Sunday, April 21, 2013

Major Douchebag


I'm sharing my experience with a douchebag from LYN whose name I won't disclose.
But for convenience sake, I shall dub him as Major Douchebag.

I hope you all readers out there can, in the very least, not be like him.

I refrained to say this until I've received the item. Now that it's in good hands, time to go into burst mode.

Dealing with Major Douchebag, frankly speaking, was a big pain in the ass. I don't know how he's dealt with his other transactions before, but my transaction is an apocalyptic disaster.

He mentioned that he was a genuine seller with experience, that he sold handphones and stuff. I really needed the laptop, so I took a risk and trusted him. Now, I'm pretty curious about how he dealt with all his  other customers. Not that I'd ever know anyways.

Because from what I've experienced with him, he's got no sense of customer respect in terms of business ethics. I can tell he's a nice guy from the way he spoke to me through the phone and our share of offline messages in LYN. But he's got shit bearings for customer priorities.

The conditions were simple. I make my payment in full, and he'd just get the item to me. Done deal.

Little did I know that he suddenly told me he was in his exam week, and he could only settle things with me around 16th to 18th April. I paid my money on the 24th of March. I recall it so vividly because the 23rd of March was when my ex and I said our farewells and embraced a path without one another in our lives.

When I called him up, it took him 3 days to answer. That too was only after the 20th or so phonecall. He said he preferred text messaging. Fine. But the day I called, I was so furious that I wanted to choke him down through the phone. But I calmed myself down and asked him, "so how can we do this?"

Who'd have thought I was in for the shock of my life. The laptop wasn't even with him. He was in Segamat. And the laptop was with his mom all the way in the suburban areas of Johor Bahru where the only post-office is 30 minutes drive away from the house. Segamat was 2 hours drive away from Johor Bahru.

Great.

Then I called him for further solutions to the problem. I called up POS Malaysia and they said they could do doorstep delivery. Done, Pos Malaysia saved the day. The only catch was that the person who needs the parcel collected must make the call. Third parties like me can't do it.

...SECOND SHOCK! His mom is completely computer illiterate and doesn't know a thing about handling computers. His dad, his siblings, everyone was out of home. Won't be back for at least a month! I say that because I wanted his mom to help him help me get my laptop. Seems like that option is not very plausible after what I've heard.

So, no choice. I waited 3 weeks. I told him I needed to laptop immediately, but if that was the best he could do, then I can't do anything. My money's being held hostage with him, and so is my merchandise. It won't do me any good to tick him off.

Then the time came, 16th April. What an amazing coincidence too that he lost his cellphone and asked me to wait till 18th April. Do I have a choice? Pfft.

So D-Day was gonna happen. I'm finally gonna hear that my com will be shipped and it'd be arriving the next 2-3 days! And then Major Douchebag finally superceded his own title. He said he couldn't find me a courier to ship the 4.5kg laptop. Makes me wonder how he vouched me that it was ok for laptops to be shipped as he had an Alienware laptop shipped to him almost recently too. Funny he couldn't recall the name of that courier service.

That was it, that was my last straw. I was prepared to take a bus down to meet up with him at Johor. Then he told me he couldn't be in JB after this week. Great lord fuck the world. Yes, this week. He just left this Saturday, 20th April. The transaction happened, and it's in good hands, just not my hands. I'll get to that shortly.

FUCK. Again cannot? WHAT THE FUCK???

He texted me before a few days before, "you got any relatives in JB bro?"

At first, I told him no. Bothering that one person I know in JB is the last thing I wanted to do. But after that final conversation, I felt like I was left with no other options. Taking a taxi down from Larkin is gonna bomb my pocket twice, to and fro. As if the bus fares wasn't making a good enough entrance to the entire holiday package. Bus fare to JB is already RM35, 5 hours journey. Go back, already RM70. Take taxi down to Segamat, another RM60-80 easily. A courier would only cost no less than RM50. I checked with POSLAJU. But he couldn't do it because he couldn't think of a good container and didn't have any means of packaging the laptop safely. It was way too risky for him to ship the laptop he says.

