Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Arguments

ar·gu·ment
ˈärgyəmənt/
noun
  1. 1.
    an exchange of diverging or opposite views, typically a heated or angry one.
    "I've had an argument with my father"
  2. 2.
    a reason or set of reasons given with the aim of persuading others that an action or idea is right or wrong.
    "there is a strong argument for submitting a formal appeal"
    synonyms:reasoningjustificationexplanation, rationalization; More


Most of the time, it's #1. But lets just say I've had enough of #1, so lets talk about
#2 instead.

I really really get very irritated when people refer to the word argue when someone
is merely expressing their opinions in a very sensible way. And what do they get
from that? They get tossed into this bubble reality that arguments are always heated,
and they only happen to people who feel offended by something.

Whatever happened to healthy arguments? Like debates.

de·bate
diˈbāt/
noun
  1. 1.
    a formal discussion on a particular topic in a public meeting or legislative assembly, in which opposing arguments are put forward.
    synonyms:discussiondiscourseparleydialogueMore
verb
  1. 1.
    argue about (a subject), esp. in a formal manner.
    "the board debated his proposal"
    synonyms:discuss, talk over/through, talk about, thrash out, hash out, argue,disputeMore

The definition above literally calls to a formal part of debates. But there are also
non-formal debates, and that's what I'd consider a healthy argument. Ideas are
pointed out like a mini-forum of sorts, like a regular discussion and people will
just express their views about a particular topic with thoughts bouncing back
and forth.

An exchange of opinion. Nothing else.

Listen people, when you point out an argument, and you're arguing with someone,
that doesn't mean you're saying things to someone to attack someone about anything
or expect things to get all hot and tense to the point of conflicts.

Arguing basically just means an exchange in opinions.

Like for instance with:
I argued with a friend about the benefits of carpooling, and to my amaze, he agreed 
and decided to jump into the car pool gang after I pointed out my facts!

as opposed to:
I had a fight with my girlfriend about seeing this other guy I didn't know about. I
don't particularly mind her seeing anyone for that matter, but the fact that she just
tried to be all defensive about it should mean something. I even just mentioned the
topic as is but she took it the wrong way. What happened from a casual question 
turned into a freak relationship nightmare. Ugh, what's the point of caring in a
relationship if we aren't even supposed to care?

I simply can't wrap around why can't the majority of people just move away from the
stigma that arguments are always bad. Maybe it's just an Asian thing. We're all kinda
taught from young to always avoid conflict whenever possible, so when things like
arguments surface, a lot of people tend to get the wrong idea.

Are arguments really something to be afraid of?

Heck, even my English exams back in secondary school and college had questions
that specifically said:
Please argue your points about the above statement.

Please, for Pete's sake, stop treating argument like it's a bad child and start acknowledging
it for what it really is; the exchange of opinion.

You argue about something when there's a difference in opinion. Why must so many
people visualize a verbal coliseum whenever the word argue is involved? It's really
not like that. I really just don't get why people can't see that. Maybe they just haven't
had a proper civilized argument before? I donno man.

Let's try an example everyone can relate to:
My parents wanted to send me to medical school, but I didn't want to do medicine
because I wanted to do something else aside from medicine. Maybe hospitality?
I pointed out that I always struggled with my studies, and I already kept my end
of the bargain by putting up a stellar certificate for my school-leaver's cert, and I've
endured enough intensive book-reading for 5 years. Isn't it about time I fight for 
what I wanted this time?

So I told them that although science is very fascinating and I was actively involved 
with First Aid and Medic activities in uniform bodies, my interests truly lied in people. 
I like being around people, making them happy, serving others, doing things others 
can't or don't feel humbled enough doing.

They claim how that is any different from helping people through medicine. So then
I asked them if medicine was the only way to help people. Because medicine is there
to help something that cannot be prevented. I want to be part of that something that 
comes before medicine; the people aspect of the community. The bridge between
all things bad before they could ever lead someone into distress at all and fall ill.

That can happen if I can give others happiness and a peace of mind. And I strongly
believed that it doesn't lie with the end methods like curing someone, but begins
with something like a normal day-to-day conversation and how we make others
feel through how we treat them. After all, the words "prevention is better than cure"
are there for a very good reason.

My parents were so perplexed by my conviction towards the topic that they fell
silent and asked me to leave the room for them to discuss. And the following
morning, they embarrassingly told me how sorry they were for trying to force
me into something I didn't want to do and asked me to let them know when I
made up my mind on what college or university to go to when I've decided.

Looks like I didn't waste my time arguing with them for 2 whole hours after all!
Ah, I'm so glad my parents were understanding about it. It sure was worth all
the hardwork I put up for them in secondary school haha. But it'd have definitely
sucked if it spiraled all out into a full-fledged conflict.

See, that's an example of a healthy argument.

