Saturday, October 18, 2014

It's Good To Be Back

Say hi to Noella Luplux. My lovely classic wallpaper.

You have no idea.

Goodness me I was beginning to think that I'll never get back
to my workspace.

And... I'm back here. Typing away. Because. Uh.

I get really fucking sleepy back in my own room.

I used to think that my own room was the best place
to be in to cultivate motivational shrooms.

Clearly... not.

So I solved this nagging issue by getting myself a new
desktop. It isn't much. It's 2nd hand again (yes).

But it's an upgrade from whatever I had previously.

It's an upgrade from getting ridiculously sleepy in my room.

It's an upgrade from getting bad posture problems with
with my back... which I think won't be much of an issue
anymore. GOOD LORD I MISS THIS KEYBOARD.

SPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAM
SPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAM
SPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAM
SPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAM
SPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAM
SPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAM
SPAMSPAMSPAMSPASMPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAM
SPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAM
SPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAM
SPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAM
SPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAM
SPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAM
SPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAM
SPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAM

Oh right, and I can finally sit on my swivel chair again.

Anyways, dear lecturer, whatever you told me about doing
work in my room; you were spot on. But I guess you really
gotta live through an ideal before you can ever learn something
from it.

To learn what it means to actually fuck up and regret it.
Then moving past it and looking forward to whoever you're
supposed to be from thereon henceforth.

Thanks man. I forgot your name. But guess what. You did
right as my mentor.

I don't really love life that much.
And I don't really hate it too.

Life sucks.

But if it didn't suck, then... how are we ever gonna fully
realize our full potential as human beings?

Shit this sucks.

...But that actually sounds kinda fun too.

Hmkay.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Moved Down

When cleanup was still in progress at Inside Scoop DJ

















...from Bangsar to Damansara.

Ha. Haha. Hahaha. Yes.

So Inside Scoop has a second branch now. And I'm kinda deported moved
there from Bangsar against my free will, so... I'll be permanently posted at
Damansara Jaya for the time being.

Until another branch appears
*fingers crossed*

As for my life updates:
1. Inside Scoop DJ closes on Wednesdays. So technically I'm usually off 
on Wednesdays. But I must say that Wednesdays are usually busy days
for me to catch up on personal matters and extracurricular activities for
my company.

Please do click See More to check the opening hours for the DJ branch just
in the event you forgot the address and whatnot.



















Please do forgive me in advance if I ever turn down any of your
offers to meet up an whatnot rather rudely. There are always a lot
of things on my mind these days, and distractions always make me
sidetracked into more things to think about the next day, week or month.

Suffice to say every minute I spend less solving a problem here and there,
those said problems will keep haunting me tenfold. It's a difficult issue.
But hey, I'm trying to manage it. So help me out here haha.

So... please do inform me in advance if you'd like to meet up.
Catching up with sleep is something very uniquely rare for me
so it'd be great for you to give me a good reason to spend one
of my 48 precious off days in a year with you.

And if I ever do, well, gee ain't that something haha.

Also, I'm kinda the busiest every last week of the month and beginning of
a new month because I need to deal with more paperwork at those times.
So please avoid scheduling me during those times.

2. I've finally finished paying up for my bike this month!

Which also means honeymoon period is over for me. I'm
gonna start thrifting like mad this month onwards, to make
sure that I can pay back my peeteepeeteean loan on time.

So for those of you who wants to yumcha and whatnot, please
do understand my financial and time constraints. Ask me out,
but you're gonna have to be a little more patient with me actually
replying and accommodating your request.

Please be forewarned that if you hustle, I'll most likely ignore your
request forever due to compounded annoyance. So please do everything
within your power to refrain from doing so. (I'm sure some of you still
will anyways, but since this is out in the world, I think it's fair to say I
have every right to be pissed at you if need be haha.)

And be rest assured that I'll be sure to always add your appointments
to the list in the future when my financial obligations a lot more flexible.

But here here, let me just give you a timeline.

Best time to even think about having a casual dinner with me,
December 2015. (Unless if you're buying. But nah.. that's totally
not cool. I don't like the feeling of owing other people.)

Until then, I need to maintain a discipline. Thank you
for your consideration.

3. I have a Hongmi S1 now thanks to my boss. I still like my old qwerty
keypad from the Nokia Asha 210 a whole lot better though,

4. I also.. kinda have Instagram.

Anyways, now onto some more.. minor things in my life.
Like this:










Let me just clarify that this definitely, absolutely isn't my doing.
If you thought it was me, then clearly, I'm not someone you know
very well.

And since you probably know jack shit about me,
here are 100 random trivias about me:
1. I never misspell my own name. It's just 4 letters. And it's also spelled
backwards. I don't even know of a way to misspell such a thing. Donno,
maybe reverse wizardry might.

2. My name means bow from bow & arrow in a language called Pali.

3. I got my name from a Burmese temple in Penang. The hint is that it's
a pretty popular temple.

4. My name is apparently an incarnation of my previous lifetime.
I was a son of an archer then.

5. I quit using emotes/smileys. I just find it kinda disrespectful when
people use emotes as a crutch to express what they really mean to
say in proper constructed sentences.

