Thursday, May 31, 2012

Against Theodicy

Something a friend posted.

"If, as they say, God can abolish evil, and God really wants to do it, why is there evil in the world? If he wants to, but cannot, he is impotent. If he can, but does not want to, he is wicked."

So anyways, I kinda interpreted it this way.
 ‎"if we knew, we could abolish evil, and we really wanna do it, why is there so much scumbags out there? If we want to, but cannot, we're miserable. If we can, but does not want to, we're idiots."

Excuse the daftness.

Feeling refreshed right now. Actually had a chat with my mom and my dad separately. Got some things out from my chest. Things being things that I've made peace with and actually not think about them until our conversations happened to converge on those past issues and I just go with the why not idea and went operation casual talk with them heh.

Also feeling a little different right now. I haven't felt like this in a while. I think it was triggered by my conversation with my dad. Feels good. I think I just had an epiphany. Or it could be just a passing delusion. 

... What if one day, you realized that you were doing the same things over and over not out of your initial purpose anymore, but purely out of maintenance, and that the minute you realized it and snapped out of that entrancing dilemma, gateways of new possibilities suddenly become open to you?

Ok, not sure if you understand. I'm not sure if I understand too. But that's basically it.
Mind feeling rather frantic and free right now. It's been a while since I've typed without needing to look at the keyboard and caring about every end of the sentence. I'm not even sure if I've been doing the rivers right all this time. So.. whuddaheck y'know haha.

Yeah.. I guess that's enough mumbo jumbo at the moment.
Thanks for reading.


Wednesday, May 30, 2012


...this is all it takes to make a person happy for the rest of the day.
Intended my thousandth post to be something special. 
Completely didn't see this coming though.
A fine surprise indeed.

Too bad the post-it didn't really stick.


Monday, May 28, 2012

Neil Gaiman

His video if you haven't watched already.
Good stuff for artist and non-artist alike.

Good day.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Long-Delayed Post

Hi, so I said I was gonna do a post about stock
image searching, and maybe a tad bit about my
experience in my brother's company. So here it is.
Without further adue, let get this thing rolling.

Whether you are a freelance artist or a graphic
designer, or an illustrator, for as long as you're
in the art or advertising industry, it might be useful
for you to know this early on.

Maybe your lecturers or seniors have shared with you on
how to make a good and effective search, but I really doubt
it'd ever be enough, seeing how I can fail 8 miserable times at
it when the job is supposed to be so relatively simple.

Or maybe it's just me being spastic.

Before I go on, here are a list of some good stock image
galleries that you might be able to make use of. 

Maybe you can find better ones as you go, but this
are the ones I've been using when I was in the office.

Anyways, there are times when looking for images
without a watermark is necessary to speed up the
process of your team work. (meaning to say you can
use them almost immediately without the need for photo
retouching of some sort. Photo retouching by you or
your colleagues consume extra time)

For this kinda stock images, Inmagine, Getty and Jupiter
are quite alright. Inmagine allows you to take bigger
pictures, Getty a little smaller but still useable. Jupiter is
just about the same as Getty. I'll let you figure the other
unmentioned ones on your own.

Oh right, you need to know what these photos are used for
right? Well, if you've noticed, when you choose to download
the pictures, it usually reads as something like "download 
comping image" comping meaning to compose a composition.
And since I said usually, it's not definite. So if it doesn't say that,
it can be just "download" or anything.

Anyways, familiar with the word storyboard? Well, not all storyboards
are handrawn like the ones in the films. If you're in the Multimedia biz,
you'd find that a .png image of how an interface for a phone would look
like after it's done is also called a storyboard.

Blur huh? Lemme show you an example.
image from here

Yes, that's a storyboard. Whatever is shown here means
that when the app is market ready, it should look 100%

But that doesn't mean the one below can't be a storyboard.

image from here

Which one'd be more effective is up to how you're gonna be
pitching the idea to your client. If you have to draw out
something on the spot, choice #2 seems like an immediate
option. Well, unless however you are actually able whip up
something like #1 in a synch when you have a laptop around,
I don't see why not.

this is a storyboard for a commercial/tv/film/anything that
requires you to shoot. Got this from here

Ok, so now you know how a storyboard is done. So...
why the need for stock images?

I believe a lot of people know what reference means,
and well, to do something good, you'd usually need good
references right?

So these good references can come in the form of good
backgrounds, good compositions, good props, good
expressions, good faces, good body language, anything
you can think of.

