Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Awkwardly Awkward


  1. Causing difficulty; hard to do or deal with: "one of the most awkward jobs is painting a ceiling"; "some awkward questions".
  2. Deliberately unreasonable or uncooperative: "you're being damned awkward!".
clumsy - ungainly - unhandy - maladroit - gawky - gauche

So, awkwardness is the result of someone being deliberately unreasonable or uncooperative eh?

Thanks dictionary.com.

I find it awkward that I don't find myself awkward during awkward situations with people.

It's okay if you don't follow. I'm having trouble checking if the comprehension is correct for that line myself.

But jokes aside, is it really so weird to not feel awkward about things? Well, if awkardness is so mainstream, then I apologize for being such an indie.

Come to think of it, uncooperative kinda means that an awkward situation takes more than 1 party correct?
So... then what is your guideline for what makes an uncooperative or unreasonable subject/situation?

I donno.. well, let me just list a few stuff people commonly find awkward:

  1. Pauses in between conversations
  2. Seeing someone you donwanna see somewhere.
  3. Not getting proper feedback when a response is supposed to be in order.
  4. Repeating the same thing numerous of times because either party can't hear or digest properly.
  5. Getting raped then going out with the rapist.
Anyhow, I'm sure there's a longer list somewhere for someone else. So lets leave it at that for now and get back to the core problem.

So... Why does awkwardness even exist?

I donno, to me perhaps it is the manifestation of one's perception towards how things should run or go and when it doesn't (check uncooperative or unreasonable above), a situation turns awkward. I don't think a situation can really go bad until it really turns sour. In the event that it actually escalates into that, well, hallelujah hello awkward.

Like something as simple as bumping into your ex who's with someone else when you're having your birthday dinner at Pizza Hut somewhere, then you pick a fight with him, made a scene in the restaurant and had to pay for damages. Oh, imagine the awkwardness! (to your wallet and body that is...)

Either way, I can understand when someone says that he is put into an awkward position. Like if you're a child, and your parents are filing for divorce, you'll be in an awkward position. A situation that's difficult to deal with. 

An awkward position. A difficult situation.

But I don't get it when social mannerisms get jumbled up in the entire perception of what ought to be to form this B.S. called social awkwardness. It's probably just me, but I really don't find it so easy to be in any awkward situations whenever I'm out with people. Well, not like I'm out with a lot of people lately anyways.

Maybe I just don't expect anything's all. Zero expectations frees the mind up for open possibilities correct?

You remember the list above from 1-5? Yeah. I'm completely ok with sitting next to someone and not saying a word to one another, just enjoying the good meal laid out before us. I'm always game for a staring contest if need be too. I'm also cool with meeting somebody I donwanna meet somewhere, in the event where it has already happened anyways. What else can you do? Coincidences happen. So just deal with it and move on already.

And I believe there really is no such thing as a proper feedback, so I don't buy that idea. I mean, look at me, I'm writing this post up just because a mini event containing the word "awkward" triggered my head to respond this way. This was supposed to be my proper feedback. But I'm doing this only now because I didn't have the words or the right mind to answer the question during that particular moment. People's minds change at every passing moment. Who's to say what the response is to a certain question if the timing were to be a tad bit more different? 

How I wish I had the answer I had now back then. A stupid question, but I'm sure I'm not the only person who's asked myself the same thing before. We all have different ways of deciphering the meaning of things anyways. Some take longer, some can do it instantly, some make mistakes, then do alterations, then have corrections, and then.. there's me, who does it all. 

...No wonder I took so long right?

So anyway, people, if you wanna feel awkward, suit yourself. I'm just saying right here, right now, that you can always choose to not feel awkward. If any of you ever felt awkward with me, well, I apologize in advance, because I really don't share your social dilemma. If you're being with me, I'm probably the last person you'd actually be even dreaming about feeling awkward with. But you probably shouldn't dream about smoking a cigarette in front of me. If you do, I'll probably just ask you to stop and if you don't, I'll push two of my fingers down your nostrils and choke you to death with my free hand just walk away until you're done, or just walk away for good.

I'm just a regular guy. It's not like my parents are mob tycoons or I'm friends with Donald Trump. I'm just a regular person from PJ who envies his own little brother's life, is currently unaccomplished and is trying to figure out his own way, being one of the students who graduated an art school without a proper portfolio nor stellar grades.