6. I don't post senseless things on my social media accounts.
Well. I haven't been for almost 3 years now. I suspect this
trend will last indefinitely.

7. Because of that, I have decided to deactivate my Twitter account
as I found it really redundant. But someone hacking into my account with
Google's leaked passwords helped to trigger the decision. I only noticed it
was hacked when I saw some activity I didn't do at all from my account,
with my friends calling me spammy.

So for those of you out there who's been bothered by my Twitter, I
apologize. But it no longer exists, so be rest assured that you'll
never get any random tweets from me ever again.

8. I always try to project my thoughts with properly constructed
sentences. In the event that I don't, there are only 4 reasons to it:
a. I'm half asleep when I texted you.
b. I have a lot going in my mind and I'm trying to balance
all the thoughts out while not forgetting any of them in the
process of taking time to properly respond to your queries.
c. I wrote too damned much.
d. I typed in a hurry.

9. With 8 being said, I'll do an epic K or OK or Sure or any other
kinda one-liner if I feel like I just need to provide affirmation that
I acknowledged your message or I don't feel the need to reply any
further than that. Thanks.

10. I love brinjals. Yum. And pumpkins. Double yum.

11. My FB chat is always turned off by default and it's on hide sidebar
mode. So if you ever see me online, it usually means that I'm on because
I want you to know that I'm on and that I've made time to be available
for you online.

12. I'm not comfortable with physical contact with the opposite sex.
Just trying to be careful. Must never forget no matter what, I'm still
a guy in the end.

13. So if I warn a girl that I'd smack her back if she ever touches me again,
and she still does, calling for gender inequality and using the feminist card
on me will be way too late. Padan muka.

14. Chivalry to me is always honouring your word and never giving out
empty promises. I'm pretty dedicated to both ends. Only thing is that
the first can never come without the latter. So.

15. I'm lame. Not with crutches if you know what I mean.

16. I'm no longer as afraid as I was with cockroaches. I kill them now
on sight. But that doesn't mean I enjoy killing them.

17. I dislike the very idea of ending a life.

18. I believe in karma. It's hard not to when I feel an itch whenever I
kill an ant, insect, moquito or any sorta bug.

19. I always respect dead things. If I killed them, I always make sure
they are disposed of with respect. And I'll pray for them my own way.

20. I don't like owing people anything.

21. I believe that every good turn deserves another in return.

22. I take everything in life very seriously. Especially when it's not
about me.

23. I'll beat myself down very hard when I fail at something. And
when that happens, there's nothing you can do to make me feel
happy. Distance and time are all I need. So leave me be.

24. I believe in only one religion; being nice. I think God will only
help people who help themselves. Why do you need to pray and
praise your God out loud when you can just live with God in you
and walk with him as a human being every single day?

25. I'd rather sleep than pray. Praying solves nothing. I have faith
in action. Miracles don't happen without effort.

26. I will absolutely not tolerate bullying of any kind.

27. I used to hate people who smoke. Now not so much.

28. Girls are an immediate turn off to me when the following are present:
1. Below 21 years of age.
2. Smokes (even shisha)
3. Bad work ethic.

29. But then, it's not like just any girl can attract me. I just don't
buy into pretty so easily.

30. The more I look at pretty girls, the more flaws I see in them
over time that makes them more average day after day.

31. I think girls look best in casual wear and with no makeup.

32. I'll always have high respect for anyone who has the mindset
to properly dress for an occasion. Dressing up takes a lot of work
to pull off, yet alone maintain throughout the rest of the day.

33. I'll always prefer to have an open relationship with my partner
with her parents being made aware of our situation. I dislike having
to hide things behind any parents' back. Because one day, I'll be one too.

34. I'm always impressed with girls who walk fast and take long strides
while walking.

35. Guys who take very small steps irritate the living shit outta me.

36. I have no problem with cussing and with other people cussing in
front of me. It's all about the fucking context.

37. When I type, I always control my paragraphing so that the
flow of text is more easily readable. It's all about the kerning,
avoiding orphans and controlling the river.

38. I'm always against food wastage. I'll only condone it if I
myself cannot finish it due to me nearing constipation. If not,
I'll finish them all if I can. (Unless if the food is really really
horrendously horrible.)

39. I live a very transparent life. I won't do things that I wouldn't
want others to see. So whatever you see on my Facebook is as
good as the real me. Not that there's much to see anyways.

40. I always live with responsibility and I bear every consequence
of my actions with all my heart and soul.

41. I like having long hair. But out of convenience, I always keep
my hair short. Easier to maintain. Less itch to handle.

42. I have a teddy bear the size my of my brother.

43. I have a collection of Magic the Gathering cards.

44. I love jogging.

45. I used to be really afraid of the night and darkness. But after
I went out for my first jog out at 3am, everything changed. I love
the time past midnight now. So empty, so quiet. Just what I need
to put my mind into focus.

46. I'm a very nocturnal being.

47. Once I post up a post on Blogger, I'll never delete them, regardless
of how stupid I was when I wrote them. This is to serve as a reminder of
who I was before, and who I currently am now.

