Saturday, January 21, 2012

Prejudgmental Prejudice

Just a few hours ago, being unable to unsee what i've experience, I was forced to go through another odd scene of my family's. Odd being the fact that there actually was no reason for any quarrel or misunderstanding to occur. But it still happened anyways. So...

Lemme try and recap.

Dad : Peng, am I getting RM20,000?
Bro: *defensive switch on* What? I paid you already right?
It was 10k all along ma.

Dad: (trying to get clarification) Uh.. but you said I was getting 20k?
Bro: (?offended?) Nolah, it was always 10k all along. Wahlao, pa, I
know you can be so calculative about your money la, the last time I took
your taxi also you charge me, I didn't say anything, you go donate money

to Penang and drive there every weekend also I didn't say anything. (wtfmode)
now you want 10k extra?
Dad: No, no, it's just that you told me I was getting 20-
Bro: (interrupting) Ok, pa, I'm a very straightforward person,
so I'll let you know now that I'm feeling rather upset. I mean, 

what more do you want? I paid 10k every year for the family, 
now you're asking for another 10k? I mean, if you want, fine la, 
I can just throw another 10k at you, but I never told you to do 
anything with your money, so you're telling me to do something
with my money?
In my dad's head of course

Dad: Uh, but wasn't I a major share holder in the company?
Bro: 20k? For doing nothing? (highly irritable mood)
Dad: (apologetic) Uh, I donno la, I'm just asking only, it's just that I thought you said 20k.
Bro: So you're trying to say that you're not getting enough isit? It's supposed 
to be 10k what.But last year I gave you 10k + 10k (bonus). That's why 20k.
Dad: (trying to end convo as soon as he can) Oh... aih, nevermind la, nevermind la, 
thanks for telling me. I was just thinking if you need help you can ask me.
Bro: (gets it the wrong way) .. pa, if you got something to say you just say it now.
-i uber facepalmed myself in my head when this text appeared-
Dad: (received the signal) uh, nevermind la, it's ok, I think i just
misunderstood you only. I thought you said it was 20k. That's all.

Peng: (not satisfied with the answer) *stares abruptly and waits for a response*
Dad: it's ok, it's ok, no need for you to get upset over this.
Just a misunderstanding. it's ok. Thanks for telling me.

conversation ends with a long abrupt silence.

...yeah. Family stuff. Pretty pissy stuff sometimes.

Wel, I guess if there was anything that could be changed to create a better turnout, 
which I highly doubt, it'd be if my dad said, "Peng, just asking, did you say I was
getting 20k last year or not?"
Still, it'd be nice to picture a pleasant, civilized and
educated talk instead of the above. Not to say that it's pretty primal or anything,
just thinking about what could've been avoided if the right words were chosen
in the very beginning.

But even with the right words, chances are, the results of a conversation with
someone who is already inherently suspicious/prejudice/distrustful of you is
pretty easy to predict. You don't have to know how bad it's gonna be. You
just have to know that it will be bad no matter what you do. Unless if you're
some sorta social genius of course, which is pretty rare by the way, but I digress.

Anyways, just to make sure I'm not understanding the word prejudice, I might as 
well have a look at what the dictionary has to say.
an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand orwithout knowledge, thought, or reason.
any preconceived opinion or feeling, either favorable orunfavorable.
unreasonable feelings, opinions, or attitudes, especially of ahostile natureregarding a racial, religious, or national group.
such attitudes considered collectively: The war againstprejudice is never-ending.
damage or injury; detriment: a law that operated to theprejudice of the majority.

So yeah, I guess I was right about that. thought if definition no.1 is already as it is, the word
prejudgmental really isn't needed there on my topic. But not that it matter much anyways.

.. here I go. 

Prejudice. It happens to almost every single person in the world. I'm not that aware of people
who aren't enemies with anyone yet, 'cause everywhere I go, people always seem to have 
someone their either not fond of or the other way around, which is pretty sad really. Because
most of the time, the people who are in the conversation are so absorbed in it, they just can't
look at it objectively as us outsiders do. And the prejudiced party will be twice as likely not
to realize how stupid they are compared to the one without any prejudice.

Sucky unfortunate psychological social phenomenon.

