if they live past 70,
one can only pray for their good health, and if they aren't healthy and need constant care, then I hope
most people can set aside their past conflicts with their parents and care for them with whatever time
they have left together.

Mom... I'm afraid for her. I can see the process beginning to take place. Medical advances can only
do so much. But it can never cure death not matter how much you look at it. There's little that could
be done besides trying to make her life more at ease, and spend more time with her.

Yes. Spend more time with her. With him. With them.

Well, there's also the matter of tragedies happening every now and then.
But since death is already within reach anyways, knowing that 5-14 years
is gonna one helluva fast-paced action movie, lets not jinx the tragic to happen.

I know some of you who're reading this already have a set plan in your road to succes,
or maybe you're like me, someone with a plan, but doesn't quite know how to utilize it
well yet, or you might be one of those carefree people who really just take things as you go.

So here's a reminder. The people around you won't live forever. Your dreams might. But
people just don't. It's against the laws of nature to be immortal.

So while you're chasing after your dreams, or pursuing your passion, or doing what you
love to do, just remember to spend a few minutes, seconds if you can't afford wasting too
much time.  Remember that every moment counts, and every second you have is another
opportunity to create magical moments together with those who matter to you. The ones
who helped you become the very person you are today. And make those moments count.
Because when their times are up, there won't be a sympathetic reset button for you to
change things. What you get is what you get.

In this kinda age, distance isn't a problem. So you probably know all of the many ways
to communicate, but lets say nothing beats a one-to-one talk. You might think the time
you spend with this people doesn't matter much, even if you and whoever wasn't close
to begin with. But trust me when I say bonds of blood go beyond the realm of understanding.
Sometimes, you might think you're hating that particular person, but in actuality, you're
just channeling a lot of your frustration to an object you believe to be the source of all
your worldly troubles.

Unfortunately, for most part, we end up blaming our parents. Even when deep
down, we know it's not right, and it's not even true. Because I know there's one thing
most people can't deny, and it's the fact that almost everyone at one or several points in
his or her life has said "i wish I wasn't born into this world" be it seriously or not.
If you've said it before, don't worry. It's actually perfectly normal. It's just a sign telling
you that there are just things you don't like about your parents, family or background.
Nobody is born satisfied. Everyone has a certain greed for as long as all basic needs
are met.

So cherish those who you know have a shorter time span with you as of now. If you don't
want to, just remind yourself of the scene of a deathbed, and the person on it it's that someone
you know. How would you want to send him/her away? What would you expect to hear from
him/her during his/her final moments?

Just ask yourself is you want to be asking yourself this (with full spite) when the time comes,

"I wish I could've spent more time with him/her."

Though, I doubt anyone would actually not ask themselves that since time is never enough
for us to be with everyone all the time while we pursue the things we want in life. So play less
games. Relax less. Stress less. Bond more. Whenever you can. However you can.

There's more to tell, but I guess I'll save that for some other time. OC

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Shadows II

Believe it or not, we've all been assholes at certain points in our life.
There are intentional ones, but there are also those time when you
just donno what the fuck you're trying to do, and you end up hurting
a lot of people in the process, just to protect your ego or pride, or for
most part, we don't even realize how we became an asshole. 

Going through the list of contacts revived more than just the memory
of that boy, but many others as well. People are always interconnected
with one another, and from one name, many others will appear altogether.

I was beginning to see how the assholes I knew back then were so annoying,
and it's funny to see that I've actually emulated some of the things that they do
without even realizing it. 

Was it to protect myself? Really now? Was I that insecure of a person?

It's beginning to be a lot clearer now. Why certain people hated me or felt
irritated around me. I like to poke fun at things. And sometimes when I go
too far anyways, I just won't stop. I often ask myself why. And the answers
don't seem to come easy. But I guess one of the answers at the time was this,
"this is about the only thing you're good at, you might as well be either the
best or worst of it. Just make sure you're remembered."

But that was back when depression was my best friend. How about now?
Am I still the same asshole back then? 

The answer is yes. Probably worse now since I've gotten more stubborn
with the help of time, and me being that isn't making things any easier for the
people around me. But I continue to be that same asshole. Whatever for?

There's the argument of wanting to be that kind of person, because people
like that are necessary in a community of people in order to allow that
same community to function better.

So are you saying it's ok to be a murderer because the society needs one
in order to evolve? It's really sick to say yes. But I guess that's a fact.
Complacency gets people nowhere. Conflicts and the resolutions of them
makes people better.

But then again, it's just sick.

Do I want to continue being that same asshole? A partial yes. Believe it or
not, it really helps when dealing with people who're just there to make your
life miserable. But those times are over for now. I've never met anyone sane
enough to try and bully me at my age. But I predict that I might once I enter
the world of work.

Being an asshole also constantly pressures people to be better indirectly. Especially
when you're always poking at what the people you know are either weak or terrible
at. There are also those who intentionally become assholes for noble reasons.

