A while back, a friend of mine decided it'd be a good idea to
publicly inform a certain group of students from my college to
stop openly dissing people, particularly the lecturers he knows,
respects and is affiliated with.
These are his exact queer words:
Guys, I know things are stressful for you students and some
of you might not like the way some things are run in the college,
but can I ask you guys, nicely, to not attack or insult your lecturers/tutors,
what's worse, on facebook?
Say whatever you want behind our backs but can you not publicly
humiliate the people who are educating you? How would you like
it if we started posting up drawings of students we don't like, eh?
Yeah, you know who I'm talking about now, don't you?
I know it's the age of righteous stand-up-to-the-Man acts (Bersih,
anti-Lynas, take your pick) but there's a difference between proving
a point, and coming off as just plain whiny.
If you see it as an act of retribution or just plain 'eye for an eye',
remember this: An eye for an eye means the whole world goes blind.
After thinking through for a bit, I replied with this:
Anyways, bro, I understand where you're coming from, but you shouldn't
take it too seriously. There's a reason why majority of lecturers prefer not
to FB with students. You have to know that the mentality of students nowadays
are of different temperament, and sometimes, they are just quick to insult back.
Sometimes they give those vents proper real names (like your case), and
sometimes they create new titles for them so they can toss around insults
about a particular person to save themselves from getting found out.
Either way, what you should do now, as a tutor/staff of TOA, is to filter out
the crap they give, and see the available critics both you and them don't realize.
A lot of artist tend to forget that their character themselves is an artwork and
can be judged accordingly.
So if you see a point in what they tell say, take it in, improve, and prove them
wrong. You gain something and they don't. For that, you should thank them for
their honesty. But if all they're just giving you are empty blind shots, then just
dodge all of them and pretend they don't exist.
People vent bro. Their all young. So let it slide. They don't know this yet, but
some day, their gonna repost what you did here today when they finally get
your point. It takes time. You can't change perception with a flick of a switch.
Perceptions and ideas come in the form of slow hunches. You need to go
through a certain set of paradigm shifts before you can finally see the
underlying meanings behind an idea.
So let it grow. Let them grow. Forgive and forget. We're all mature people,
so lets be the bigger people and take two steps back until they finally see
Because if I was put into your shoes, I'd probably just put up the words,
"Thanks for sharing you feedback. We'll take them into heart and improve
however we can. Keep them coming."
And who knows, maybe they might just open up to y'all. *shrugs*
*My original text never had any of the links. So.. yeah, now you'd get the picture in the very least.
Now that I look at it, I only really disagree on one thing about his
approach. It was when he said:
How would you like it if we started posting up drawings of students
we don't like, eh? Yeah, you know who I'm talking about now, don't you?
I can understand why he'd think that way. He's just trying to give the students
an idea of what to relate to and how their actions can affect others.
But what he might have missed is that, if he really did that, he'd just cause
a cycle of endless vendetta and more people's lives will get wrecked in
the process for no good reason, aside from the fact that he's hinting to
allow his personal emotions get in the way of his professional practice,
which is... not a good thing.
This is one of the main reasons why I don't really adore the idea of
advocating the how'd you feel if I did the same to you thing scenario.
I mean, it's always the most easily relatable context for people, but
when people take it the wrong way, it's just as easy as looking at it
as a threat, and when something as simple as this gets misunderstood,
a whole new level of shitbomb develops, and believe me when I say you
really don't want to see it explode.
Nope, it's not gonna be like a scene from Expendables. Maybe something
more like Final Destination going from 1 -5 and you don't get to die at all in
the process, but you'll live through the entire experience. Sounds like such
an adventure doesn't it?
So.. yes, I always try to avoid using such examples. Mainly because I don't
want to implant such ideas of havoc into people's minds, parasites that suck
up all the joy in their lives and replacing that void with anger, malice and discord.
I'd prefer peaceful resolutions that can make life easier for everyone.