Motherfucker, all you needed was a sturdy cardboad box, lots of foam padding and you're done. It costs no more than RM20. I'd rather pay that anytime + shipping fees than waste 2 days and RM200-300 to go down to JB just to get the laptop from him.

Anyway, after that, he asked me how much I wanted my laptop. Then he offered that he could bring the laptop to KL, but I'd have to pay him RM100 for transportation and I'd have to wait till 5th of May.

God, how much I wish I could just elbow him. At first I thought to myself, I've already waited this long, what's a few more days right? A few days isn't a big deal. 3 FUCKING WEEKS IS.

In desperation I picked up my phone reluctantly, and dialled that number. My ex's number. To my surprise, she picked up immediately despite the late call. I told her my problem, and she agreed to help me, no strings attached. I was relieved, but alas the relaxing thought was overridden with a hurt pride, a betrayed ego, and a sad memory. I had no other choice. I was fortunate enough to know she was coming back to KL the following week, and that already saved me RM300 and another 2 weeks worth of tormenting wait.

So I told him about it. My friend could take the laptop from him. They were gonna meet tomorrow. Everything was going fine. Until the next morning, Major Douchebag has proven himself worthy of his title yet again, and told me he had to go for an emergency business trip to tend to his father's company.

GOOD MOTHER OF-

Then he sent me a text saying he'd deal with my friend firm, 1pm, at JB, on Saturday, 20th April or he'd call of the deal and give me full refund. And the event transpired smoothly.

... with a few other tiny hiccups.

Before D-Day, I told him to prepare a case or a bag, 3-layered plastic bags if need be, to hold the laptop in the very least as my friend is a girl, and letting her carry that 4.5kg 17" laptop bare just screamed bad idea all over.

Whaddya know, he didn't. And my ex had to bring back the laptop, THAT 4.5kg laptop, IN HER HANDBAG. He even had the nerve to message me about this, thinking it was goodwill, and told me of his sincere sympathies for the issue. No wait, he said he pitied her.

Motherfucker.

The deal was that I get a laptop bag, which was great since 17" doesn't fit in most conventional school/backpacks, and he'd throw in a Microsoft Office 2010 original, which I didn't need, for free.

I didn't get both.

Apparently, his laptop bag is lost somewhere in his house in KL. And he's gonna COD it to me at KL somewhere after 5th of May. Great. The Microsoft Office, he pulled it out of the offer last minute after he remember that he paid RM1200 for it when in the beginning, IN HIS POST, it was written, clearly that the Office was worth RM500, and it'd be given free as a package.

But whatever, I really didn't need it. What bothers me is how he continuously fails to cultivate any sense of trust and goodwill with me during the entire period of the transaction. More like he sucked at it and never gave a shit about it.

Genuine good seller with experience my ass. Chances are I'll never see that backpack he's offered me as well. With his stellar track record, I think it's best not to expect anything at all.

First things first, how could he even make me wait this long? You're supposed to get your items immediately upon payment. That's what Cash On Delivery fucking stands for. Not pay 3.2k, get item 2 months later. If it was stated in his post, at least I'd know what I'm getting myself into. But he didn't! Major Douchebag was a master of deception and falsity. But mostly stupidity and negligence. He kept me in the dark until after I made full payment.

WHAT THE FUCK MAN?

But I guess I'm also partial to blame because I hastily banked in the money to him without calling him up first. I only called him after I banked him. He never picked up and only answered in texts.

That was probably the biggest mistake of the entire transaction.

Secondly, he had the brains to put his personal life before the business and expect me to understand his worldly troubles. Sorry for being cruel, but I never pressured him about any of my problems, and I never told him that I got my ex to get my laptop for me. How could he continuously insinuate my bad side over and over without fail? Seriously, it's as if he was designed to make my life a living nightmare with this transaction.

