Tuesday, December 31, 2013

I'll Always Be Grateful

Doing project grateful has made me a more positive person as a whole.
It's really nice to count your blessings and let the good things distract you
enough from all the not so nice stuff happening all around you.

As a final post of the year, usually I'd like.. I donno, do something special.
But not today I guess. I mean, this past year has brought to me many kinds
of different experiences in life and I'm really thankful that I've been through
them all.

But if I could recount my major moments in life this year, first and foremost
would always be my breakup. It'll always hurt, but one day, I'm pretty sure
it won't be as bad. I apologize if I've been negative over the past year.

It's just.. I guess it annoys me sometimes when people think they know better
about my situation. Sometimes they are right, but more often than not, I'd usually
have to filter out all their crappy misfires of advice and really capture what matters
with my stuck up filter of a brain.

But I really appreciated those who have offered their concern, and I know your
intentions were good, so it's all cool. It's not your fault you don't know about my
situations, and it's not a sin to be ignorant about my problems. The least I can do
for you if you ever even looked at me as a friend, is to not allow my negativity to
spread to you I think.

The second major moment was when my heart just bled dry and my brain started
following suit after it finally registers the impact of my breakup. I'm kinda embarrassed
by the fact that I broke down in front of the people I shouldn't even be showing such
weaknesses to. But that was the first time I shared my problems to a group of people
who could feel my pain, and oddly enough, they cried for me. I've never ever felt such
a connection with people before. So for that, I just feel really really grateful.

Then the 3rd major thing that happened was this one guy who decided that he should
help me be a buddy for a day and listen to everything I have inside. And that person
kickstarted my healing process. He allowed me to fully register my problems I'm facing
and since then, I've been actively fighting all my inner demons better.

And then came Sports Day in my former school and I felt like there was something
I could do for the people I'm tied to. So I did what I could for them the best I could.
It probably isn't much, and I could always do better, but they were there for me that
one single time. And it made me want to be there for them for as long as I can.

The fifth was the day I felt like I really needed help with my motivational issues. As
some of you who've been following Project Grateful have known, I had a little therapy
project by my Psych. Major friend. So I followed all her advice the best I could. Some
worked, some didn't, some did better than I thought it would. But the discovery of Man's
Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl really turned my perspective 360.

I guess you could say it was one of the best reads I have ever had and it helped accelerate
my healing process from everything. You could almost say it genuinely brought out the best
in me once again.

After that, I fell in love again for a brief amount of time, and it really hit me that I'm just not
ready for love until I can find a way to properly appreciate myself. I broke the girl's heart
because I couldn't reciprocate her feelings the way I think I really could have. It's not her fault.
She was definitely an attractive person to be with, hands down. But the problem wasn't her. It's
just this stupid heart of mine.

It's really weird to feel so guilty when someone tells you that she loves you. I wish I could
say that back to her, but it's better to not string her along while I'm still finding my way. It's
definitely not my call to decide things for her, so I'm doing this for myself.

But now that I think back on it, this might've been what one of my old crushes felt when
she just simply couldn't reciprocate my feelings for her. Haha, karma sure works in very
strange ways.

And finally, I found my current job. I don't know how to describe it, but I know it's just
a lot of good. So I think I'm gonna stick around for a good while over here. Whatever
happens in the future, happens haha. And if you ever wanna hop on by my workplace,
just send me a text or something. If you've got my Facebook, it's highly likely you
can find my number there.

Alright, this should be it. I'll end with my last piece of grateful nbfjasrgsdjhgewiah now.
I'm grateful that:
1. I met some great people this year.
2. I'm not severely demotivated with life anymore.
3. I've got a purpose in life to fulfill. Even if it isn't big or ambitious, it's fine.
4. I'm more at peace with myself.
5. I'm learning to treat myself right.
6. I'm loving myself more.
7. I can finally end this thing and not worry about spending anymore time here.
Now I can focus on other things. Like.. exercising and PAINTING! :D (because
blogging takes up a lot of time...)
8. I realize that I really REALLY donwanna post everyday anymore.

31-12-2013 Project Grateful End.

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