Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Awkwardly Awkward


awk·ward  

/ˈôkwərd/
Adjective
  1. Causing difficulty; hard to do or deal with: "one of the most awkward jobs is painting a ceiling"; "some awkward questions".
  2. Deliberately unreasonable or uncooperative: "you're being damned awkward!".
Synonyms
clumsy - ungainly - unhandy - maladroit - gawky - gauche

So, awkwardness is the result of someone being deliberately unreasonable or uncooperative eh?

Thanks dictionary.com.

I find it awkward that I don't find myself awkward during awkward situations with people.

It's okay if you don't follow. I'm having trouble checking if the comprehension is correct for that line myself.

But jokes aside, is it really so weird to not feel awkward about things? Well, if awkardness is so mainstream, then I apologize for being such an indie.

Come to think of it, uncooperative kinda means that an awkward situation takes more than 1 party correct?
So... then what is your guideline for what makes an uncooperative or unreasonable subject/situation?

I donno.. well, let me just list a few stuff people commonly find awkward:

  1. Pauses in between conversations
  2. Seeing someone you donwanna see somewhere.
  3. Not getting proper feedback when a response is supposed to be in order.
  4. Repeating the same thing numerous of times because either party can't hear or digest properly.
  5. Getting raped then going out with the rapist.
Anyhow, I'm sure there's a longer list somewhere for someone else. So lets leave it at that for now and get back to the core problem.

So... Why does awkwardness even exist?

I donno, to me perhaps it is the manifestation of one's perception towards how things should run or go and when it doesn't (check uncooperative or unreasonable above), a situation turns awkward. I don't think a situation can really go bad until it really turns sour. In the event that it actually escalates into that, well, hallelujah hello awkward.

Like something as simple as bumping into your ex who's with someone else when you're having your birthday dinner at Pizza Hut somewhere, then you pick a fight with him, made a scene in the restaurant and had to pay for damages. Oh, imagine the awkwardness! (to your wallet and body that is...)

Either way, I can understand when someone says that he is put into an awkward position. Like if you're a child, and your parents are filing for divorce, you'll be in an awkward position. A situation that's difficult to deal with. 

An awkward position. A difficult situation.

But I don't get it when social mannerisms get jumbled up in the entire perception of what ought to be to form this B.S. called social awkwardness. It's probably just me, but I really don't find it so easy to be in any awkward situations whenever I'm out with people. Well, not like I'm out with a lot of people lately anyways.

Maybe I just don't expect anything's all. Zero expectations frees the mind up for open possibilities correct?

You remember the list above from 1-5? Yeah. I'm completely ok with sitting next to someone and not saying a word to one another, just enjoying the good meal laid out before us. I'm always game for a staring contest if need be too. I'm also cool with meeting somebody I donwanna meet somewhere, in the event where it has already happened anyways. What else can you do? Coincidences happen. So just deal with it and move on already.

And I believe there really is no such thing as a proper feedback, so I don't buy that idea. I mean, look at me, I'm writing this post up just because a mini event containing the word "awkward" triggered my head to respond this way. This was supposed to be my proper feedback. But I'm doing this only now because I didn't have the words or the right mind to answer the question during that particular moment. People's minds change at every passing moment. Who's to say what the response is to a certain question if the timing were to be a tad bit more different? 

How I wish I had the answer I had now back then. A stupid question, but I'm sure I'm not the only person who's asked myself the same thing before. We all have different ways of deciphering the meaning of things anyways. Some take longer, some can do it instantly, some make mistakes, then do alterations, then have corrections, and then.. there's me, who does it all. 

...No wonder I took so long right?

So anyway, people, if you wanna feel awkward, suit yourself. I'm just saying right here, right now, that you can always choose to not feel awkward. If any of you ever felt awkward with me, well, I apologize in advance, because I really don't share your social dilemma. If you're being with me, I'm probably the last person you'd actually be even dreaming about feeling awkward with. But you probably shouldn't dream about smoking a cigarette in front of me. If you do, I'll probably just ask you to stop and if you don't, I'll push two of my fingers down your nostrils and choke you to death with my free hand just walk away until you're done, or just walk away for good.

I'm just a regular guy. It's not like my parents are mob tycoons or I'm friends with Donald Trump. I'm just a regular person from PJ who envies his own little brother's life, is currently unaccomplished and is trying to figure out his own way, being one of the students who graduated an art school without a proper portfolio nor stellar grades.

Life isn't a bitch. And a bitch is just a female dog. It doesn't go aggressive unless her puppies are tormented by sick lifeforms or her territory is being invaded by a certain line of decrepit alien species.

So the next time someone tells me that someone's acting like a bitch, my only reaction would be, "So what triggered it?" I don't think anyone would go all out defensive and provocative unless a certain line is breached. Normal humans aren't programmed that way anyways. Figure it out and resolve it, and the bitch would turn human again. If you can't, let it be. What do you have to do with the other person anyways? You can't help it if someone doesn't like you without any reason at all right? Let it go. It does nothing good to force anything good out of having anything to do with one another.

So life really isn't a bitch. I get the line. But to me, the idea of life being so hard is all about teaching you how to survive, adapt. Or better yet, evolve. Well, that's how I think anyways.

Well, now that you know my brief personal background, I really think you shouldn't have a reason to be awkward around me at all. It's not like I'm proud of it, or I have earned bragging rights to be a loser. But that's just the way things are right now. Do I have to be ashamed of just being regular plain'ol me? 

Nope.

Awkward huh? Not really. It's all in your head silly. 

Seriously, try not being so full of expectations with people for once. Maybe you might understand where I'm coming from. After that, whether or not you wanna be like the way you were before or the way you are after, that's completely up to you.

But go be awkward with someone else. Just not me.

2 comments:

Joey said...

hhahaha nice background

O C said...

what to do, felt tired with the previous one. Change lo.