But I'll just let you know that I'm not on of those nobles. If there's anything, really,
I guess being an asshole is kinda fun. And it's somehow a lot better than being
a timid silent person. It makes conversations and jokes come along easier, since
everyone is always poking fun. 

I used to think that people who have issues with things are just people who can't
see how small the issue is compared to what the world has to offer. I still think that
way. Only that I've learnt to respect certain rights to remain silent, as I do too when
I wish not speak another word of that particular issue. But its funny to see that once
you give way for that respect, a lot of people take advantage of it. And that's the 
part where I'm really able to differentiate between the friends that are greater 
hypocritical assholes than myself, and those who're always staying true to themselves.

I guess I'd just rather be able to talk and and express myself freely around people
then not being able to do so at all. This was an easy way out for me as an anti-
socialite back then. But now that I've matured, do I still need this?

All this perks, at the cost of hurting a few people. And what if this few people happen
to be the most important ones you have in your life?

I used to wear masks and change facades of myself in different situations, but I guess
I got tired of not being me. And if there's anything, I guess that asshole we all know
is who I am.

I guess this is a time to declare how I wish to be as a person. So I'll tell you now.
Being an asshole wasn't my initial choice. It never crossed my mind before. But
after being that kinda person so long, it just seems to suit me somehow. But do I
want to be an asshole all the time?

I guess not. I want to be a nice person too at times. But for most part, I guess the
asshole role suits me just fine for now. Mmm.

There are more shadows to cover besides this, so lets time out for now. OC

Saturday, January 28, 2012


These days, a certain feeling of mine has been intensely magnified. It feels somewhat like dread.
Of the future. Of how short life really is. How little we're allowed to do for the world while we live.

I was browsing through my phone, copying contact one by one. And as I went through the lists,
I start to reminisce all the memories I had with each one on the list. It's funny, but I suddenly
remember so many unfulfilled promises I made to myself, to this certain few people.

There was this one boy especially. Back then, in secondary school, I was a depressed boy.
Really depressed, until a certain friend gave me a good slap to the face. But this boy, if I was
a depressed boy, I have no idea how to describe his situation. He sort of aspired to be me.
He revered me as one of the best people he knew. I felt bad. Because I know I wasn't all
that great. From time to time, he'd ask me for advice, and I'll just give him my honest opinion.
And while we were classmates, I remember him breaking down to tears twice.

I had an English teacher. A bit of an asshole and a flirt. But he's a nice guy. He kinda sucked
at teaching English, but if anything, I think he'd make a pretty good spontaneous life coach.
The kinda advices he gives sometimes feels like the ones you can only get if you meet someone
who's went through so much that he knows exactly what to tell you.

And I guess this boy was lucky to have him there at this particular moment. I think it was just
days after his last breakdown or something and we had the following English class. Title for the
day, Poems. And we were asked to write and present each of our poems in front of class.

Everybody did their parts. And this boy, it felt like a sparkle rekindled in him. That moment,
I think I learnt the meaning of hope in a life where you're just so tired and exhausted to live in.
Especially when you're not even in the 3rd world countries, or are in any disastrous state. In his
world, physical survival doesn't matter much in a world where you struggle mentally to live.

He talked to me after, and I said his poem was good, which was true, if not for his grammatical
mistakes. I told him I liked the poem and asked if I could take it back and see if I could tweak
it to make it sound better. Boy, was I full of myself. Or was I genuinely trying to help him?

Midway, things caught up, I had to help train the juniors in the marching team since I was
commander that year. Then there were exams. Trials. After that, SPM. Never really got to
that poem. And I even lost it. I have no idea where it is now. I don't even remember how it
sounds now. Man. Man.

Winning the marching championship that year lifted me up from the ground. I never felt
depressed ever since. But I guess that achievement clouded my vision from the promise
I made to myself to do. The irony of it is actually about realizing it now. 4 fucking years later.
What am I to do about a past that I can't change?

The past is beyond my grasp. However the boy still exists. I've never talked to him for 3 years
already. I remember having him somewhere on Facebook. But it's not there anymore. Did he
change his profile name? Did he deactivate his account. I guess there's no way for me to know
without me asking him myself.

It's already been so long, and for all I know, he'd probably not be the same person I knew back
then anymore. I hope for that. But if he's still tormented with an invisible cage he just can't get out
despite his desperate attempths, then if there's anything I could do, after college, I guess I'll gladly do it.
I'd want to say I want to do it now. But realistically, I can't even so much handle my life properly,
so who the fuck am I to meddle in his life? I might have good intentions, but really, just who am I
to meddle in his life, or any other person's life for that matter?

Thing is, I don't have that right.This isn't about helping him anymore is it? It's just about me trying to
finish something I started for myself. Such "honourable" selfishness you have there Osla.

But I guess I can offer the help. Not give my help directly. At least, he'd still have room to say no
should the day in question beckon in the future.