48. I believe in the fight or flight subconscious.

49. I always thought my first choice would be to fight, but I fled
instead when I was mugged for the first time. Whether it was the
fear of death or the will to survive another day so that those close
to me remain unaffected, I don't really know. I just know that if
you're in a crunch, follow your first instinct. It's not easy to think
when you're all high with adrenaline.

50. I'm a very practical person. I prefer function over form.

51. If I had a choice over comfort or good looks, I'd always
go for comfort first.

52. If I can't run in a certain outfit, I'd consider that a bad
choice of clothes. You'll never know when you're gonna
have to run for your life. I have to always prepare for the
possibility of it happening.

53. I've never worn any suede of leather shoes that felt
comfortable to me feet at all so far. Especially when I
need to stand for 12 hours straight.

54. I believe if someone can sacrifice for fashion, they
can pretty much do anything. So when I ask someone who's
dressed very proper to do a certain something, and they
keep answering with can't can't can't when all the suggestions
are basically beneficial for them, I become very perplexed.

55. I'm actually putting out a trivia here. About myself. Wow.

56. I'm not a selfie kinda guy. You'd notice that I'm very reluctant
to take groupies and things like that. But hey, always take one for
the team right? Blergh.

57. I do love photography though.

58. I got my first DSLR dirt cheap.

59. I'm an avid second hand purchaser. I've bought 5 second hand laptops
now. Glad to say they were all good deals.

60. I'm savvy enough to keep my computer virus free.

61. I prefer remembering routes to a place than relying on a GPS.

62. I have motion-sickness when I read in a car. So it's no like I have
that much of a choice sometimes.

63. I find getting lost pretty fun. Always gives me opportunity to discover
new areas unknown to me.

64. I dislike going to a place I don't know for the first time in a rush.

65. If' I'm ever going to a place I don't know, I'll always plan the
journey ahead, give myself time just in case I do get lost, and
visit the area beforehand, if I have time.

66. I don't like disappointing people.

67. I can't stand disappointing myself.

68. I still draw occasionally.

69. I don't mind going through the rain and getting wet. I just don't
like the things in my bag or my goods to get wet.

70. If I fall sick, everything usually goes away after a good long jog.

71. I'm very talkative and verbose. I won't recommend encouraging me.

72. I enjoy cooking.

73. I enjoy baking

74. I enjoy sewing.

75. I enjoy cleaning.

76. I enjoy reading.

77. I wish I had a little more time for the five things aforementioned.

77. I've got zounds of drafts waiting to be properly consolidated so
that they can be posted. But then again, time time time. *sigh*

78. I don't like the idea of wishing for things. If you want something,
then just work for it.

79. I hate waiting for things to happen. So if I can make them
happen, I will.

80. I'm not the kinda guy who misses people very often. I guess
I just understand that people always come and go and

81. I don't like dwelling in the past.

82. I enjoy impersonating other people's accents just to make fun
of them. It brings me tremendous joy.

83. I'll always make time for things that matter. If I'm not making
time for you, clearly you don't matter too much for me.

84. I find it unfair to do personal things during work hours, so
I'll never do anything non-work related while I'm at work. I did,
before in my previous employment, even with the consent of
my boss. But I was guilt-tripping all over. I'll never repeat it
ever again.

Now I'm not at college anymore. There's no need for me to do
assignments and whatnot. It's rare for me to have nothing to do
for my job these days anyways.

85. If you see me on the job, with my phone, I don't text for fun.
I'm working. I'm contacting for business purposes. It's a serious thing.
So don't disturb me if possible.

86. .. I don't really text for fun anymore.

87. I'll never ask anyone out for no reason. So when someone asks me
if I wanna hang out, I'm always inclined to ask why.

88. I don't like to waste other people's time.

89. I'll always try to wake up as late as possible with just enough time
to prep and go so that I stay as fresh as I can till work ends.

90. It's been 3 months since I was able to sleep without having to think
about waking up the next day.

91. I don't believe in getting tired. That's why I don't get tired easily.

92. I'm easily fascinated by a lot of things. So I find boredom a very
rare thing.

93. I'm happy most of the time because I've vowed to never let myself
fall into depression again. It's just some sorta survival coping mechanism
I came up with overtime.

94. I'm a bit of a hoarder. I'm bad at throwing things away.

95. My room is piling up with clothes. I need to rearrange everything again soon.

96. I don't enjoy being late. But if I am, I make sure things still go as planned
and on time.

97. I'll step down if I know that I'm not capable enough to do something right.

98. I personally think it's unfair for anyone to say they don't like something
when they haven't even tasted or tried out how it's like beforehand. People
like that really irk me to no tomorrow.

99. My right ear lobe is smaller than my left ear lobe.

100. I actually wear specs. But I don't because my power hasn't decreased at
all for the past 9 years ever since I was 14. I dislike the idea of having a pair
of accessories threatening to fall off my face everytime I need to be fast
anyways. If something's not helping in making me efficient, I'll just trim it away.

And I shall conclude this post with cake.

Chocolate cake.



Chocolate cake. Baked by my bro.

Thanks for reading.

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Enough Is Enough

Pecan something at Awesome Canteen. You really gotta try it.


















It's strange, shifting from a serial poster into a once-a-while poster.