Thirdly, how can you sell an item if the item isn't even with you? It wasn't even stated in his post that he's in Segamat, and that his laptop is in JB. It's as if he's merchandising a product without putting in the appropriate labels on the packaging. He's deliberately keeping people in the dark, and this isn't fair.

Fourthly, how can you offer something as a package and withdraw the offer later? I understand that the item is yours and you have full rights over your item until you give up ownership of it, but didn't anyone educate you about business ethics? We're not supposed to give people false hopes. We don't promise what we can't give. We're not BN for fuck's sake.

Oh... I guess I know his political views now.

Anyways, lastly, probably the most annoying part of my entire transaction with him was continuously hearing the words I pity you from him and he did nothing about it. To all your Major Douchebags out there, customers don't need your pity. We want solutions. And in this case, I've been the one providing all the fucking solutions while he pinned them all down one by one with all his deliriously unreasonable circumstances when he was supposed to be the one making my life easier.

But no, he ended my transaction in the second most horrid way imaginable.

It's only the worst way imaginable if the transaction ended up as a con, in which it wasn't. So that's a major relief. It's just that he's a douchebag beyond salvation. Fuck, I wasn't even supposed to give a damn about his situation. I've been nothing but considerate, tolerable and nice to him.

All because he held my item and money hostage of course. *sigh*

Nobody likes a Major Douchebag. Would you like it if your boss pays you your paycheck 3 months late with stupid excuses, and when the time came, he delayed it yet again? You'll scream in agitation right? Of course! You need that money to live! Pay bills!

AND I needed that LAPTOP FOR MY FUCKING JOBS.

For goodness sake people, if you're going to prioritize your personal life over your customers next time, please don't bother selling the item at all. What's worst was how you could even sell an item, ready to go, AND CLAIM TO NOT HAVE IT WITH YOU after someone paid you in full?

Please, for fuck's sake, have the goddamn decency to slip a note in your sales post with the entire particulars of your issue so when someone's paying for your item, they know full-well what they are getting themselves into. It's your job to let your customers know how to deal with your entire package. Missing out details like this is very irresponsible.

Of course, I can't blame him since he had no time to edit. He really was busy with his exams. I think.

But regardless, he not only failed to solve my problems, but disappointed me again and again. How am I supposed to trust any future proceedings with him this way? Damn straight I can't. How is anyone else supposed to trust you when it comes to business if you've proven yourself as a sloppy douchebag who has no concern for customer satisfaction and good service? Business, is all about trust. If you suck at building a good and healthy trustworthy relationship with your customers, then don't sell. If you're still gonna sell, in the very least emulate a corporate company and think about good service for a change.

Yes, I'm definitely paying for the merchandise. And yes, I understand that it's the norm that people who pay for the merchandise also cover the shipping in COD business. But I don't pay to get into trouble. And he put me into a lot of shit for all his circumstantial mishaps.

I didn't expect him to be like Dell computers, but the very least he could do is to emulate their customer service professionalism. Even just a tiny bit. Business is supposed to be no bullshit, zero hassle and always trustworthy.

Major Douchebag not only bullshitted with me, but gave me tonnes of hassles and proved himself completely untrustworthy.

Ugh, I'm never cashing in without calling first. Wait... I did inquire the details. Vigorously for the first two weeks before I made the payment. Fucker, so it wasn't my fault at all!



For all it's worth, Major Douchebag could be a filial son, a great student and a great person. But whatever it is, he just messed up with this transaction big time man, and I simply can't let this slide.

So dear salespeople, it's your job to get items to your customers safely with as little hassle possible. Don't ever be like Major Douchebag. Because you don't know who's life you're messing with every single time you make a stupid mistake. Be cautious, and always provide the best service you can give.


Seriously. Don't make us understand your troubles. Help us customers trust you.

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