Well, this isn't the end to my shadows. But just the beginning of it all of all the cumulative darkness
I've been gathering. There'll be more. But if anything, know that I'm not near anywhere emotional
when I posts such thing. I guess I just need to make peace with the many demons I have within.

It's getting long-winded, so I'll leave the other shadows for another time. OC

Friday, January 27, 2012

Oh Man

was searching for a certain album when i stumbled on this
I think I just got an idea for a banner. Man, Vietnamese people are so cool.
And that image and placement is for one season/celebration. I assume they
change it every festive season? Sweet Jesus. OC

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Little Wonders That Form a Miracle

Just last week, I was at my friend's birthday party. She's pretty well off,
the house is big enough to fit in a party of possibly a hundred. Not
a mere exaggeration as much as one might hope that it is.

Everyone was having fun in their own way. The dinner was great too.
Lots of pizzas, malay delish goodness, pasta, gazillions of fresh sushis.
Eating wasn't an issue. Hunger certainly wasn't too. If there was anything
everyone could agree on, I think it'd be that all of our stomach were
content and satisfied.

Then after the dinner, we were told to gather down the hall.
I wasn't expecting a sermon, considering her dad being a pastor
and all, and I breathed a sigh of relief when it turned it that it
really wasn't meant to be one.

It was a birthday speech. Little one he prep'd for his to-be-21-years-old
daughter. Miracles can be done in small ways sometimes, and for Mr.
Daddy there, that miracle took him 21 years.

It's goes like this. Before the big house, the family lived in a proud small
residence. Then when she came into their lives, things began to change.
They didn't know how well they'd be doing after that.

Most people who get rich and wealthy tend to fall into a corrupted world
of greed and neglect, little that they know what they pursue consumes them
from within.

But this guy. This guy, made half the hall go into tears. Throughout all the
accumulated successes and wealth he's had over the past 21 years, he
never forgot his ties, love and care to his family.

He flipped the projector on screen, page to page, each year featuring
pictures of her daughter, from 91 till 2011. For us people, scanning'em
pictures, making'em into a slide is a slice of pie. But to a man in his 50's,
with many other responsibilities in his life, it was a daunting task.

He planned it in advance, about 2 weeks ahead. Little did he know the
birthday party was to be held a week earlier. And rushed he did. Till the very
last minute. He finished the whole slide just a few minutes before his speech.
And still carried it out as planned.

The picture slides, were all fun stuff about his daughter. How she evolved
from a cute little baby into the very lady she is now.

Then came this part. He opened up an album.

There was a list there and he read them all one by one.

They were all short, but in each number on the list, reads a special
moment or memory both he and his wife have had with the presence
of my friend in their lives.

I do remember a few. Hope my brain can still crack it out after
a week's worth of waiting.

91..the first time I held her in my arms. I felt like the most blessed
person in the world to be given a gift like this.
92..she walked into my arms for the first time. I felt so grateful
that she was still strong, healthy and joyful.
93..she drew her first picture. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
96 .... kindergarten. The first time I had to let her go without me being
there for her.
... she won her first drawing competition. The teacher praised her talent.
... our house were filled with beautiful drawings from her. It was a sight
to behold.
... her first prom event. I'm proud to see how much she's grown into such
a fine young lady.
08... she told me she wanted to be an illustrator.
10... she decided to join TOA. We respected her first decision into adulthood.
11... she was busy with assignments. I pray for her success and that she'd still
find time for herself and God.

he didn't write anything for 12 yet. he also didn't have any pictures for 12.
but what he did say was this.

"This is the time where she is already a full-grown-adult, and by tradition,
children at this age will be granted freedom. And..."

Her mom steps up and present her a key locket. My friend was in tears.
The crowd was in silent admiration at the moment.

When my friend finally accepted the gift and gave her parents a hug,
we all cheered and clapped as hard as we could. We were all in awe.

Definitely a very different experience. I've never been to such a heartwarming
birthday party before. I'm kinda wishing that one day I'd be a dad like him.

All the little things he did. Writing those notes down, compiling the pictures,
organizing the party, supporting her all the way. My friend actually thought,
she wasn't close to her family, and wished she could be closer. I guess we
can consider that wish granted for her. And for that, I'm sure everyone's
happy for her.

That was the my friend's miracle.


But did you catch the head fake?
Well, this probably isn't the most important thing here, but what really struck
me as a miracle from that moment was how her dad was still able to balance
out family, wealth, career and faith without having to compromise the relationship
he treasures the most. His family.

Little miracles count I guess. But I'm pretty sure he worked very hard to
get to where he is now. So if there's anyone on my honours list, he's gonna
be my first on top of the list, with a title saying -Most Amazing Dad.

He ended his speech with a prayer of success to all the attendees to the event.
I usually feel awkward when people give prayers. But I guess it didn't happen
to me this time. I donno. It felt sincere.

And thus I end my tribute to this respectable figure that is unknown to many by
extending his prayer to all my readers.

"I pray to the Lord for your success, and that the Lord will always show you
the path to your ambition and, I pray to the Lord that you will always find strength
in the many unprecedented challenges to come."