Life isn't a bitch. And a bitch is just a female dog. It doesn't go aggressive unless her puppies are tormented by sick lifeforms or her territory is being invaded by a certain line of decrepit alien species.

So the next time someone tells me that someone's acting like a bitch, my only reaction would be, "So what triggered it?" I don't think anyone would go all out defensive and provocative unless a certain line is breached. Normal humans aren't programmed that way anyways. Figure it out and resolve it, and the bitch would turn human again. If you can't, let it be. What do you have to do with the other person anyways? You can't help it if someone doesn't like you without any reason at all right? Let it go. It does nothing good to force anything good out of having anything to do with one another.

So life really isn't a bitch. I get the line. But to me, the idea of life being so hard is all about teaching you how to survive, adapt. Or better yet, evolve. Well, that's how I think anyways.

Well, now that you know my brief personal background, I really think you shouldn't have a reason to be awkward around me at all. It's not like I'm proud of it, or I have earned bragging rights to be a loser. But that's just the way things are right now. Do I have to be ashamed of just being regular plain'ol me? 


Awkward huh? Not really. It's all in your head silly. 

Seriously, try not being so full of expectations with people for once. Maybe you might understand where I'm coming from. After that, whether or not you wanna be like the way you were before or the way you are after, that's completely up to you.

But go be awkward with someone else. Just not me.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Embracing Ugly Me

"Love and appreciate who you are before you begin to do the same to someone other than yourself."  

Because there are always gonna be people who are gonna show you myriads of ways to despise yourself and before you can find someone who doesn't take you for granted, you'd have already ended up destroying yourself in the process. Don't let yourself miss out on the once in a lifetime opportunity of experiencing what it's like to be having someone in your life who truly loves and appreciates who and what you are. So why not start by attempting to find it by being as true to yourself as you can be to others, then filter out the douchebags who dislike you for whatever they deem as fallibilities, and hook on to those who accept you as you are?

Maybe then, you'd find true friendship. Because if two people are truly friends, either doesn't have to ask permission from the other to be whoever they want to be. Lets just say for an example, if one was gay, and he wanted to come clean about it, what does getting his friend's approval mean anyways? If you're really friends, he'd totally tell you that it's not a big deal and it shouldn't be a cause for any concern to the friendship at all. If he actually raises a fuss about it, that's a good sign to start staying away and keeping your distance. You're worth more than that. Find someone who appreciates you for who you really are.

People should be loving you, for who you are; not for who you are going to be or can be for people. I mean, what's the point of putting on a good show of your best behaviour when in the end, that best of you isn't you, but its that everyday you that's truly you?

The person who sleeps in late till noon, leaves the bed undone, snores like a pig, drools like one too, is cranky during the first few moments of consciousness, is nocturnal, and doesn't feel the need to dress well all the time. Sooner or later, your facade of whatever best you can put up will fade away as your true self takes over. When that happens, that's when you'll know if you really have any friends who appreciate who you are.

Don't stop being yourself, and don't ever allow yourself to be taken for granted ever again. And of course, the most important of all would be to never allow yourself to be living a lie.

In this world, there'll always be the person who chases after something, and the one who waits patiently for it. I'm done doing the chasing for the past 4 years. So I'm going to set myself free from the shackles of wistful thinking and begin clinging onto real hope, chances and opportunities I've once turned down due to my false mistaken ideals and beliefs.

I'm a free man today, and will always continue to be henceforth *fingers crossed*. Ugly or not, this is me, and it's high time I start loving myself properly. Because if I don't then who will? In the very least, I've gotta take good care of myself until my patient waiting pays off aye?

No. Even when it pays off, I shouldn't stop taking good care of myself. Because really, how can you be certain someone loves you when you don't even love who you are? That... well, I'm sure we all have ways to sort them out on our own.

Till then, thanks for reading. And my work is extended till the 31st of march due to some miscommunications with my boss. So.. yeap, there's that. Have fun, enjoy.

edited version

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Home Remedies to Remove Blackheads and Whiteheads

Yeap. That's what you saw. The original link is from here.

The FB share link is here I guess.