Lemme give you a sample situation. You don't even have to be face to face.
This kinda prejudice happens in any form of communication, for as long as
that particular person hold the prejudice against you. Let say this is a text
message to the other person:

You say "I'm selfish."
The other person reads quickly and irritable 
and read it as "You're saying I'm selfish?? wtf?"
You just ask "how are you?"
The other person immediately thinks you're
trying to nose into his 
personal affairs in life.
You say positive things.
Every positive thing heard by the one in prejudice
is misinterpreted as sarcasm, and is therefore negative
no matter how nicely you choose to rephrase them.
"You say nice meeting you."
And that person just feels glad that an asshole like you is off his back,
and feels that you're the most incredible hypocrite ever, acting goodie
with everyone you both know but in reality, you're just an asshole.

Then sometimes, people around the situation will just see right through the situation and
experience the facepalm effect. Because they know what the hell went wrong, how to 
rectify it, and wished so hard if they could only just make the parties involved realize 
that what their doing is just making them look stupid (especially the prejudiced one) 
without the people themselves having to tell the parties involved directly. 

But then again, why bother getting involved right? Almost every other people in the 
world are part of those who label every problem with others' as not one of their own, 
since.. well, who doesn't haven't a lot of problems already? So they just go "its not my
problem, why should I get involved?" even when there's a problem statement right in
front of them just begging to be trifled with and trifled with using the right kinda nudge.

But I guess we're either just very respectable human beings or ignorant selfish bastards.

I don't blame this sorta behaviour. It's to be expected in a world where people can be sued for
actually attempting to save someone's life. And the irony of this is when the victim is actually
the one suing his savior. Great world we live in.

But think of this situation, what if you're one of the two parties, you being the one asking a 
simple question and being responded with hostility by the other person, and you just happen 
to actually just see through the objective analysis of what's happening in your conversation. 
Now, lets say you had the epiphany already, what'd be your next move? 

Kinda hard to tell sometimes. But I guess if you're sincere with what you say, it'd somehow 
make it known to the other person that you're not looking for trouble and you talking to him 
is just as genuine expression of friendliness, like how you say the hi's and bye's to your fellow 
friends when you chance upon meeting them randomly somewhere. 

But luck has to be tilted towards your side if that were to happen properly and effectively..
Because if that person's prejudice against you is really great, whatever it is you say will be 
interpreted as negative no matter how much decore you'd wanna put into your words. Stuff 
sometimes really just don't go your way, and they could get worse when you least expect it.
Just be glad they didn't come out to be the worst

But I hope most of you are lucky. Because I know I'm not in this context XD
But its ok. For me that is. I understand that people will have their differences
and sometimes, people just can't accept you for who you are, making them 
very unforgiving toward any mistakes you might have done to the person 
directly or indirectly be it big or small. And the funny part about this is that,
no matter how much you wanna be nice to the other person, that person will
just keep on looking for new ways to shoot at you point blank, even if that's
not whatever you're trying to say to him.

It just happens sometimes. Like how a 8-year-old relationship with your girlfriend
can just shatter at the next phone call due to some unforseen entities playing against
you or just really poor circumstances.

Because whatever it is, a relationship is based on trust, so without trust, there will
be no proper relationship other than maybe an acquaintance, a very neutral position,
not good, not bad too. Or well, you'd just become enemies or rivals at worst.

So yeah. People come and do in our lives. If its a bad ending to that relationship,
just don't look at it too negatively. It could be good for both parties. You being another
thorn out of his life, and you not having to deal with more repetitive misunderstanding,
because you know how futile it is to reason with someone who's holds prejudice
against you and how much time it wastes.

It's just better to leave the prejudiced group of people alone at times. With a bit 
of luck, maybe the prejudice will disappear altogether. But always expect'em prejudice
to grow stronger, because if there's anything I do know, time doesn't really dilute any
sorta feeling, but rather it magnifies all the strong feelings/qualities/memories you have.
And humans being the shit magnet they are, fucked up stuff just get accumulated a lot
faster than the bad ones.

Ever wondered why when you loved someone, and when that person isn't
around, you start to think of all the good things that happened between the
two of you and you just become more loving to that person, causing you to 
miss that person so much you heart aches?

Ever wondered why when you hated someone, and when that fucker isn't
around, you begin to think of all the bad things that happened between the
two of you, and that hatred just multiplies and makes you wanna punch
that person the next time you see him?

But for the second case, it's mostly wrong since people usually mature with time
( i hope). If not, well, I just hope humanity will one day find their way outta this 
spiral to neverending social suffering. *fingers crossed*

If not, then well, at least I still have my humble abode of literacy over here.
Hope it still lasts through my entire lifetime though. Me being persistent is
already default, just wondering what kinda circumstances can cause me to
give up such a rewardingly relaxing hobby? OC

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