It's a paraphrase. Nothing exactly similar there.
I'm not a Christian too. But there ya go peeps. OC

Saturday, January 21, 2012

sponsor kit v2.2

The link is here.

Changes made:

  1. New receipt template. Not necessary to print
  2. added gallery space
  3. rephrased bare minimum 50 from elements.

Prejudgmental Prejudice

Just a few hours ago, being unable to unsee what i've experience, I was forced to go through another odd scene of my family's. Odd being the fact that there actually was no reason for any quarrel or misunderstanding to occur. But it still happened anyways. So...

Lemme try and recap.

Dad : Peng, am I getting RM20,000?
Bro: *defensive switch on* What? I paid you already right?
It was 10k all along ma.

Dad: (trying to get clarification) Uh.. but you said I was getting 20k?
Bro: (?offended?) Nolah, it was always 10k all along. Wahlao, pa, I
know you can be so calculative about your money la, the last time I took
your taxi also you charge me, I didn't say anything, you go donate money

to Penang and drive there every weekend also I didn't say anything. (wtfmode)
now you want 10k extra?
Dad: No, no, it's just that you told me I was getting 20-
Bro: (interrupting) Ok, pa, I'm a very straightforward person,
so I'll let you know now that I'm feeling rather upset. I mean, 

what more do you want? I paid 10k every year for the family, 
now you're asking for another 10k? I mean, if you want, fine la, 
I can just throw another 10k at you, but I never told you to do 
anything with your money, so you're telling me to do something
with my money?
In my dad's head of course

Dad: Uh, but wasn't I a major share holder in the company?
Bro: 20k? For doing nothing? (highly irritable mood)
Dad: (apologetic) Uh, I donno la, I'm just asking only, it's just that I thought you said 20k.
Bro: So you're trying to say that you're not getting enough isit? It's supposed 
to be 10k what.But last year I gave you 10k + 10k (bonus). That's why 20k.
Dad: (trying to end convo as soon as he can) Oh... aih, nevermind la, nevermind la, 
thanks for telling me. I was just thinking if you need help you can ask me.
Bro: (gets it the wrong way) .. pa, if you got something to say you just say it now.
-i uber facepalmed myself in my head when this text appeared-
Dad: (received the signal) uh, nevermind la, it's ok, I think i just
misunderstood you only. I thought you said it was 20k. That's all.

Peng: (not satisfied with the answer) *stares abruptly and waits for a response*
Dad: it's ok, it's ok, no need for you to get upset over this.
Just a misunderstanding. it's ok. Thanks for telling me.

conversation ends with a long abrupt silence.

...yeah. Family stuff. Pretty pissy stuff sometimes.

Wel, I guess if there was anything that could be changed to create a better turnout, 
which I highly doubt, it'd be if my dad said, "Peng, just asking, did you say I was
getting 20k last year or not?"
Still, it'd be nice to picture a pleasant, civilized and
educated talk instead of the above. Not to say that it's pretty primal or anything,
just thinking about what could've been avoided if the right words were chosen
in the very beginning.

But even with the right words, chances are, the results of a conversation with
someone who is already inherently suspicious/prejudice/distrustful of you is
pretty easy to predict. You don't have to know how bad it's gonna be. You
just have to know that it will be bad no matter what you do. Unless if you're
some sorta social genius of course, which is pretty rare by the way, but I digress.

Anyways, just to make sure I'm not understanding the word prejudice, I might as 
well have a look at what the dictionary has to say.
an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand orwithout knowledge, thought, or reason.
any preconceived opinion or feeling, either favorable orunfavorable.
unreasonable feelings, opinions, or attitudes, especially of ahostile natureregarding a racial, religious, or national group.
such attitudes considered collectively: The war againstprejudice is never-ending.
damage or injury; detriment: a law that operated to theprejudice of the majority.

So yeah, I guess I was right about that. thought if definition no.1 is already as it is, the word
prejudgmental really isn't needed there on my topic. But not that it matter much anyways.

.. here I go. 

Prejudice. It happens to almost every single person in the world. I'm not that aware of people
who aren't enemies with anyone yet, 'cause everywhere I go, people always seem to have 
someone their either not fond of or the other way around, which is pretty sad really. Because
most of the time, the people who are in the conversation are so absorbed in it, they just can't
look at it objectively as us outsiders do. And the prejudiced party will be twice as likely not
to realize how stupid they are compared to the one without any prejudice.

Sucky unfortunate psychological social phenomenon.

Lemme give you a sample situation. You don't even have to be face to face.
This kinda prejudice happens in any form of communication, for as long as
that particular person hold the prejudice against you. Let say this is a text
message to the other person:

You say "I'm selfish."
The other person reads quickly and irritable 
and read it as "You're saying I'm selfish?? wtf?"
You just ask "how are you?"
The other person immediately thinks you're
trying to nose into his 
personal affairs in life.
You say positive things.
Every positive thing heard by the one in prejudice
is misinterpreted as sarcasm, and is therefore negative
no matter how nicely you choose to rephrase them.
"You say nice meeting you."
And that person just feels glad that an asshole like you is off his back,
and feels that you're the most incredible hypocrite ever, acting goodie
with everyone you both know but in reality, you're just an asshole.