Now, lets say I get a brief to create a composition of a
family of 3, Caucasian, child around 1-5 years of age
shopping. To create this composition, maybe

something like this fits the look.
image from here.

But then you suddenly face a problem, the expression is not
entirely correct, nor is your pose, and you'd rather have them
carrying the bag with the hand over the shoulder or something.
So you've gotta look for the faces, the hand pose of the bag
over the shoulder and... yeah.

It sounds simple enough. Really simple. The problem is always,
without avail, time. So how does time affect this anyways? Like
all jobs, everything has a deadline. In my case, I was supposed
to do the job in under 4 hours. I had to look for approximately
700 photos of good plausible poses. (100 pieces for each category,
and there were 7)

I did the job in 8 hours, and I barely got more than 100+ photos,
for all 7 categories combined. That was the first problem. The
second part involves using proper keywords and knowing what
to look for, which also contributed to the lengthy 8 hours result
no doubt. Like for instance, the search query you've entered for
man holding shopping bag just doesn't come out right. What else
would you put in? You can look for things that could relate to your
pose, something like holding a gym bag instead, or whatever. Be
creative! Sounds harder than it sounds though honestly speaking.
Well, for me that is.

Also, as an alternative, if you find that the current stock image bank
you're using doesn't quite get the right look for specific queries in your
stock image search results, try different banks instead. You'd usually
need to sign up to remove excess watermarks. (and like inmagine, the
watermark goes off completely)

If that too doesn't work, consider using non-stock image bank search
engines like Google (poor results, but you might get lucky) or Bing
(gets better and better with more specific queries). Maybe you can
try Yahoo and the rest too. But if it still doesn't work.. well. Man.
I'm really at the end of my wits here. Unless if you have time to
actually screenshot movies or something like that to get specific
poses/background/facial expressions, by all means, do so.

Anyways, I've calculated, and maybe in 4 hours (240 minutes)
with 700 pictures to look for, I would approximately need 20
seconds to do it. 20 seconds does include however, saving the
said image and putting it into the right folders if necessary. So if
you're not tidy with your file sourcing, you might just waste a lot
of precious time.

I was told that the efficient use of time or best recommended time
for sourcing out images would actually be around 30 seconds each.
So at most, it'd take about 6 hours?

Most of my searches were done in about 30seconds...
to 5 minutes. So there goes the calculation. Why even
bother calculating in the first place when you're bound to
bust? *facepalm*

The keyword searches weren't helping at all, and maybe I should
have just asked someone, good lord'o me. And when I searched
wrong queries, results never seemed to be good too, and when that
happens, I know I've at least wasted 30 seconds finding nothing.
That's just for one inaccurate on ineffective search query mind you.

This problem progressed throughout the day until I finally got
a chance to talk it out with the boss. Maybe I should've just
asked someone to help me. But what's the point of being helped
if I myself can't do it properly? So I decided to figure it out myself.
It took me over 8 hours to do the search, and I still wasn't done.

Well, it'd make sense to receive some bullets, since I really did a
poor job, not to mention unfinished.

And the moment I decided to figure it out and waste 8 hours of my
company time, that was the biggest mistake. A team effort means you
can't pass judgements on your own without any prior consultation with
anyone, everything has to be a collective, informed effort.

So that's my real first mistake.

And another funny part is that when it finally came down to asking
people, I find that noone but the boss himself could give me the right
specific guidance I need since they don't have a clue as how to help
me, mainly because they don't know what the boss wants and I myself
can't quite put it into words. Or maybe I just didn't ask the right questions.

Then I was given opportunity after opportunity, correction after correction.
I tried, and tried, and tried again, day after day after day.

Worktime is only 8am - 5pm. I stayed back everyday just to make
sure I don't screw up the following day. Sometimes till 9-10pm.
Brought my work back too, just in case I could improve my skills/
make myself work faster/find better more quality images.

I'd sleep around 2am, wake up at 6.30am and leave home around
7.10am, just to make sure I arrive early and I could get extra work
done. I normally arrive around 7.45-50am.

This routine kept going on for 3 weeks. I had some other assignments
in between that had higher priority compared to the stock image
searching, so in total, around 13 days, I did what I did. But I guess
it's still not enough.

At my 8th failure, it has gotten me to the point of thinking where I've
felt guilt creep in all over me for being such a poor performer in a
prestigious and efficient company. And the fact that I was failing the boss,
who is also my brother just added more misery to my delirium.