The sebaceous glands, our skin’s self-moisturizing mechanism, secrete oils called sebum, which are stored in the follicle. When the follicle is full, the oil is spilled off to the skin to keep the skin healthy and moisturized. But sometimes, the oil is trapped inside the hair follicle instead of flowing onto the skin. When this happens, bacteria develop in the follicle which causes pimples.  Sometimes, though, instead of being infected, the follicle just gets all clogged up and forms comedones – those we call blackheads and whiteheads.
 What is the difference between a blackhead and a whitehead?
A closer look at blackheads and whiteheads. (photo from http://skincarebydonna.wordpress.com/2012/12/02/how-to-treat-blackheads/h/)
A blackhead is a comedone formed when the opening of the follicle becomes wider than normal. Because the follicle opening is wider, the sebum and the trapped dead skin cells there react chemically with the air, resulting in the oxidation of melanin,  which makes it black in color. A whitehead is a comedone formed from a hair follicle that is not open to the air. It is also clogged with sebum and trapped dead skin cells, but the lack of exposure to the air does not lead to the oxidation of melanin, so the clogged matter stays white.
How do we get rid of blackheads and whiteheads?
Maintaining a clear and beautiful skin, takes time, consistency and effort.  Dermatologist may recommend lots of products, but some of them can be expensive and may actually take a long time to work. You can, however, incorporate some home remedies for blackheads and whiteheads into your daily beauty regimen and in a few weeks, you will experience a drastic reduction or even total elimination of the problem.
Toothpaste – Toothpaste is an effective blackhead and whitehead remover. Apply a thin paste to your infected areas and let it sit on your face for at least 25 minutes. You will probably feel a burning sensation when you apply the toothpaste, but this is normal and will pass. Once you remove the toothpaste, the top of your blackheads and whiteheads will disappear, but you still need to thoroughly wash your face to remove the buildup underneath. Repeat this home remedy every other day for two weeks. [edit](now... here's a good way to see if your toothpaste great in your mouth or not. If it actually does a good job on your face then, it should probably do the same to your mouth shouldn't it? Fufufu... Oh wait, did I forget to mention how cheap toothpaste is?) [/edit]
Tomato – Tomatoes have natural antiseptic properties that dry up whiteheads and blackheads. Peel and mash a small tomato. Apply the tomato pulp to your blackheads and whiteheads before going to bed. Leave the tomato pulp on your face while you sleep and then wash your face in warm water in the morning.
Lemon -Wash your face in warm water. Then, squeeze the juice of one lemon into a bowl. Add in a pinch of salt and stir the mixture. Apply the mixture to your blackheads and whiteheads. Leave the mixture on for approximately 20 minutes and then wash your face with warm water again.
Lime – You can also use equal parts of lime juice and cinnamon powder and apply this mixture to blackheads. Leave it on overnight and rinse it off in the morning
Cornstarch – Mix about a three-to-one cornstarch to vinegar ratio into a paste. Apply it to your problem areas and let sit for 15 to 30 minutes. Remove the paste with warm water and a washcloth.
Yogurt  - Mix three tablespoons of plain yogurt with two tablespoons of oatmeal. Add one teaspoon of olive oil and one tablespoon of lemon juice to the mixture. Stir the mixture thoroughly and apply it to the effective area of the face. Let the mixture sit for five to seven minutes then rinse off with cold water.

Almond or oatmeal – Mix either oatmeal or almond powder with just enough rose water to make a spreadable paste. Apply it to your problem areas with your fingertips first and then apply it to the rest of your face. Let it set for about 15 minutes and then rinse your face with cold water.
Rice – Soak rice in milk for 5 hours and then grind this in a blender until it is paste-like in consistency. Use the paste as a scrub on affected areas of the body.
Potatoes – Grate raw potatoes and then rub the area with the mixture. Wash it off after 15 minutes.
Fenugreek leaves – Crush some fenugreek leaves and mix with water to form a paste. Put this on the face for 15 minutes and then remove it. Do this every night to keep your face free of blackheads.
Coriander leaves –  Mix some coriander leaves and a little turmeric powder with water and form a paste. Use this as a mask to eliminate blackheads.
Oatmeal -Grind oatmeal into a powder in a blender and then add some rose water. Use this on affected areas for 15 minutes and then wash it off with cold water.
Baking soda – Prepare a mixture of equal parts of baking soda and water and rub it onto your face or other body areas prone to blackheads. Leave it on for 15 minutes and then rinse it off with warm water.
Honey is also good for removing blackheads. Spread honey on the affected area and remove it after 15 minutes.
Remember – Be gentle to your skin. Never pinch, scrape, poke, press, or squeeze too hard!