Then sometimes, people around the situation will just see right through the situation and
experience the facepalm effect. Because they know what the hell went wrong, how to 
rectify it, and wished so hard if they could only just make the parties involved realize 
that what their doing is just making them look stupid (especially the prejudiced one) 
without the people themselves having to tell the parties involved directly. 

But then again, why bother getting involved right? Almost every other people in the 
world are part of those who label every problem with others' as not one of their own, 
since.. well, who doesn't haven't a lot of problems already? So they just go "its not my
problem, why should I get involved?" even when there's a problem statement right in
front of them just begging to be trifled with and trifled with using the right kinda nudge.

But I guess we're either just very respectable human beings or ignorant selfish bastards.

I don't blame this sorta behaviour. It's to be expected in a world where people can be sued for
actually attempting to save someone's life. And the irony of this is when the victim is actually
the one suing his savior. Great world we live in.

But think of this situation, what if you're one of the two parties, you being the one asking a 
simple question and being responded with hostility by the other person, and you just happen 
to actually just see through the objective analysis of what's happening in your conversation. 
Now, lets say you had the epiphany already, what'd be your next move? 

Kinda hard to tell sometimes. But I guess if you're sincere with what you say, it'd somehow 
make it known to the other person that you're not looking for trouble and you talking to him 
is just as genuine expression of friendliness, like how you say the hi's and bye's to your fellow 
friends when you chance upon meeting them randomly somewhere. 

But luck has to be tilted towards your side if that were to happen properly and effectively..
Because if that person's prejudice against you is really great, whatever it is you say will be 
interpreted as negative no matter how much decore you'd wanna put into your words. Stuff 
sometimes really just don't go your way, and they could get worse when you least expect it.
Just be glad they didn't come out to be the worst

But I hope most of you are lucky. Because I know I'm not in this context XD
But its ok. For me that is. I understand that people will have their differences
and sometimes, people just can't accept you for who you are, making them 
very unforgiving toward any mistakes you might have done to the person 
directly or indirectly be it big or small. And the funny part about this is that,
no matter how much you wanna be nice to the other person, that person will
just keep on looking for new ways to shoot at you point blank, even if that's
not whatever you're trying to say to him.

It just happens sometimes. Like how a 8-year-old relationship with your girlfriend
can just shatter at the next phone call due to some unforseen entities playing against
you or just really poor circumstances.

Because whatever it is, a relationship is based on trust, so without trust, there will
be no proper relationship other than maybe an acquaintance, a very neutral position,
not good, not bad too. Or well, you'd just become enemies or rivals at worst.

So yeah. People come and do in our lives. If its a bad ending to that relationship,
just don't look at it too negatively. It could be good for both parties. You being another
thorn out of his life, and you not having to deal with more repetitive misunderstanding,
because you know how futile it is to reason with someone who's holds prejudice
against you and how much time it wastes.

It's just better to leave the prejudiced group of people alone at times. With a bit 
of luck, maybe the prejudice will disappear altogether. But always expect'em prejudice
to grow stronger, because if there's anything I do know, time doesn't really dilute any
sorta feeling, but rather it magnifies all the strong feelings/qualities/memories you have.
And humans being the shit magnet they are, fucked up stuff just get accumulated a lot
faster than the bad ones.

Ever wondered why when you loved someone, and when that person isn't
around, you start to think of all the good things that happened between the
two of you and you just become more loving to that person, causing you to 
miss that person so much you heart aches?

Ever wondered why when you hated someone, and when that fucker isn't
around, you begin to think of all the bad things that happened between the
two of you, and that hatred just multiplies and makes you wanna punch
that person the next time you see him?

But for the second case, it's mostly wrong since people usually mature with time
( i hope). If not, well, I just hope humanity will one day find their way outta this 
spiral to neverending social suffering. *fingers crossed*

If not, then well, at least I still have my humble abode of literacy over here.
Hope it still lasts through my entire lifetime though. Me being persistent is
already default, just wondering what kinda circumstances can cause me to
give up such a rewardingly relaxing hobby? OC

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

SOPA, If Only I Don't Have Assignments Tomorrow, the Day After, And the Coming Days to Come.

I'm probably doing this wrong.


But heck, something is better than nothing. So,
here's a link to whatever is it you should be reading
about what's gonna happen tomorrow.

And since it's Malaysian time over here, I guess
whatever strike happens later tomorrow will be
of 13 hours difference, since the strike will be
happening at 8am EST till 8pm EST from what
I've heard. So be prepped for the tweet updates
or however it is you wanna follow up with before
9pm preferably. Clear yourself off assignments/
dates/events, whatever. But if you donwanna,
well, its your choice. Just don't start complaining
when the internet begins to become something
you don't even wanna access to anymore with
all the inappropriate censorship going around.

So, if you guyz wanna continue blogging and all,
at least read the stuff there. Once the act goes up,
it might be less distractions for people who face the
com all day, and it'd be the day hallelujah is shouted
amongst college students for being able to focus on
their studies for once. But for people who use internet
as a communicative tool for sharing ideas and ideals,
it's gonna be a huge blow to each and everyone of us.


Evolution of the web will stop. And if that happens,
lets just say we'll begin to deteriorate faster than we'd
be able to evolve due to the cut of real reliable information
to our progressive thoughts. I hope the idea of living with
monkeys suit you though 'cause if you don't, then, well, it'd
make a difference for you to act.

16/1/2012 minutes

16/1 minutes

get your sponsorship kit here since Facebook
is always a bitch to any links but video links.



sioyean sharing after first batch presentation

- filter artwork according to type of industry you
wanna market yourselves with

EXAMPLES : Advertising, film & tv, Game & animation, publication

Try to give more artworks for prioritized field/career.
eg. if concept art, then put concept art folder as 1-concept
then if illustration is your 2nd choice, 2-illustration,
3-portraits and so on.

Name of images remain as 1-20. You may include additional
sketches in a group to solidify one piece if needed. Like
for Kinsun's assignment last sem when we had to use picture
reference to get natural compositions, if you got study sketches
before the final piece, include all in the sketches.

Prefarably create a preview mode so that you don't have to switch
between folders too often ^^

hopefully can pass files to me by Thursday? Today
everybody like forget got presentation, come here
a bit blur, then start around 10.30-40am liddat lol.
Ended up ending at 11.45 @_@

So, for those who haven't present yet, after cny prep
yeah. Hohoho.

after cny, please show website and name card.


updated 7 comms.

Pres - Chee Kong
Vp - Jas
Finance - Osla
Art D - Shaz
Head of Fundr - Nadirah
Head of Media - Zhe Hui
Head of Production - Chen Liang

theme - Reverie 95
to be pleasantly lost in one's thoughts (dreams)

storybook way (story theme)
main character (art direction theme will create brief)
people will be divided into groups or interest/similar skills/style
character will be kept as constant. Background will be varied.

general outlook, photos.. (plagiarize XD)

kudos to wen kang for photos :)

master collab work , according to people divisions.
artwork must stand on their own as well as connect with
each other as a whole painting.

gallery colour mood split complimentary most probably
think Kidchan/Beatrice colours, but fantasy-ish?

sponsorship kit, no need print. If can use digital copy or
jot down the information provided. But you can print
if it's more convenient for you ^^

As for receipts, we'll be getting some el-cheapo ones.
Since well... we'll be getting our RUBBER STAMP.
Hold on. Then who'd be holding the rubber stamp?? 0.o
K, we discuss next meet...
current workforce teams

art direction
liu hu
hor yee

zhe hui
kai lee
wen kang
keen fai

ah liang
zhen wei
zhun hao
yee chuan
yoon hin
wang kai

kai lee
wen wen

so people, if you encounter problems
with your positioning or are not sure of
what you need to do, please call your
respective heads. Already left their numbers
in the Facebook minutes. Donwan let people
know their numbers here trolololololol. ^^

wednesday need to show progress for robot and
finish at least outline for storyboard (refine frames)

And uh, WEAR RED, says Johnson.

Kdone. OC

Sunday, January 15, 2012


Because facebook is a bitch and said the link was spammy so.

Here's the presentation/folder thingy that sioyean gave to me the other time.

Saturday, January 14, 2012


This other time, I stumbled on my friend's blog and he was talking
about his dad, who was a carrot cake merchant. I never tried it
before. But according to the customers, they're pretty awesome.

So anyways, he was helping out his dad as usual at the store,
and there was this regular. After finishing the customer's order,
and time to receive payment, the customer asked him to keep
the change with an RM10 note.

His dad insisted to give back the change, but strangely though,
he stopped resisting when the customer said this, "I've been
eating your carrot cakes ever since I was small. And they
still taste great! Think of this as a token of my appreciation
for still making those delicious cakes you always do."

Both my friend and his dad were both stunned and touched.

What's my point? Well, for one thing, his dad is a hero.
Because, he continued doing what he does best the best
way he can without putting a stop to it. People with great
working etiquette like that is always a hero to me.

And now, this is about another friend. This time, not a blog
post, but about what he does. These few days, no, these 2
weeks, he's been working really hard on this once piece of
artwork. So deliberately self-driven. Even after doing it for
2 weeks and the finishing still didn't hit the par, I started to
develop a deep sense of respect to him. He was able to
continuously work on it even when knowing that he might
not get the results he wanted. He didn't get the results, but
it seemed like it didn't matter. It was as if the process for
him was what mattered most, something a lot of us artists tend
to forget when pressed under a lot of deadlines and all. And to
me, being so lost in all this buzz, what he does just seems like
such a heroic trait to me, breaking the silent hectic norm.