Anyways, today's post is about being blatantly frank with my life
so far. Because since 6 months basically just happened to me
after serving customer after customer, scooping ice-cream over
ice-cream, interviewing new part-time staff here and there,
designing this and that, making sure the machines are all cleaned
opening up the shop as fast as I can every Wednesday, and
thinking of what needs to be done every Thursday.

Oh right, there's the weekends too, which are like super awesome
because the wave of customers flooding in just doesn't stop. I'd be
lucky to even think about what I could have for dinner. I'd usually
just go to the usual spot and spend around RM5-10 on a dish and
trot back to the shop within 20-40 minutes haha.

Sorry for the verbosity. But I also apologize in advance that
it doesn't end there. Yikes!

So yes, after 6 months of doing that, I'm finally here today.

A lot has changed since of course.

Like:

1. On my first payday, I was so nervous about the dress code that
I went to the supermarket and made sure I had enough for a week's
supply of black shirts and jeans. So yes, I definitely have a lot of
clothes to wear now. Can't say I look great, but it definitely seems
a lot better than wearing classic XXL hand-me-downs.

2. Second payday, I felt a little unproductive, just doing in-shop stuff
like cleaning, and cleaning and more cleaning... Inventory! And cleaning
and cleaning. I thought there was definitely more than that to taking care
of a store, so... I bought a laptop, and it's still working great! Now I can
even deejay around with music, do part-timer's schedule, look up product
information, competitor research and deal with suppliers without having to
wait until I go home to do it.

Definitely more productive ever since.

3. Sometime in between the purchase of the computer, my back-ache
started hitting me real hard again due to my daily trips to work on a
bicycle. I tried commuting by the LRT, which was pretty fast and took
me 40 minutes with the cycling to Taman Bahagia, the transit to Bangsar
and walking to the shop from the station.

And when I cycled, it only took me 45 minutes. So after the first 2 weeks
of LRT, having to go home after 11.30pm meant that I couldn't take the
LRT home, so I either had to hitch a ride back home with one of my bosses,
or I call up home and see who can pick me up, which sucked big-time.

So.. one day, the accumulated stress on my back just exploded on me.
Then I called me dad telling him that I'd die the next day if I cycled
another day, which meant that I needed a motorbike pronto.

He said yes and bought me the motor the very next day.

And yes, I have a motorbike now.

4. With ownership of the bike, comes ownership of a reliable jacket too.
So yes, took me a while, but I bought more comfy trousers and also a
pretty nice jacket. It's damned hot to be in it, but it at least makes up
with it's look and better-than-nothing-on-at-all mindset.

And no, I've never worn the jacket backwards, even as of yet.

5. Lent some money, treated my family and some good people.
A little payback to the community around me.

6. Finally found the right gym to be a member of. So I signed up!

7. I was sick and tired of worrying about whether I should ride through
a rain or not. So I looked for a bag that was both waterproof and of
Deuter quality. And I found Hypergear.

8. Decided I needed to get a DSLR. So I found one and bought one.

9. I've been thinking of this for... 6 months now, but I think it's about
time I scheduled a scaling appointment for my teeth! And then maybe
I'll think about getting those new pair of glasses...

10. donno. think later.

So... I'm not earning a billion-dollar job or anything. But something great
sorta happened to me from the start of the job till today; and it's the part
where I felt, thought, knew and realized that I had enough.

My salary is enough. My work is decent enough. I'm fulfilled enough.
Enough enough enough. I had enough.

Everytime I think that way, everything else in my life suddenly turns into
this extensive stash of bonuses that I really really enjoy. And that's
really fantastic I must say.

But knowing that I have enough and also having a direction to go to
definitely puts my mind at ease.

You see, I was never too ambitious about anything in my life. Call me
weird, but I think that kinda side-effect is only natural when one has
been oppressed all his life for an extensive amount of time.

So with that being said, my dreams are not set in stone yet, but it's
definitely gonna be hanging around the idea of having enough.

Enough is good. More is better. Abundance is awesome.

Doing what I do sometimes day after day sometimes can get a little
mundane and boring. I say sometimes because.. I actually don't really
feel all that mundane nor boring.

Oh, I'm sorry, it's not my fault I was born innately curious with things
and have a hard time trying to be bored at something. Sad to say that
this isn't really a joke, but a matter of fact statement. What a bummer.

But just in the off chance that I might, I always find ways to keep
myself sharp with things and strive to improve myself in any aspect
whatsoever in every passing day.

Because being in one place and acclimating to your habits isn't a
really good place to be. Creating and improving new habits that
make you more efficient regardless of where you are as a human
being might be a better place to be.

I feel better when I do better anyways. So it's kinda like a why not
sorta thing.

You see, failing college and realizing that sometimes the things I'm
interested in doesn't exactly work out the way I want it leaves me
with two options:

1. to keep pursuing that interest no matter how long it takes for
me to be better at it or
2. detour into something else, make something out of it, then maybe
go back to that same interest later.

I love art. I love studying art. I love everything that has to do with
pretty things, beautiful landscapes and nitty-gritty details of what
is made in certain textiles and all these information!