Seriously, besides toothpaste, everything else is just a buncha yabadaba to me. They seem to require so much work to prepare, but toothpaste is just there, ready from the tube for only less than RM5 a tube, that'd last like forever for your skin issues. I highly doubt you'd be needing more than a tube within 6 months, so it's pretty cost-effective. That is if your skin can handle it though.
Oh, and a minor update. I'm leaving my job after this coming Friday the 15th. And I'm probably gonna be taking a break from anything related to online social media after that. Especially Facebook. If y'all need to reach me, well, my contact's always on my FB profile. Or.. I donno, I guess if you wanna reach me, you'll find a way somehow lol. Just need a break from all this internet nonsense. Who knows, maybe something good might come of it?
Aight, happy toothpasting your own face.

Tuesday, March 05, 2013

Never Leave A Patient Unattended For Checkups

Now I understand why is it so important for a patient to not go for checkups alone.

Things happen sometimes. And believe me though, things happen.

Sometimes, the patient may just fall and undo all the recovery that has been achieved thus far, only to know that another surgical operation is needed.

And other times, maybe the patient might meet up with an idiot of a doctor, who also so happens to be the surgeon who made the surgery happen, who did a "thorough" check up and created the same implication the aforementioned fall would.

My mom was the patient. And this happened at University Hospital.

She already had a wristplate implanted within her arm to hold her bones together for optimum recuperation and sturdy support for the bones. The smartass had to make her move her arm needlessly, and forced her armed into extreme bending positions. I wasn't there to oversee, 'cause if I did, I'd have stopped it.

Because you know what happened after?

My mom complained that she could feel the wristplate jutting out towards another zone in her arm and it feels utterly uncomfortable, in addition to the burning sensation she was having.

When she got Even before she got checked by the Chinese physician, her arm was fully inflamed, swollen and appeared crooked.

How did that happen you ask?

Ask that dumbass surgeon.

For fucks sake, you don't want people to bend your leg after you've just finished healing from a broken limb do you? Take maybe bending your back after a spinal operation. Or someone asking you to bite into an apple right after your mandible surgery, just to see how your pain threshold is.

Requests like those are preposterous and you have every right to not allow that to happen to you or your loved ones. And this is basically the shit I don't agree with modern medicine. They always have no clue about finding what's exactly wrong about you, and they have to screen you through all the fucked up pain tests to find out what's "possibly" wrong with you. It's not even free and it takes up a lot of time.

This is the part where I wish more oriental medicine practitioners aren't lying scumbags. There are good ones out there, and there are the phonies, which run rampant in Malaysia. They have the power and knowledge to trace back to the roots of your problems and treat the source of them, where modern doctors can't and just focus on relieving symptoms, which is basically the scope of their job.

If you ask me where my belief lies about modern medicine, basically I just can't allow myself to trust doctors anymore. And the only way for me to avoid them in my entire lifetime is to keep myself healthy and well.

Anyways, I tried inquiring about my rights in regards to what can be done about that doctor's irresponsible actions, but it seems that I can never get to him about this. Whatever it is, how can he even forget to give her an x-ray after what he did to her arm? What the fuck man.

So to speak, he's just untouchable. All I can do now is to make sure I'm always there for my mom and that no matter what, I must never ever let her see that idiot surgeon again.

And to think that he showed the procedure to all his medical students, made my mom writhe in pain, allowed them to make her a laughing stock, and deemed it to be correct practice in modern medicine is just asking for me to just put a fist through his teeth.

But I can't do anything right? If I file a report, there's no proof that the idiot doctor did it (because we don't have that x-ray after that checkup), therefore making him invincible to law. If I go there to talk to him about it, he's got the power to deny, deny, and deny. If I picked a fight with him, I'd be the only person in trouble, and he'd have the means to put me behind bars.

Till now, I'm asking myself what'd have transpire if my father just followed my mom to do it after already sending her to the hospital. Or if she told me, I could in the very least accompany her and this wouldn't happen. Everyone is to blame for the damage to her arm now.

Anyways, since you're already reading this, just don't make the same mistake of negligence I do in the future. Always be cautious and don't think that work is more important that family. Family is everything, and will always be number 1. If it isn't, I donno man, your priorities has gotta be pretty screwed up, and I can only offer you my pity.

Because one has to be living a very sad life to not know what it means to put family before anything else.

Hope my mom's recovery still goes as planned. Her medical leave is ending in less than a week.

And to you aspiring doctors out there. PLEASE DON'T BE SO FUCKING CARELESS.

Good day, thanks for reading, and wish my mom all the best.