Well, there's also this one person. She always tries her hardest
in all her plans, even thought most of them are pretty much
doomed to fail. But amidst all that, she still manages to maintain
close contact with me even when we're so far apart. Long distance
takes lotsa effort to run! And that's why she's a hero(ine) to me
and I try my best to understand her situation even when she forgets
the little stuff from time to time. Because no matter how flawed someone
is, if you love that person enough, those flaws just seem to match like
jigsaws to a puzzle.

So, in efforts to be as determined as the above people are, I shall
now bombard you with loads of ?artworks?

my tutor is awesome ^^
There are some ticks there. Mmm, what should I choose?
Wanna choose for me? XD Can't let my determination waver. OC

Monday, January 09, 2012

Max storage capacity?

So fast? WTF?

Oh, no wonder. I have about 400+ pictures uploaded. All scan size.
Just in case you're wondering, scan size is like... 2-3mb each. So.

I only have 1gb of free space.

Sad stuff. Looks like from now on, any pictures I have, I'm gonna have to
upload through imageshack or some other image uploading tool.

It's gonna be a pain to align everything again though. Google isn't making
it all that friendly for non-Google stuff. Man, Google, is that your marketing
strategy or what?

Well, it's either that or I have to pay like 5 usd a month to extend storage space?
Worth the convenience? Maybe. Got any other alternatives to not pay? Of course.

Downsides to not paying for extensions, maybe have to delete some photos (already
deleted some) Can't upload backgrounds to blog or any other related images.
If can't upload, cannot change. Stupid nyer... Why cannot use link? *shrugs*

Ask Google.

Lesson? Resize all your images as small as you can. 300kb should be terrific enough
in terms of quality methinks. Well, there's just far too many photos for me to reupload.
Not to mention most of them are already gone thanks to my extremely "reliable" Samsung
hard disk, which reminds me I need to get a new one before tragedy strikes back again.
And you don't need your pictures to be so bloody big. Most blogs, max are at about
1800x1600 only mind you. Pixels. So keep that in mind, if you need to resize your images
or you have some gorgeous photos or artworks that need people seeing. I think if anything,
those larger size photos should be posted elsewhere. Not here. Yeah.

Mmmmm...  guess I'll leave some of my favourite images from last year for you to see.

I guess I did some good stuff last sem.
But were they good enough? Hmmm.
And since I'm reaching capped limite
of storage, I'm considering using another
gmail account to start another blog. Or..
maybe I could try tumblr? Hmmmm...
And maybe I should start drawing
everyday again. Or should I not?  

Oh yeah, I can still post on Deviantart.
But it'd be inconvenient for certain people
would it not? Ah such a stupid dilemma. OC

9/1/2012 minutes

9/1/2012 minutes


Fundraising -Siti Nadirah

Production - tbe(to be elected)

Art Director - Shaz (Head)

Media & PR - Zhe Hui (Head)
- Johnson
- Kai Lee
- Keen Fai

committee - tbe

Fundraising. (sponsorship)
Go back ask relatives/friends/whoever
Don't have to be monetary (but well, money is obviously da best),
can be paper, beverages, equipment, printing, etc.

Theme name
Can use number as base
Can use the initials of numbers (in words)
like 95 maybe n and f
Theme names are as below:

Names suggestions:

level 1
95 . Hope . May . Extreme . Magic . Eden . Beyond
Perspective-Looking glass . Kami . Prism . Aurora
Pandora's Box . Peng . Chronicles . Journey like a story
Odyssey . Growth . Johnson . Expendable gua
Psyche . Uniqgua . Genesis . US.A . Brainstorming
. Blank . Delirium . Evolution . Pantheon
 Beginning . Epoch . E-pop . Saga

level 2digital
BSOD - Blue Screen of Death . Bytes . Redo
ctrl-z . prtscrn . Not responding . Giga . Progenitus
Spectrum . Impossiblu . Windows 95 . Point > Program
CS95 (Creative Students 95) . Possibilities . Potential
Hue . Social Network - use network everyday to mai chai
Theta . GAN - Great Artist Nation . LAB - Like A Boss
Rembrandt . Renaissance . Da Vinci . Pixie 95 . Empire
Convent . Planeswalker . United Under Heaven . Dimension
Carbon . Fresco . Treshold . Flashback . Evoke . Infinity
Frontier . Horizon

Next Week (sioyean)
Arrange folder according to category :
Digital Imaging
Editorial Illustration
Sequential & Storyboard
Portrait & Caricature & Figurative
Making (concept art and character design)
*note that if you don't have such a category,
you need not include it. max 20 pieces (best)

Cover sheet template is provided here.
numbering system is from 1-20
sample folder is drawing 10 pics
so drawing 1-10
Then when continue to Portraits
drawing 11-20. etc.
start with whichever folder first.

