Saturday, December 07, 2013

Dissolving Kindness

Have you ever had someone say something nice to you before,
but you it never really hit you how much those words meant to
you until a certain amount of time has passed?

Well, I guess today is once such day for me.

Quite a while back, I got into a messy argument with one of
my good friends. And man, we were both so blinded by our
foolishness back then, nothing seemed to make any kinda
good anymore from all the chaos that ensued.

So much for honesty. By all means, honesty's great, but hey,
I guess here comes the greatest lesson for tactness:

Timing and choice of words regardless of intention.

Pretty crafty art that, being tact. Till today, I'm still pretty
bad at it. Still working on it though.

But either way, I admitted defeat and I apologized because...
Lets just face the facts, our ego really gets to the best of
us sometimes. I know I'm not perfect anyways, but still,
for me to lose control like that is actually quite disappointing
to myself.

My guilt conundrum fully backs up the disappointment so
apologizing for my mistakes only felt right to do.

Either way, this was what my friend said:
I'm sorry for what happened Osla. I really don't know what
to say to you. All I know is that you're a really good person.

...

Thanks.

For holding me in such modest regards and believing in those
thoughts when I don't even know if I'm worthy of such kind remarks.

We humans are pretty pathetic sometimes. Most of us normal people
who can't find the strength to be able to perform self-encouragement
and cheer ourselves up in fears of closing into narcissism often get
caught in this loop of being lost in constant disarray.

It's not like we don't want to make ourselves feel better. It's pretty
similar to the feeling of guilt pang that comes right after you boasted
about something you're not even sure you did or are capable of doing
and when you're finally expected to walk your talk, you could only
either run or face the beautiful music.

Anyways, I'm glad to know that I'm no longer such a fool. Maybe I still
am, but I guess my degree of foolishness has decreased, even if it's just
a slight change on the metre.

Oh well, I guess it's good to grow up sometimes. Gonna be 23 next year.
So.. it's about time. Geebers, and my nephew's gonna be 2 already. Man.

Today, I'm grateful that:
1. I finished a big project. Will post the pictures as soon as my client okays it.
2. I'm still not sick even after a few sleepless nights.
3. I finally feel like I have a huge load of my shoulders. Almost felt like the time
when I was talking to my therapist haha.

07-11-2013 I'm Grateful 058

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