Wednesday, November 13, 2013

When You Let People Go

Never, ever, say the things you don't mean to say unless you
really mean it. Because sometimes, the words you've said to
someone cannot be retracted, no matter what you do.

Sure, there are people who own unbreakable bonds of friendships
and they can always practice the method of forgive and forget.
But there are also instances where even with such bonds, the f&f
method just won't be able to work it's magic.

Well, lets not make this post about friends, since I'm pretty sure
most things can be sorted out in whatever instances that friendship
is involved. But what if it was a relationship where two individuals
are just starting to get to know one another?

I say starting because if you still don't know that the process of getting
to know each other is an ongoing neverending process, then.. oh well,
at least now you know.

You see, in friendships, tolerating one another and achieving compromise
come a lot easier to most people compared to relationships because,well,
1. you don't have to contemplate on the thought of spending your
entire life next to that person and
2. you're definitely not gonna marry your friend someday.

But in a relationship, everything is taken seriously. Every speckle of
differences between you and the person you're interested in is taken
into heavy consideration, and it'd always weigh on your thoughts until
you sort it out with that person.

*Please bear in mind I'm talking about friends as someone that you aren't dating. 
I'm fully aware that some people are married to their friends and they have great 
love lives. Rest assured, this isn't the case.

There's really no such thing as you don't care or don't mind. If you say
that, usually you're just either trying to avoid confrontation, or you're
just waiting for the right moment to put the topic up for discussion where
you can prove 100% that you were right all along.

But lets face the facts, we always want to make more people like us somehow.
We all want the people we love to be more alike to us, and that's why we
unconsciously try to mold others into what we are. It really takes a lot for
us to agree to disagree and it's never as easy as it sounds to respect others
for what they think towards what you aren't comfortable of them being
comfortable with.

Of course, there are definitely those who are exceptions to the theory. Some
people know how much they don't want others to be like them, and some
of them really just don't give a shit about what people are. They really just
don't care until provoked.

So back to the part about relationships, there will certainly be a point in time
where it isn't just about adjusting to the differences in lifestyle or habits anymore
the relationship presents. That's usually the time when your differences in ideals
or beliefs are challenged by the very person you hold dearest.

Adapting to one's lifestyle and habits are of minuscule significance
when put side by side with ideal and beliefs so to speak.

After all, ideals and beliefs are based on built-up convictions for something
over the course of your entire life. It'd definitely take more than just mere
adaptation to adjust to a new way of thinking.

Let me just cite and example that most people won't be able to settle
calmly with:

I'll never agree with killing, no matter what the circumstances are.
find murder acceptable under certain reasonable circumstances. 

or better yet:

Money and success are two very important things I'm looking forward to in the future.
I don't really care about money and success for as long as I'm happy.

Oh boy, won't that debate spur such a heated discussion.

So, my topic for this post says "When You Let People Go", right?
This is where the title bears significance.

You may have come to a point of disagreement (so you think) where the
issue can never be resolved no matter how much discussion is made.
So you decide that it'd best to sever the ties now than later to avoid
even more unnecessary hurt.

Surely, this line of thinking isn't wrong. I for one agree with that line
of thought. It's always better for both parties to disconnect than to
continue channeling unnecessary pain to each other's life.

But here's the thing about it:
Once you let decide to let someone go, it's like puncturing a basketball
with an icepick. No matter what you do to cover up that hole in the
basketball after that, that hole will never disappear. You can patch it
up, but the hole's still there ain't it?

So when you say things like that, surely you'd consider in the very least
that your reputation will forever be damaged in that person's conscience.

Right?

If you don't take into account such expectations when you commit
into such decisions, and if things don't turn out the way you think it'd
be and you ask for forgiveness, do you simply believe that things could
be resolved just like that? By just sincerely apologizing from the bottom
of your heart?

Of course, if you've got a person who loves you that much, and still willing
to believe you after such a betrayal of trust, you'd best be grateful and vow
to never again behave that way towards that person.

Because there's this thing about relationships where one's actions in the present
will set the tone for how things are in the future. So even if your dearest accepts
you back into his or her life, he or she can never negate the fact anymore that you
still went with the idea of letting him or her go just for mere differences in ideals,
and he or she would know very well that it'd do him or her good to anticipate
again such behaviour in the future.

Because if your dearest doesn't do that, it's akin to going for a bungee jump
knowing fully well you'd fall, without putting on your bungee gear. Sounds
like suicide doesn't it? Well, it is. Suicide with love anyways.

You see, I'm one of those people who believe that suggesting the idea of breaking
up means you're being irresponsible with the trust that is given to you in the relationship.
Why even suggest the topic if you're in love and you're happy with someone anyways?
It doesn't make any sense and insecurity is definitely not an acceptable reason.

For whatever's worth, everyone's insecure as hell, but there are those who choose
to not voice it out because they feel responsible about not appearing like that to
someone else. So if you've got a girlfriend, or boyfriend who never says that to
you, you can definitely count on that person to be with you for a very long time.

Whether or not it's forever or not is definitely up to you to find out.

Of course, you'd also be wondering that if you found someone you can be insecure with
and he or she is perfectly fine with it, that means that person's you super soulmate right?

Well, let me just make it plainly obvious to you.

That person isn't fine with it and will never be fine with it. The first few times you
do that, he or she wouldn't mind that much. Try the tenth or eleventh and you'd be sure
to capture a gesture of annoyance somewhat on the overall appearance of that person.

If you're just begging to break up so bad, then yeah, sure. Go ahead an continue being
insecure. Because the entire purpose of being in a relationship in the first place is to find
good reasons why you shouldn't be feeling insecure. So if you're still feeling insecure with
someone, it's highly likely that person isn't the one you oughtta be spending your entire
life with.

If you think the first betrayal hurts a lot, you probably don't want to know how
the second, the third and every one that comes after feels like. It never gets any
easier. And when you finally become numb to it, that isn't something to rejoice
about. It just means that you've come to a point where you're most comfortable
with detachment as opposed to attachment, and it'd take a lot for you to ever
open up to someone else again, which actually sounds very sad, and it is.

So when you decide to let someone go, please do it with the realization that
you'll never be able to see that person again, and that you'd lose the entire
possibility of staying friends right after.

Doing that and not considering that fact is very irresponsible to the person you're
dating. So before you decide to utter such words to anyone, you might want to
consider cooling your head properly first before doing something you might regret.

After all, how often can you say "I want to break up with you," to someone,
then finding out you were wrong and expect that person to not meet anyone else
during the entire figuring out duration until you find the courage to tell that person
you're sorry and you want to be back together with that person?

Sure, please do consider that possibility. I mean, Korean dramas and whatever
else soap opera available have certainly made those kinda fairy tales seem
plausible enough don't they?

Well, if you're lucky, sure. If you're not, then really, it's just too bad.

Sometimes, things aren't what they appear to be. And if you're wrong about
them, but still blinded by your ego to defend your ideals all the way through,
then perhaps it may have been the right thing to happen for the both of you.

So if you're in such a position, and considering breaking up because you
simply can't stand your dearest anymore for certain things, ask yourself
if it's really worth the risk of losing that person forever.

Everything you do has a risk, and it's inevitable. The only thing you can
choose however, is what you're risking it for.

So with that being said, I hope you'd now risk wisely, and I bid you a good day.

Today, I'm grateful that:
1. I finished P3P - Female.
2. The post above isn't applicable to me anymore.
3. I've finally found the right words to express my thoughts about the above topic.

13-11-2013 I'm Grateful 044

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