Thursday, September 12, 2013

Stopping The Madness.

I like Wikipedia's definition of hope.

Hope is the state which promotes the desire of positive outcomes related to events and circumstances in one's life or in the world at large. Despair is often regarded as the opposite of hope.[1] Hope is the "feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best" or the act of "look[ing] forward to something with desire and reasonable confidence" or "feel[ing] that something desired may happen".[2] Other definitions are "to cherish a desire with anticipation"; "to desire with expectation of obtainment"; or "to expect with confidence".[3] In the English language the word can be used as either a noun or a verb, although hope as a concept has a similar meaning in either use.[4]

You see, in all the examples you've read above, everything kinda connects to a single core idea. They all bring you to this one single thing, when broken/shattered/destroyed.

No, it isn't despair.

Despair I believe, is just the absence of hope. And honestly speaking, I actually don't see it being relatively so negative since the absence of hope can never grant disappointment.

Hope does that when smashed to smithereens. It hurts like mad, and it drives one insane.

Some people say living in despair is a sad thing. As a realist though, I can't really say that I agree with that notion. Life is all about variables, and calculating the possibilities of things happening. I'm no math wiz, and I don't predict the outcome of things, but I do believe in the element of chance. You can't get anything for certain, but if there's a chance at something, you just work hard preparing for it, then see what happens.

There's no such thing as a guarantee in life. But you can't let that stop you from taking risks.

You see, we all live in a community where the law of attraction always exists between people of the opposite sexes. And everytime we approach someone, we begin to unconsciously fill ourselves with anticipation, expectations and things we just don't even give a glance about that would ultimately feed us with glass shards in the mouth when it all ends horridly.

I've lived through such experiences, and I've chosen to not let anyone feel the same way I did. At least even if I found out that I did, I'd stop the situation from dragging on.

Sometimes, you don't choose people, and people choose you for various reasons you can't even begin to imagine. You can't stop people from hoping things from you if they are doing it silently. But you can however, offer clarity by declaring to them there and then that nothing can ever happen between the both of you, should you manage to pick up some odd signs that display hints of it somewhat.

Maybe some casanovas out there might beg to differ. But the idea of people fooling around with people's emotions just makes me sick to the core. I'd rather friendzone myself, get kicked in the balls, slapped or spited at; whatever they need to do to deal with what I did to them there and then, than to make someone live in prolonged misery.

So I offer them complete despair from me.

I say offer because in the end, it's their choice if they want to end it. One can only do so much.

After that, should hope still rise from the depths of their thoughts, it's no longer a part of my conscience. I've done what I'm supposed to do to release them from their suffering and anxiety, and should they choose to continue pursuing the path of pain again, despite me proposing an end to it, it's just none of my concern anymore.

Fuck them.

I've been that miserable person who was stupid enough to suffocate himself needlessly in a living death even when the other person has ended it for me.

It's been long enough and it's about time to end the stupor.

Realizing the stupidity and futility of the situation, I responded how I should have a long time ago.

An irreversible decision.

But that's actually the best part about it. That's the final seal with hot metal. I can't go back to it again even if I wanted to, unless if I took all the trouble to gather that much explosives just to unseal something which I know will serve nothing good to me than to add more to the bane of my existence.

I will know that it isn't worth the trouble, and I won't bother about it anymore. And that will inevitably grant me freedom from it.

This isn't a question of right and wrong. It's just a matter of principle.

And I'm glad the madness has ended.


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