Thursday, December 05, 2013

Trust In Relationships

  • before


after
Ok, now for a really interesting conversation that even surprised myself.
Someone asked me how does trust work in a relationship. So this was
my answer:

Trust is one of the best things any 2 people can share amongst themselves.
Really, how can you be stupid for wanting to experience one of the best 
things life has to offer? You're not. You're genius. Because if you can 
experience it even once in your entire lifetime, then consider yourself a
very fortunate person.

Sometimes, when you already know that you're not in a very trustworthy
position, all you really have to do is to painstakingly learn how to understand 
and stop beating around with that immense ego of yours. Because there's no 
simple way around it and it's always gonna get more complicated if you don't 
learn to set yourself free from a superiority complex. Always bear in mind that 
a relationship is not a competition. It's supposed to be a beam balance where both 
sides lean on each other's weight in order to reach equilibrum.

So if you're that kinda person who easily boils at your partner's many negative
aspects, and still can't get over it after dating him or her for the past few months,
then you should really learn the art of chilling the fuck out, calm down, and think 
calmly. Try rationalizing your actions and thought, then really visualize how your 
partner's feeling when you do the things you do (throwing tantrums, scolding, going
conquest) even when you don't know exactly what he or she feels.

Just imagine the worst of things that you don't want yourself to feel when you're
treated the same way and given some time, you'll get to the point where you can
understand your partner better. Because understanding your partner is one of the 
hardest things to do in a relationship, and there's a really good reason why the word
understand is spelled a certain way.

You literally have to be under one's impression, and stand in his or her shoes to 
know what it feels like to be treated a certain way. Once you can do that, it means 
you're both ready for the next level of trust management. It could simply be marriage, 
or more social obligations, etc; meaning to say higher level of responsibilities involved 
where it doesn't involve either side screwing up.

Because you cannot afford screw ups. You may think you can, but when it happens,
your foundation falls and you need to rebuild from scratch again. Maybe you should
try screwing up sometime if you haven't known the feeling yet. Good luck saving the
relationship though after that. The fear of losing someone dearest to you is very very
real. If you don't fear losing someone important to you, then there's something missing
within you that needs tweaking.

You see, the higher level of trust doesn't equate to getting more intimate or anything 
more physical of sorts, although that may become one of those trusts. But it's more 
towards the responsibilities to your partner's well-being. Because the more you lean 
onto someone, the heavier it gets for the both of you and the more painful it is to fall 
when the foundation of trust crumbles. So the more you understand, the more your 
partner expects of you from the relationship. He wants to rely on you if you understand
him and he trusts you like you want to do the same for him. 

And this is exactly how trust works.

All the physical intimacy, your kisses, the sex, the physical aspect of your relationship.
Those are bonuses to your growing trust and are not to be equated into the entirety of
managing trusts. They can still be included however should the couple wish it so. But it
really means well to know that the physicality of the relationship really isn't a need.
It can be, but it isn't by default. It should only be a need by choice and no other way.

We live in an age where mass media is omnipresent and we cannot deny the psychological
impact it has had on us with what we "need" in a relationship. The physical and overtly 
romantic aspect of it are generally projected forms of relationship idealism that is yearned
for and preferred by many but not a necessity in a thriving relationship. With this blanket of
dreaminess covering up the important things that makes a relationship a relationship, I find it
really sad when good relationships involving good people end because they set unrealistic
expectations for each other.

You really don't need all those things to display affection, and that's exactly the thing a lot of 
people out there are missing these days. Some people just really want to enjoy being dependent 
on each other and not concern themselves too much of the more physical side of things. A healthy 
and thriving relationship based on trust.

What matters most is trust, trust, trust. 

But how do you know if you can trust someone?

Well, try a situation where your partner is offered 1 million dollars to dump you into slavery, 
will he or she do it?

No.

That means you trust him or her enough to not do that, and he or she's honouring it by paying 
that trust in due.

Will he or she cheat on another more attractive individual?

No.

That means your partner trusts you to not do the same to him.

There are many other instances that could tell you how it works, but I think this should
suffice for you to see the balance. The flow of give and take is always continuous and 
ever-present. It's endless and it's never supposed to stop until both sides will for it to end.

This simple theory of trust may seem easy, but trust me when I tell you that pulling it off 
is like climbing an invisible Mount Everest of towering emotions. How do you get over 
something you cannot physically challenge? That I think, is the true challenge of love.

So how long more are you going to stay in the "I donno why I'm with him/her" bubble?
Start building up some responsibility by answering that slowly. You'll never know who's
asking and when your relationship is put to the test. So give yourself good reasons to
remind yourself why you're in what you're in. Start asking why

It's not too late to start now. 

Today I'm grateful that:
1. I thought of a different variation for the above work.
2. I helped broaden someone's perspective in relationships
3. I just started another project.

5-12-2013 I'm Grateful 056

No comments: