Monday, November 25, 2013

Leaving Because You Care

I'm sure you've seen such instances in dramas and soap operas
across many different language settings, but hey, lets just not put
this out of the entire equation of possibilities. What can I say,
sometimes things just happen. With my mom breaking her arm
to the house getting robbed and my dad getting mugged in a taxi,
everything seems pretty much possible to me now.

Besides, if you can't completely prove or disprove it, then the
only way is to be skeptical about it right?

There may be times when you just begin to realize that things aren't
working in your relationship, even when the two of you are so madly
in love with each other.

I've once asked myself a question before:
"How can two people love each other so much but can't stay together?"

Well, now that I've had the chance to think it through more thoroughly
objectively, I guess you could say that there are many variables as to
how things could lead into such a frustrating end.

And it definitely isn't because the lack of the substance we call love.
You can love someone to death and be happy with that person
indefinitely until you come to a vantage point where your perspective
is suddenly challenged by this superseding authority of consciousness
telling you that you're not good enough for that person.

Because it dawned on you that you were akin to an iron ball shackle
to that person, and for as long as you're with that person, that person
can never grow into his or her full potential.

Boy, talk about clipping the wings of winged-beings.

And as heart-aching as it may be sometimes, some of us might feel
that it'd be best to let go. Some of us are a little more selfish, and we
probably would disregard the notion for as long as we feel fulfilled
with what we have. But if we were always stuck in this selfless form
of mutual self-sacrificing relationship that is born from a mutual sense
of great respect between partners, things could turn from magical to
disastrous in a split second.

Lets take this for example:

What if you're both happily married together for 5 years, and one of
you just begin to wander off to the what if's, perhaps's, and maybe's.

At first, it seemed like just a passing thought. But after the idea hatched
in your head, you suddenly become more aware of all the things happening
between the two of you. It's as if the epiphany taught your mind and body
to help locate the signs for how wrong you were for that person, and after
a while, you just can't quite seem to keep it in any longer without showing
any signs of hyper-anxiety.

Maybe before you met, your partner was a star athlete, a valedictorian, a
fearless fighter for the equality of human rights or maybe a registered volunteer
with NGO body's who's had direct experience helping out in 3rd world countries
to name a few.

You already knew this background of your partner when you started to get to
know each other, and you're pretty sure that if he or she pushed a little harder,
the sky's definitely the limit.

So to speak, with or without you in your partner's lives, him or her was already
sort of destined for this version of greatness that you yourself could never dream
of grazing. And it hit you that you were the cause for his or her hold back from
true self actualization.

But you two still met, clicked, and decided to settle down and just because of the
part where your partner settled for your relationship, he or is she isn't where he or
she is supposed to be at your current timeline.

Things could've been really different for your partner had you not appeared in his
or her life. Despite how the two of you are living in a comfortable and cozy state of
life, you begin to feel like you should do what was best for your partner.

How far would you go for the sake of love?

What are you willing to sacrifice for "what's best?"

True, a relationship is a like a company of individuals. It requires
teamwork, and if you don't work things out like a team or make
group decisions together, it isn't going to work.

That's how couples discuss things together to solve problems together
in the first place. But what if it was something that you couldn't bring up
at all, and if you did, it'd seem downright disrespectful for you partner?

I have to say to heck with being disrespectful. You're already planning to
leave your partner already. What more greater betrayal can him or her have
then a final ultimatum to whatever good you both have had? So just spit it
all out lol.

But hey, if you couldn't get past such an anxiety and end up making one of
the stupidest decisions in your entire love history, then well, I guess things that
are supposed to happen will run it's course.

Because if you really thought that way for someone you love so much, perhaps
you might not be right for that person after all. True, you're not giving up. You
still love your partner. But in his or her eyes, without the truth, he or she won't know
it. And your partner finally grows to hate you, or get involved in self-hurting and myriads
of other dreadful things.

All he or she wanted was to just love you and stay happy. Nobody asked anyone
to ruin that delicate balance of happiness. But hey, if it happened, it happened.

Anyways, not like I did this before. My mind is far too simple for such
level of complexity methinks *shrugs.* Just a passing thought anyways.

But my question is, what would you do if you found out that your partner
left you not because he or she didn't love you, but because he or she wanted
to do what was best for you?

Will you respond by remaining silent, or will you do something about it?

Even more so if you knew that your partner would go all out to get into a
serious relationship with someone else, just to make sure that you're rid of
any signs of remaining hope for the relationship whatsoever?

Haha, sounds so drama doesn't it?

Well, it may seem dramatic to outsiders, but to the persons involved with such
dilemmas, their emotional pain is especially real and dreadful. I can't help but
really sympathize for such people when I chance upon them. No kind words
could console their bleeding hearts, and I definitely don't want to know what
it's like to be in their shoes.

Enduring so much pain just because his or her love for the partner was just
way too strong and perfect to let go, but one side decided to let loose, and the
entire relationship slipped right through their fingers.

*sigh* It sure seems like a huge risk everytime we show our vulnerability to
someone else. We always get hurt in the process too. If only relationships
were a lot easier and we didn't have to be so conscious of the pain we
feel from all the let downs.

But I guess that's what makes finding the one you'll finally settle down with
so worthwhile doesn't it? And just when you think that settling down was the
end of everything bad and a time to embrace new humble beginnings. I guess
there's always a risk somewhere for everything in anything we do everyday.
No such thing as a guarantee eh?

Anyways, today, i'm grateful that:
1. I did some sprinting
2. I read something to interesting that could be added up into my usual training repertoire.
3. Did some catching up with a good friend.
4. Prepared a new casual MTG deck.
5. Had a good trade.
6. Had french fries.
7. Found something as awesome as this.
8. I figured out how to pump my short-valved tyre properly now.

25-11-2013 I'm Grateful 046

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