Monday, January 30, 2012

Shadows III

My brains are beginning to itch. The small grains of hair on my my skin are beginning to respond
to my feeling of dread. It's weird to only have this kinda realization that life really is so bloody short,
and you've pretty much having less than 20 more good years to live, if you're about the same age
as me, considering how much time we were actually given to realize this. What happens after? Well,
you body will become frail, simple movements become a chore, aches here and there, diseases
and problems almost everyday. It's like watching your parents grow old. Just that it's your turn.

This kinda things are like a slow hunch huh? You never really realize it's impact until its full weight
suddenly just drops at you at one go, bombarding you with the sudden fear of what mortality means.
Dying. Growing old. And for most part, watching the people dear to you depart before your time.

Well, I'm not about to put a bloody curse on all your parents or old folks. But what I would do is
putting things into realistic perspective. Most people'd die at the age of 70 or so. If they live longer,
it might be a blessing, might not be. But hell, if you're still alive, shouldn't you be grateful already?

The answer to that is a blunt no. 70 is the age where few have the privilege of good health. Chances
are, most people who hit that age are already suffering from something. It doesn't have to be a chronic
disease. Just know that any small disease can be lethal at an age where your body's recuperative system
is just not as great as its prime.

My dad is 64. Or 65. He's still healthy with minimal conditions. Still driving his taxi. Still religiously
tending to his spiritual needs to cultivate and nurture himself. Still trying to be the best that he could
be, despite his many flaws. All in all, he's been a successful dad to me. So I'll find time to thank him
the best I can for all his years of fending for me. And just to be safe, I'll mark 5 years of my life to
make sure I really treasure the moments I have with him.

My mom is 56. She's already having crams, flatulence on a daily basis, and doesn't have the ability
to do anything too strenuous anymore. Same goes to my dad on the strenuous part. But I guess my
dad is in better shape compared to her despite the age difference.

My mom probably has another 14 to go then. So, it's a good idea to treasure all those ticking
moments I have with her. But that goes without saying to anyone you hold dear to anyways.

I spend a lot of time with my mom. For that, I may have a few regrets. But really, what are a
few assignments, work, meet-ups, events and parties compared to spending time with the woman
who carried you in her stomach for 9 months? What good is success without your family or those
who are important to you?

I guess I'm getting pretty sceptical as of late. It's you've either felt like me before, or you will be
sooner or later when it comes down to stuff like this. It's just a matter of time. And I consider myself
lucky to have realized this sooner, and not later.

So, am I saying that all parents will die at the age of 70? I hope they don't, but if they live past 70,
one can only pray for their good health, and if they aren't healthy and need constant care, then I hope
most people can set aside their past conflicts with their parents and care for them with whatever time
they have left together.

Mom... I'm afraid for her. I can see the process beginning to take place. Medical advances can only
do so much. But it can never cure death not matter how much you look at it. There's little that could
be done besides trying to make her life more at ease, and spend more time with her.

Yes. Spend more time with her. With him. With them.

Well, there's also the matter of tragedies happening every now and then.
But since death is already within reach anyways, knowing that 5-14 years
is gonna one helluva fast-paced action movie, lets not jinx the tragic to happen.

I know some of you who're reading this already have a set plan in your road to succes,
or maybe you're like me, someone with a plan, but doesn't quite know how to utilize it
well yet, or you might be one of those carefree people who really just take things as you go.

So here's a reminder. The people around you won't live forever. Your dreams might. But
people just don't. It's against the laws of nature to be immortal.

So while you're chasing after your dreams, or pursuing your passion, or doing what you
love to do, just remember to spend a few minutes, seconds if you can't afford wasting too
much time.  Remember that every moment counts, and every second you have is another
opportunity to create magical moments together with those who matter to you. The ones
who helped you become the very person you are today. And make those moments count.
Because when their times are up, there won't be a sympathetic reset button for you to
change things. What you get is what you get.

In this kinda age, distance isn't a problem. So you probably know all of the many ways
to communicate, but lets say nothing beats a one-to-one talk. You might think the time
you spend with this people doesn't matter much, even if you and whoever wasn't close
to begin with. But trust me when I say bonds of blood go beyond the realm of understanding.
Sometimes, you might think you're hating that particular person, but in actuality, you're
just channeling a lot of your frustration to an object you believe to be the source of all
your worldly troubles.

Unfortunately, for most part, we end up blaming our parents. Even when deep
down, we know it's not right, and it's not even true. Because I know there's one thing
most people can't deny, and it's the fact that almost everyone at one or several points in
his or her life has said "i wish I wasn't born into this world" be it seriously or not.
If you've said it before, don't worry. It's actually perfectly normal. It's just a sign telling
you that there are just things you don't like about your parents, family or background.
Nobody is born satisfied. Everyone has a certain greed for as long as all basic needs
are met.

So cherish those who you know have a shorter time span with you as of now. If you don't
want to, just remind yourself of the scene of a deathbed, and the person on it it's that someone
you know. How would you want to send him/her away? What would you expect to hear from
him/her during his/her final moments?

Just ask yourself is you want to be asking yourself this (with full spite) when the time comes,

"I wish I could've spent more time with him/her."

Though, I doubt anyone would actually not ask themselves that since time is never enough
for us to be with everyone all the time while we pursue the things we want in life. So play less
games. Relax less. Stress less. Bond more. Whenever you can. However you can.

There's more to tell, but I guess I'll save that for some other time. OC

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