But art as a job is pretty damned stressful. And my work ethic
won't allow me to commit to a company until my art skills are
on par with industrial standards. Some bull about me wanting
to contribute my unique set of skills instead of going there to
gain some experience. And... that was enough to stop me from
sending in my portfolio to a company, amongst other reasons.

So I already took 2 years off to focus on art. And.. I think it's
just taking too damned long. So here I am now doing what I
do today.

I don't really mind if people look down on me or anything when
it comes to my job. I mean, I don't carry the glam like doctors,
professors and maybe even law-degree holders, but y'know,
every job comes with their own specific set of circumstances
that will be tied onto their very own unique set of stresses,
rewards and consequences.

So I don't envy people with a "better" job. A job is a job. There
is no such thing as a better job or not. If you don't have to work
at all in a job, then... I'd suggest that you never let that job go.

Because that can only happen in very few circumstances like:

1. you actually don't have to work because your money is just
working for you already.
2. a work so fun that you're practically playing everyday but
that's sorta your job scope
3. you get paid to sit around doing nothing. It's rare, but...
yeah, it exists, somewhere.

Like I said, I have enough. I mean, you can earn RM12k a
month, while I earn around RM2k a month, and I'd still be
not envious with what you get.

Because life and careers really aren't about the paychecks.
It's about what you do with it that really counts.

Heck, getting a lot of money means more financial management.
And when people know you earn more, you're also targetted
unnecessarily, both for the good and bad.

More money is only good when you know how to manage it wisely.
Otherwise, more money is just gonna make your life miserable. You'd
probably be better off when you were more pauper than wealthy.

Anyways, what will come will come. I'm just gonna work hard
and pay up my study loan as soon as I can. Till then, I know
I have enough.

Because having enough is awesome.

Doesn't mean I should stop trying to be better though haha.
Being complacent and knowing you have enough are two
different things. So keep working hard!

Thanks for reading btw.
-Dork.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Life@4.44am

For every spike of intense motivational intent, 
there's always a time where everything just feels 
like it is down and under, even when we know fully 
well everything's perfectly fine.

At least, that's what I'd like to believe.

And oh boy, today was such a day.

The past few weeks; months in fact, was all smooth sail.
Then today, after an accumulation of self-frustration and
disappointments, my brain/heart finally kicked meself in
the butt and went all assholey inside me.

Made me feel depressed for no fucking reason, when I know
damned well everything's perfectly fine and life goes on as usual.

But I was still depressed nonetheless.

Then I took a nap and it all went away.

Awesome.

*sigh* just wished I'd done this a little sooner before I decided
to apologize to a certain someone about... stuff.

ANYWAY, now that I know this, if I ever feel depressed again,
first order of conduct is to get a compulsory good nap.

... Or at least pretend I'm ok with big juicy smiles until
I get a nap/sleep.

Haha, worklife. Now, for some proper sleep.
Love off-days.

Thursday, May 08, 2014

(My) Printing Etiquette

stolen from here.

















... I'm pretty sure all of you have printed something before
in a print shop at least once in your entire life.

So...

I'm quite certain you've noticed that all almost all print shops
protect their awesome PC with a certain kind of Antivirus.

Doesn't matter if it's Kaspersky or Norton or AVG, they
just have an Antivirus to protect themselves from the shit
your bring into their territory.

So with that being said, if you've been in queue before
waiting to print, you'd definitely love to bash people who
brings his or her entire 2TB hard fucking disc just to print
one, ONE.

O N E

godforsaken document.

And I gotta tell you, I feel for the printer, the person behind the
guy with the 2 Terrafuck, and every other person behind that
person. Because that numbskull made everyone wait half an hour
to complete his Antivirus scan. (usually a lot longer. To the point
where the printman just goes bonkers, stops the scan midway,
takes the risk of exposing his pc to virus and just prints it anyways.)

So much for trying to do a rush print.

Anyways, this is what I do when I bring a thumbdrive.
With very special emphasis to thumbdrive. Think thumb.


stealz


















In every sense of the word. 
































You see, when I bring a thumbdrive to print, I keep the
size small. As small as possible.







200mb is not a big deal. 3 full GB is still sorta tolerable.
Above 10gb and.. boy, you could take your time to shit,
come out of the toilet and still find out that the virus scan
isn't complete.

What can I say, not all printing companies are equipped with
gamer's specs or 3d animating prowess. Their processing power
is usually just enough, but you just can't cram virus scan man.

With that being said, please don't even bother with 100gb.

You see, everytime I wanna print something, the printer
will ask me what I want to print.

What do I want to print ah?

So I make it painfully obvious for that person.





The person behind the pc would stare at it for a while,
raise her eyebrow and before she could say something,
I'd cut in and say

See print plz thx? Yeah, just
print that.

No need to search for this, and that and whatever. It's just
there. Please just print it thanks.

Need to scan? No worries.









Go ahead, scan scan.





























I'd be amazed if anything of viral origin would crawl out
of my pristine mp3 files. It's just my workout track for
Pete's sake.

... no, I don't know anyone by the name Pete unfortunately.

Now, for the file itself. She'd start asking... well about to ask,
until she double clicks the file. Again, I make it painfully obvious:











And I'm pretty sure the printer wouldn't need to ask anything
else when it comes to what's inside that folder.