3minutes slideshow each person
for the same 20 artwork above.
try to take the ones you really wanna show
if you wanna do more manga, show more
manga, but if you want concept art, more concept
art etc. If you like ping fan style, don't jumble up
with regular portrait or figure paintings. Looks odd.

That's it for today.

Wednesday, January 04, 2012


Someones asked about my kitteh. So.... Here ya go! OC

Malaysia Top Car Websites

Hey all, doing another blogging job today. Today, I'm gonna write a review about Carsifu and maybe compare it with Autoworld and Carlist, which are both having a lot more car ads and better user experience in my opinion. But lets leave that until later shall we ^^

First up, Carsifu looks very clean and modern overall. I hold nothing against the design, other than that funny looking Formula 1 car thingie beside the Carsifu logotype. Just looks a bit weird. In fact, I'd rather if the logotype looked like PropWall or iBilik (formerly known as Caribilik) but heck, I'm sure they italicized it for a good reason, and that reason being wanting to show how fast cars can be. Well, besides that, I have no further comment on that part XD

Secondly, I don't get why Carsifu doesn't have an advanced search toolbar like the Autoworld and Carlist fellows. It makes things a hell lot more convenient if you could just filter out the information you're looking for. Without it, competition with other top car websites is next to obsolete. So I really do hope that the design team puts it up as soon as possible for convenience purposes. If not, there's a good chance people will choose the latter ones compared to Carsifu. I mean, there is a big difference when you can set a minimum budget/mileage/cartype/location compared to just car type. Or maybe its just that most people who'd want to purchase a car would already be looking at the bran type/model first? If that's the case, then maybe it is justifiable to the site to make it as such. I'm interested in cars, but I don't dabble in its economics too much, not to mention that I have zero experience with car dealing so I might not be all that knowledgeable with how a real car deal works.

Kinda odd to start off with the bad stuff eh? Not to worry, I have some good stuff too. Good stuff being that they use the same ad system as PropWall and iBilik, which is a good thing. Just sign up, no verification required and they'd send you straight to the Dashboard, where you can do your stuff like posting up new car ads or whatever you have bookmarked.

Now, to add on from where I left off above, Carsifu does have its very own quality perks that sets it apart from the other top car websites, and that is the fact that on it's Home landing page, you'd find a list to your right with the car brands of the coolest cars you'd have ever heard, ranking from Audi's to BMW's and etc.
Pretty handy stuff for Audi/BMW lovers. But I think the order has changed somewhat. Maybe now it's up by popularity or some sort? 'Cause Porsche is like in between Perodua and Proton, like number 8,9,10? Audi, BMW and Porsche all fall under the expensive cars section. So it'd make sense if they were all on top together. Now, only if my speculation is correct, than yes, the list is arranged by popularity.

But if that's the case, doesn't that change the target audience of the website? Originally, it might've been targeted for people with/looking for hot rides. But now, it's like trying to focus on convenience, but without an advanced search option? Ok, I'm really confused. So you wanna cater for both or target on a specific interest range? If not then, please, if you do happen to read this, just put on the Advanced Search. If not, well, there's nothing much for me to do about it? I'm just a blogger after all XD.

So yeah, there's that for now. Carsifu is great for searching for that special car, just not as great Autoworld and Carlist, only and only because they don't have that advanced search option. Once that's put in, then maybe the competition level of the sites will be equal once again haha.

Cheers y'all.

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

3/1/2012 minutes

a little teaser. got told off just now saying that it's too early. I agree. I missed that part like totally. Man, even took the
trouble to make the FB page and blog too. But later eh? Need to bomb our audience when we swing by in style.

So.. first Grad Campaign meeting has ended. A little minutes here.


done collectively
14-26 april (monday 16th launching)
exhibition booklet
class website

individual objective (for every student)
personal website and namecard
free web hosting behance
30th Jan finish all personal stuff.

Advisor Contact (10am-6pm weekdays)
012 2500 659

pres chee kong
vice jas
finance osla
other posts will be done by volunteer/application or by recommendation.

Other stuff:

  1. Need to get quotations for prints (Chee Kong got it. A1 size. 27 each with lamination and something coating. Not inclusive of 10% dc yet. But can get.) Basically we need to think about quantity+quality+frame if needed.
  2. Booklets. Price quote and confirm how many pages per member, artworks, etc.
  3. Theme. have to wait for decision. Peeps ain't not wanting the numbers, but I think FA95 sounds cool. Courtesy of Shaz and his awesome imaginations. It's read as FAGS mine you. But it also means like Fantastic Art 95 or something. Whatever. See what they decide.
  4. Need to create budget. Can't create budget without'em price quotes.
  5. Decoration~ later.
  6. Promo. Theme not even finalized yet. What promo wor?

confirm getting 4k d. There are another few students not sure if they'd be participating or not. If yes, then maybe 4.8k+/- After settle budget, need to see if we have enough funds or not. If not enough, then have to do a little fundraising.

OK, that's it for now. Time to do other stuff. OC