It might have been unprofessional of me, but after having complete
the work, finally after staying back till 11pm on that 8th time- no
after the 8th time, I decided that I should leave to not cause anymore
lag or trouble to the team synergy with my terrible performance. I talked
to my brother 3 hours before about it, around 8pm, and he understood my
intent. He gave me a final offer to teach me the right way, but I guess I was
in the mindset that I just wasn't cut out for this at all. So I declined and expressed
my intent to leave. I regret that somewhat now. I could've just asked him to
show me how to do it anyways, and at least I won't still be figuring it out now.

He shared something important too. And it goes as such,
"Why would you waste 8 hours figuring something out when you have a deadline of 4 hours and still not figure it out completely and still unfinished when you could've just understood everything and do it right and on time by asking someone the right questions and let him guide you for 5 minutes?

Time is everything in service and the longer you drag, the more the whole team would fall behind because of you."

Idiot me. The job even came with a simple brief. And it was really, REALLY
simple. It's really not like me to just give up on things, and here I am, staring
at this very screen, deeply disappointed with myself for actually giving up.
I gave up the job, but not the skill. So.. I'll still figure it out somehow. When
I do, maybe I'll share another post, hopefully more informative than this.

It's official. Mjolnir hit me. I donno how, but I have a concussion. I'd
appreciate any other suggestions to find stock images accurately and
faster too. But until then, I shall remain humbly silent.

Thanks for reading.

Friday, May 25, 2012

You Won't Know

You won't know unless you try.

It isn't about giving up at your first shot, nor does it
have to do with giving in to circumstances, but it is
about putting up the best possible fight you can
to to bring out the best of yourself, no matter what
the case may be.

Destiny or a foretold future are a bunch of crap. They are
reality to only those who let Fate's wheel to continue spinning,
forever remaining idle even when they know full well that
they can change things if only they put up an effort to make
things different.

Nothing is ever set in stone. Nothing.
Nothing is, can or will be predetermined if you don't choose it to be so.

Whether you are gifted or accursed with disabilities, that's
besides the point. There's always a choice of being pitied for
eternity, or being acknowledged with respect from the world
around you. How you wish to continue your living days however,
is only something you can decide for yourself.

So give yourself a chance. Give things a chance. Give the world
a chance. You really won't know something for sure until you
really just try it out.


Thursday, May 24, 2012

Just Because

Just because your aren't a quitter doesn't mean you should continue
doing something you loathe for the entirety of your life.

You can fail a million times in order to succeed. If you don't fancy
what you do, achievement will still be yours in succession. Just that
it doesn't come wrapped together with fulfilment.

If you want fulfilment, then you can't stop to find that perfect activity for you.
Quit as many things as you need, but don't quit the search for that fulfilment.
You are only human, and you can only be proficient with only so much.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Temporary Retardation

How does one fail at a simple task?

A simple task such as searching up images
for a particular topic under a certain time frame?

I donno. But I failed.
  Not once. Not twice.
    8 times.
      8 fucking times.

There and then, I began to wonder if I was actually
really struck by an invisible Mjolnir by Thor and really
became momentarily half-retarded. Maybe still is.

The feeling of self-disappointment multiplied with guilt
was overwhelming. I was given so many chances, and
I was still giving crap. That's just plain unforgivable.

To myself. To the boss.

And just imagine if you were in the boss' shoes. You
also already pointed out the right ways of doing it, several
times with very specific instructions and somehow, that employee
of yours still fucks up real bad. Heck, he even left a job brief there.
How does one fuck up with a job brief with specific instructions?

Ok, that sounds gruesome already. Now, lets add in the fact
that the boss is also family. I donno, if anything, if I were him, 
my God I'll be raining stones to the entire Peninsular by now.

Although my employer might think otherwise. But I
think 8 chances at something so simple should've
been more than enough dontcha think?

And therefore, numb with failure, I ended my employment
at the office last Monday. I was thankful for the experience
nonetheless. But. Just. Fucking. Disappointed. With. Myself.

I shall make another post about the image searching some
other time. I'm gonna need some time to digest how
terrible I am as both a worker and a person and figure
out a way to knock the concussion left by invisible
Mjolnir out of my puny head.

This is somewhat a self-bash post.
But came out kinda factual.
Maybe that's how it's supposed to be.


Wednesday, May 09, 2012

Feeling retarded

Like Thor just smitten me with his mighty Mjolnir and I
didn't even realize that he left me with some cranial damage
and severe brain concussions.

Probably bleeding in there nao. But I wouldn't know about
that now would I? Either way, my heart is till beating, so
that must mean something. I hope.