Of course, this is where I just smile at her.

If only everyone did this for print shops lolz.

Wouldn't the printing universe be such a lovely place if everyone
did this? Just imagine a world without 2Terrafucks.
(or any Terrafuck for that matter)

Geebers.

So yes, if you agree with this, please share this. If you don't...
may Thor strike you with his mighty Mjolnir straight through
your cranium it's okay.

Yeah, now, if only I could still get a student discount...

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Dumb FB

I don't think a lot of you might have noticed this, but
all images uploaded into FB, be it through a status
update, album or through 1-1 FB chat, they all go
through this magically dumb conversion system.

Basically even if you have a RAW camera image and
you upload it into anywhere on Facebook, it'd turn it
into a heapload of crap for you.

Free of charge, no questions asked, and no, you can't
change this stupid degenerate setting.

To put things simply, Facebook crappifies every single
piece of awesome you have in your images. It's a toilet
bowl for images that comes in great, but always nasty
on the other end.

And you see what the biggest problem is these days?

When you're in business, and you need images with
proper fucking resolutions, you don't get it when people
decide to do things the convenient way and send you the
images through Facebook.

Facepalm more like it.

Please people, when other people are asking you for photos,
or any sort of image whatsoever, for the purpose of printing
or new media publication and etc.

don't use Facebook.

For the purpose of see here, see there, look here, look there.

Sure.

But when you really need it to be print-ready or crisp, it's a major pain
in the ass with all the pixels, unusually small image size, and all other
instances of idiocy coming from Facebook's image processing system.

And if it is involving work, can't you just have the common courtesy
to just send through e-mail? After all, you won't have a stalker
FB account without first having an e-mail, is that not right?

So send it through an e-mail. It takes just a few more seconds,
removes the entire hassle of having to double work, and for
once, you'd actually prove to be pretty reliable when it comes
to image quality, aside from giving yourself the opportunity to
showcase your courteous e-mailing skills.

Anyways, life isn't void of all hope.

You can still send the images anyhow you need, outside of Facebook.
Use image hosting sides like imageshack.com if need be. Or
upload into a Deviantart account or your Google thingamajingies.

For as long as it isn't in Facebook, I'd reckon the image quality
will always be as crisp as the original.

I know probably a lot of you aren't educated about this. But test
it for yourself. Everytime you upload an image into FB, the image
will have it's own code, and not the original filename of the uploaded
image.

Like maybe https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn2/t1.0-9/10175962_10152831950584126_2625345699256182364_n.jpg

Compared to http://searizeel.deviantart.com/art/Aflame-431096785

...which kinda still retains a portion of it's original filename, along with
it's resolution, size(MB/GB) and whatnot.

So now that you've read this, and you're informed of this, I hope more
of you can have the sanity to just shy away from Facebook images for
the good of all working mankind.

Thanks,
Pretty frustrated guy.

Wednesday, April 09, 2014

Open Diary

Dear diary,

Today was a typical normal day at work with some cleaning,
serving customers and having to put up with some of my colleagues
quirky antics.

But at one part of the day, a certain song I've been listening to off
and on to made an appearance, and it just happened.

It was pulling on my heart strings.

I felt the wrenching pull in my heart, the numbing spasm down
my spine; the goosebumps. Something was happening, and
the song was speaking to me, touching me deeply.

I did my best to conceal my intent to play that same song endlessly,
and I managed to sneak it into the playlist 3 times today, when there
was a stagger between the other workers who were present with me
at the front area.

And then I got home, I went for a run. It's the third day of my "final
push program." My muscles were aching like mad, and I know it was
never gonna be any easier, but I've come this far and saw results,
it just doesn't make any sense to stop right now.

After I was done with the run, I hit the mat for the next round of
workouts. I did one set of situps, then got to my playlist on my
computer, and just played the song from earlier.

This time, it hit me off guard, and came in with full force. I thought
I was just gonna have the same goosebumps again, but no.

A surge of emotions flooded my soul instead, and they manifested
into tears streaming down my cheeks.

The memories that were flashing through my head were all about
Pastella, but at the same time, not about her as I continued my
workout routine.

It was pinpointing at something more important than her.

And the answer finally came to me:

It was the entire experience of the moment of being so helplessly
in love with one another that all you wanted to do was lie head
to head rested against one another as you fall asleep gazing into
each other's magnetic eyes.

And the torrent of sad emotions stopped. I was crying again,
but this time, the sadness was all gone. I was just crying.

Then it hit me; if I wasn't sad, then am I happy?

A smile started to form on my face, and after that, I was
just in a state of complete conscious bliss.

Pastella,

I hated you with everything I've got to cope with my life,
and somehow I ended up blaming myself for everything
that has happened.

But somewhere along the way, I figured out the vicious
destructive cycle psyche of it, and got myself busy doing
things and living life rather then waste my time in thoughts
that don't matter and won't do me much good thinking
about them.

The thought went further and further back into the back of
my head as the days continued to pass by, but it's existence
never fades. Just gets more and more insignificant overtime.
Something like a nag you receive from a parent that may seem
important the first time, but after a while, it just gets old and
doesn't make as much sense as it used to when you first hear it.

And today, I'm glad to finally able to say that I've gotten over you.