It's a little utilitarian, and definitely takes a bit more effort to achieve
compared to the shitbomb idea earlier. I mean, if it conveys the message
clearer with less chance of it being misunderstood, all the better right?
Anyways, this is what I would have really said if I was him there and then
with a mind as clear as this today :
Hi people. I know you're all frustrated with your studies and everything.
And sometimes you just need to take it out on stuff and vent. But I need
to remind you that places like FB isn't such a safe place to do so, especially
when it involves people. I'm not sure if you know about cases like a dad
shooting his daughter's laptop happening before. But yes, shits get out of
control sometimes. Why would you want to give a chance for things like
that to happen to you? Wouldn't it be the better, smarter choice to just
take the alternate route and save yourselves all the trouble of going through
what you could have always easily avoided?
Either way, FB is a place where literally everyone is connected, and people
you are friends with might be friends with people you don't want to be friends
with. Then, when you happen to be venting about those particular people and
the mutual in-between nice guys decided to just drop a lending ear for
them, then tell them afterwards, well, just be prepared to brace yourself
for a shitstorm coming your way.
Sure, you may defend yourself calling it venting. But the way other's see it,
you're probably just asking for a lawsuit for defamatory content. I guess
probably after that, you might actually get the gist of what I'm trying to tell you.
But of course, if your intention was to be heard and for it to somehow land
on the person you're dissing about anyways, and you don't especially mind
dealing with a lawsuit, then sure, go ahead.
You see, I'm under the impression that you're all adults now, and that you're
responsible for your own actions. So if you're publicly posting stuff like that up,
it must mean that you're absolutely fine with people coming after you for defamatory
lawsuits and the like. No really, if you have no issue with that, by all means,
just do it more often. If that really is the kinda lifestyle you want to live, I can
respect that. Who the fuck should tell you how to live your life right?
If not, well, private blogs and diaries exist for a reason y'know. If you're not
in for something that you can't share with your friends, then why not just share
with them directly? You can do it via pm or forums, or msn and the like. There's
so many ways. Sometimes even a fake FB account would do.
It's probably too late if you just realized it now, but still, it's better than repeating
the same mistake twice don'tcha think?
Why choose the one that puts you into the most obvious redzone? I mean,
I too have my own frustrations and the like, and I vent too. But I do so in ways
that people can't trace me back with. Or in the very least, I don't deliberately go
doing it at places where I know for sure a shitstorm's heading my way right after.
Anyways, this is just some food for thought. Just do whatever you want for as
long as you're clear with it lol. And make sure you don't drag your family or friends
along with your shitstorm. They've got their own lives to live. If you created a
shitstorm, you solve it yourself and don't expect anyone else to do it for you.
So make sure you think twice before you post the next time. I might not be personally
attached to my emotions when it comes to work, but I can't necessarily say the
same for the many others who're also marking your papers. So if you're found out,
well, I reckon you'd know what to do next.
Of course, if they did that, it'd prove that what you said would be partially
accurate. But do you really wanna risk all that tuition for some spur of an
emotion you just simple can't control well enough?
Anyways, good luck have a nice day.
Sounds pretty different doesn't it? And you still get your message across.
You want them to stop being douches and stop doing the things that
don't benefit them. You wanna warn them about the things they would
want to avoid, not encouraging or suggesting ways for them to get creative
with any form of payback scheme.
You want them to know the repercussions of what their actions will do to
them, not a threat that suggests that their lifestyle is in greater jeopardy just
because someone found out. Going fire with fire is ol'skool, but really, is that
the only way one can think of approaching the said subject?
Well, anyways, I guess I'm just me in the end and this is how I'd do it if I
were put into his shoes.
An eye for an eye makes the world go blind right?
ok maybe not. The way I see it, both parties actually just need to get a better pair
of glasses for themselves. And everything will be just fine...
Ok, thanks for reading. - OC