So what exactly is an argument? To put it simply, let's just say it's like two different families
exchanging custody of their children for one day. And at the end of the day, they get
to decide whether they want to do it again or stop altogether.

The key word there is decide. Arguments usually have an end-goal, and that's usually
to bring about change into someone's mindset. It's never an easy thing to do.

But there's this separate part for this entire gist of things called commenting and giving
remarks.

com·ment
ˈkämˌent/
noun
  1. 1.
    a verbal or written remark expressing an opinion or reaction.
    "you asked for comments on the new proposals"
    synonyms:remarkobservationstatementutteranceMore


verb
  1. 1.
    express (an opinion or reaction).
    "the review commented that the book was agreeably written"
    synonyms:remark on, speak about, talk about, discussmention More


re·mark
riˈmärk/
verb
  1. 1.
    say something as a comment; mention.
    "“Tom's looking peaked,” she remarked"
  2. 2.
    regard with attention; notice.
    "he remarked the man's inflamed eyelids"
    synonyms:notenoticeobserve, take note of, perceivediscern More
noun
  1. 1.
    a written or spoken comment.
    "I decided to ignore his rude remarks"

When someone gives you a comment or remark, they are just informing you what
they think about something they feel you should know. They do not however, expect
you to completely agree or take them in blindly without first letting it go through your
own personal filter. In the end, it's your decision to agree, disagree or remain indifferent
about it.

Or maybe I'm wrong and only I do that. *shrugs*

Because when I make comments or remarks about people, they come from honesty
and the need to address something so that someone is made aware of something.
It could be a compliment, or I might just be telling that person the zipper's open
somewhere or something, or their lipsticks are smudged or they look like they just
went through a storm.

In the end, whether they want to believe what I told them or not is another
thing entirely. Because that doesn't matter. What matters was that I already
pointed it out, and that's all there is to it.

But I must admit that I always attract unwanted attention for just trying to
make people aware of certain things. Maybe it'd be best if I just kept my
trap shut tight.

And since I'm on the topic of arguments, I might as well cover this thing about
my relationship status too.

For all you busybodies who think that relationships are beautiful and that I deserve
to be in one and be as happy as you are, I thank you for you kind thoughts, but
I don't think being in a relationship is the epitome of what makes me a happy person.

If anything, I AM in a relationship. Just not with anyone else. But I'm in a relationship
with myself. How is that even a relationship? I donno, I guess there's no restriction to
how you can love yourself. It's not like I'm being caught up with narcissism. Learning
to appreciate oneself is very different from being a narcissist in my opinion.

And why can't I do that instead of depending on one random girl who happens to like
me and wants to stay by my side forever? Even if that happens, there's still the issue
about how we're gonna adapt to one another, deal with our differences, etc.

Right. And I'm not even a girl. If I was, at least I could find a Prince Charming 
somewhere and marry into wealth or something should all else fail, then he could
take care of me and I'd remain in the zone of happily ever after.

Also, if I recall correctly, there's this certain occupation called a private nurse.
So hey, maybe I don't need someone who likes me to take care of me after all.
I just need to be able to afford that service don't I?

Well, so much for a retirement plan. If I needed to hire a private nurse to take care
of myself, I might as well just end my life and donate my wealth to charity or
someone needy.

And if anything, really, it's not your problem whether I've let go of my ex or not.
That bodes the same with whether or not I'm ready to meet someone else or not.

You can be ready to meet someone, and still not let go.
You can also let go, and still not be ready for someone.
I'm neither, and I don't care what you think lol.

To tie the two of them like they are both perfect reagents to one another
really baffles me. I can't even comprehend the significance of it.
Here's my attempt of an algebraic expression to the theory above:
a + b is not equal to c
c + b is not equal to a
a + c is not equal to b

If a is ready, b is meet someone, and c is let go and no other factors
are involved, tell me which is true or false lolz.

Here here, let me translate the gibberish:
Ready to meet someone doesn't mean you've let go (a+b=/c)
Letting go and meeting someone doesn't mean you're ready (c+b=/a)
Ready to let go doesn't mean you're meeting someone (a+c=/b)

Therefore I can mathematically deduce that
1.You don't have to let go to be ready to meet someone.
2. You don't have to be ready to let go and meet someone.
3. You don't have to meet someone when you're ready to let go.

They are all just different unique instances to one another.

Anyways, bottomline is that people oughtta stop thinking that arguments are all bad.
Because arguments aren't bad. It's the people who're involved in the arguments that
make arguments look bad. There are definitely good and healthy arguments out there.
You just need to really experience it for you to know it yourself.

Today, I'm grateful that:
1. I remembered to run an errand my dad left me.
2. I lost something that I thought was important and went into a rage fit, but after I
cooled off and found an alternative solution to the problem, all is well again.
3. I didn't slam the door too hard when I was throwing a tantrum.
4. I'm wearing my favourite shirt!

20-11-2013 I'm Grateful 041

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