I don't really know how getting over someone actually
feels like, but if it'd feel like something, I think it'd resemble
closely to what I'm experiencing right now:

A state of forgiveness, bliss, gratitude and renewal all happening
simultaneously.

The thought that I actually really want to say this to you in person:

Thank you for leaving me. 

It was the best thing for the two of us, 
and I can finally genuinely believe in 
those words when I say it now.

We definitely loved each other, and I know that
for sure now. But our love wasn't meant to last.
It was meant to educate us, and thanks to you, I
now know what I'm looking for. 

To not chase this phantom of you, but to seek that
enchanting experience I've had with you when we
were we were so grateful for each other's presence 
that we could literally lie next to each other all 
day and smile towards the ceiling just laying still, 
doing nothing but thinking of each other, admiring
whatever silence we shared, and celebrating every
word we could manage to get across out of our 
scrambled thoughts.

And it's queer to finally realize that this happened
twice in our relationship; the first being our first 
few months together, and the second being our final 
few months together after our actual breakup. 

Because everything else in between were the things
we didn't want to deal with. The frustrations of
not being compatible, the clash of expectations
and the sheer brutality of reality all swarming us
like a locust plague to an open paddy field. 

And the next thing we knew, the chain of 
circumstances and the invisible walls of
insecurity blocked us both out.

We couldn't figure out how to knock the walls down,
and somehow or rather, we ended up making the wall
higher, wider and more fortified the longer we
stayed together. Laying brick after brick with
every passing day we chose to look away.

And that made us both really unhappy. Because
we became further and further apart. As much as
we wanted to click, our matching velcros just
didn't seem to stick anymore. And the love
faded, we got caught in a routine and our
relationship became something no different
than a household chore that we loathe to do,
but still did anyways out of necessity.

And that ate us inside out.

We didn't deserve to be unhappy with someone we love.
How can we love someone and not feel happy?

So I sincerely hope you can find that happiness again.
I know that I will, and it's just a matter of time before
I meet someone who'd make me feel the same way again.

All the best to you Pastella.

I've loved you before. And I still love a part of you.
But you aren't the Pastella I know anymore. And with 
that being said, it's safe to say that I no longer 
love you as who you are.

Our memories will continue to act as a guide to me.

But this is where we finally say goodbye and let 
each other go cleanly; 

I can say goodbye and let you go cleanly.

That I'm over you.

I think it best that we never make contact again.
There's no need for us to remain friends, and I
have a feeling your life would be a lot better off
without me in the picture.

It's not that I don't want to be friends. But
we've tried before, and it made us both feel
guilty rolling back into our old habits together.

I don't need that. You don't need that. And now
without any barriers from holding the entirety of
my anger towards your shortcomings; because I really
don't love you anymore, I'd love to not have the
opportunity to lash at you.

So what we have now is good, and I'd like to keep
it that way if it's not too much of a trouble.


And that's when I figured it out:

We were no longer in love with each other then. We were just in love with a
version of ourselves that existed for a time but never came back no matter
how long we stayed together trying to make it happen again.

And it dawned on me that wasn't right the right way for a relationship to go on.
A relationship should never feel suffocating and weigh you down needlessly.

Perhaps that was why I felt like the relationship was heading towards
an impending disaster for a pretty long time, but I kept knocking the idea
out because I thought it was an act of good faith in a relationship to only
believe in the good and keep hanging on no matter what happens.

But after all that has happened, the sheer randomness of that song
touching me like this after knowing about it for the past 4 months,
it's hard to revert into that naive old self again.

And it's good not being so naive.

I must say, I gotta give the Osla 4 months back some credit. He
realized that he was going nowhere with his feelings and decided to
do something about it. And this was his solution:




























And that was the best thing that has ever happened to me.
It's a funny feeling, working really hard for something. No
matter how tiring it is, or how exhausting it gets, when you're
doing it for a good reason, you've got nothing to hold you back,
you just keep going.

And I kept going.

I worked hard at work. I worked hard with myself. If I never
had goals, I developed habits.

And it helped.

To think that I was torturing myself needlessly all this time after the 
breakup. But it's all over now. I'm finally free from it's shackles.

I knew I was searching for an answer, but it just couldn't happen
then. It had to happen after suffering alone for 2 years. And out
of that 2 years, all it took was one switch flipped in my head,
and 4 months of keep moving forward and don't look back
attitude. A conscious decision to move on from this pathetic
phase in my life.

It's done. The answer is finally here, and I can run headlong
into the summit with nothing holding me back anymore, with
a huge smile on my face.

Because I enjoy my life now. And I think all of you out there
deserve the same. 

Everyone's experience is unique to one another. So if you're
tired of feeling like shit about a certain situation, all I can say
is that you've gotta want to work on it, and work really hard
on untying all the knots that give you a headache.

Then maybe, maybe you will get where I'm at now. And it
will happen if you want it hard enough as much as you work
for it.

And if you'll excuse me, I'd want to build a lego house with
all the scattered memories of me being me.

Have a nice day everyone.

Friday, March 28, 2014

Dumbfounded

Eva Argent. Just felt like painting.







































Days pass by rather quickly now that I have a full-time job.
I can even count the number of free days I have to spend
in the entire year, and what I would want to do with those
free days.