Such a spastic day. Sometimes, I wish I was lame only to
have the stupid pointlessly dumb right to say so. Pfft.

Will talk in a more coherent manner in next post. Or so.
Assuming Mjolnir really didn't hit me in the head.


Thursday, May 03, 2012

No So Distant Targets

...and Priorities!

Well, I guess work's most important right now so.
Ok, for the work part, I'm gonna
  1. keep practicing until I can crop pictures
    like a boss within 15 minutes. 
  2. not get scolded for tiny bits of stuff anymore.
    Need to use exp boost and level up faster.
  3. not be that guy who just "helps around" anymore.
    I wanna do work on something important, just like
    everyone else in his team later.
  4. Be on my way home when the clock hits 5pm.
And in order to do all that, I'm just gonna have to work
harder. College is full of shit really. When you're there,
you just do things with not even the slightest hint of urgency.
In a company, a task you're given to do in college worth 3
weeks needs to be done in 3 hours. 

True story bro. And the faster you can finish it, all
the better of course.

Maybe it's because when you're working, you just begin to
get things done out of necessity. Because you know when
you don't, bad things happen. You don't have to know what
terrible things may come. Your mind won't let you. And that's
why you're always working so hard not to screw up.

I also like the fact that my brother believes in the notion of
"coming in on time and leaving in time." It's good practice.
I mean, if anyone says staying back late is a bad habit, it's
my bro haha.

Because people tend to burn out sooner or later when work is
the only driving force. When you're in ashes, even the winds will
carry you away right?


So never burn out. Burn bright, but don't burn out. He survived the
gruelling experience of working non-stop for the sick years after all.
So It'd be a pretty good idea to follow his advice.

But what do I know right? I don't even know how it feels like to burnout P:

Ok, so anyway... Other priorities?
  1. Well, there's the driving license. hopefully done soon,
    assuming I don't have to re-sit anything.
  2. Magic's gonna be brought down a notch. I already played
    4 prereleases for Avacyrn Restored and got a portion of
    my money back, so I'm pretty satisfied with the game at
    the moment. Currently not yearning for any new cards. Might
    as well focus on paying for delicious Indian cakes saving up
    while I can.
  3. artsy self-projects.... can come a little later. Maybe during the
    weekends or something haha. Right now I just wanna focus on
    being able to work faster and more effectively.
  4. exercise... only if I can manage. Probably only weekends now.
    Unless if I could somehow manage to be back home before 6pm
    or something. Hmmm...
Yes. Looking forward to get more practice done during the 
weekends ohohoh.


Wednesday, May 02, 2012


I remember saying this from a certain post.

"If any of you were wondering why that widget up 
down there is still there (I assume you read my 
previous posts before) it's just to remind me that 
we're still together. At least not physically. I donno 
how she's gonna be dealing with her mom and 
everything. Sure as hell gonna be tough. So I don't 
intend to fall back either. For as long as that thing's 
there, that's proof that only one girl resides in the 
deepest depths of my heart. She's working hard, 
and I'll work even harder, just to make her mom 
see that not all guyz are stuck up losers. Just because 
she had a bad husband doesn't give her the right to 
think that way and pass on all the stress to her own 
children. It's traumatic for them. 

To right this wrong, i'll succeed."

Fuck. I think I did forget. 
eh wait, I did score 3 A's in my previous sem.

Sorry, just very occupied with things to do lately.
Just started my first day at my brother's office last
Monday and well, being a graduate from Illustration
shifting in web and graphic-designing, well, I guess
you might already have a gist of what I'm doing on
the first day. *does basic stuff*

Anyhow, I can understand how people can lose sight
of long-term visions now. When there's just so much to 
do and so few things you can focus on, your future just 
doesn't seem to matter that much anymore. All you wanna 
do clear up whatever falls onto your plate first.

And I'll be doing just that. So for everyone who's been
trying to contact me or anything, I'm sorry for not replying.
strictly no replies from 8am-5pm, weekdays. Drop me a 
message and I'll get back to you after.

I've also learn this pretty nifty thing called Microsoft Outlook.
God, such a wonder I should've known and gotten used to
since forever before.

Anyhow, I'm gonna layout some short-term plans soon unlike
what I did previously over here, which is pretty messy and
unorganized, I know. I'll concise them better next time.

I have to be more organized anyways. Literally. Since... I'll be
doing layers and passing my stuff to other people and all. Yeah.
It's work brah.