And this has made me realize how limited time is to me, and
it's really important to make them count. Especially with people
who actually gave a shit for me, and people who I really give a
shit about.

With that being said, I'm kinda glad that I'm now learning the
art of making time for myself as opposed to the opposite before
I had a full-time job.

Gotta say that it's a pretty fulfilling feeling.

And every now and then, my head will just turn off and go
into a blank state of limbo. When this happens, I'll usually
just go about doing the first thing that comes to my mind.

And usually it's either these 3 things:
1. reading through my own blogposts
2. following my workout routine
3. singing

So while I was trying to consolidate my blogposts, I found
this rather old post which I thought nobody read, and I was
dumbfounded by the fact that it even had 100 pageviews.

And when I read it again, I could kinda understand why. Because
every single time I run through it, what was once an empty head is
filled with something again. And those somethings are all good things.

I suppose some people felt the same way. Maybe they don't and
I'll probably never know. But at least I know it helps me every
once in a while when I have nobody to turn to.

Sometimes it feels like someone else wrote them all down and
I'm pretty much just nodding away to everything there is to say
from this split soul from another universe.

The post was actually a list.

A collection of all the epiphanies and mantras that I've learned,
kept and upheld as my moral code, ethical guideline, and most
of all, the belief that adhering to them will make me a better
human being in my own understanding.

Even when I forget some of them, I realize that all of them are so
in-grained in me that I don't even need to know the words to behave
in a certain way. I simply did them because I believed in them.

And I genuinely believed that if I continued being that way,
I'd be living a life with little to no regrets.

You can read them here. But just in case you're wondering where to
find it again, it's up on the tabs that says Stuff I Pick Up As I Grow.

Have a nice day.

Friday, March 14, 2014

It's Not Nice To Grab Someone's Bra.

Even if you're a girl yourself.

























She could have gotten worst. I'm just glad she didn't
and she chose to stand quiet. It may not have been the
best thing for her to do, but it was the right course of
action for her in that particular situation.

I'm saying this because I've been a victim to bullies for
5 years. Maybe longer, but the rest were more internal
conflicts of mine than real physical abuse, so I'm gonna
omit that one out.

And it's clear those girls were aiming to humiliate and hurt
her internally than physically. So as much as I want that girl
to uppercut and elbow their asses, I applaud her for having
the courage to accept them in silence and doing her best not
to react to their provocations.

Anyways, I just wanna share my experience and thoughts out
there regarding this topic with everyone who's had a history
with bullying. Having such a history and living with it isn't
something to be proud of, and definitely not something you
want to feel grateful about.

So I'm not gonna lace this post with sugar. I'm just glad I didn't
have it worse than some of the more unfortunate people out there
with nutcrack parents, a dismal neighbourhood and circumstances
far worse than I've ever been.

With that being said, I wanna start with this:

I've tried fighting back before, and it's strange how when
I did, the bullies hit even harder, and everyone else who's
itching for some action will join in to stop me from hurting
the perpetrators. So much for some peace and quiet. Me
being fat and stumpy when I was younger didn't help much
with fight or flight neither.

I know because I tried raising a wooden chair to give those
fuckers something to ponder about for the next few days after
gritting it in for 3 years.

Funny how the whole class was suddenly alarmed by how
I could hurt someone when people were constantly stabbing
me with 2B pencil stubs, smacking my head with text books
and see how loud it sounds, pinching me for no reason, etc.

If you were fit, fast, big and bad, what would you do to a timid,
quiet, slow, stumpy  and silly fat boy?

I shall leave that up to your imagination.

I guess maybe kids back in the day think being stabbed
with pencil stubs are like mosquito bites or something.
Such a fond memory.

3 were always ganging on me on a daily basis. Another group
would bother me off and on.

I was particularly despaired by the memory where I asked
my family for help, and I was estranged with only one sentence,

go deal with it yourself. 


I was 7 when I asked. I asked till I was 10. After that, I
knew better than to ask again, and I just stopped altogether.
And yeap, you figured it right. Not much longer after that,
I raised the chair against them.

The third time my family just blew me over was the moment
where I learned that wanting to lean onto others is a very
foolish thing to do, and is a luxury few can afford to have.
Ever since then, I've been striving to be as self-sufficient
as I possibly could.

Even today, as a result of my past, I have trust issues. But
I learned to overcome this by just trusting people anyways,
knowing that I might get hurt. Because you won't know if
you can trust someone or not until you give them trust. Once
you do, at least you'll be more cautious. And I think that's a
pretty fair trade for "getting hurt."

And I have reason to believe that this is exactly what happened
to that poor girl. She trusted them to be friends, and genuinely
wanted to have a good time with them. And well, she knows
damn well not to go out with them anymore now in the very least.

Of course, as I got older, I learned to gage and intercept possible
shortcomings, and learn to always keep my ass out of harm's way.
Always have some degree of insurance for yourself.

But anyways, regressing back to the topic at hand; somewhere
along the way, I realized that it was stupid to give the bullies what
they want - your helpless screams and pleas for help by people
who don't give a shit.

Watching you squirm and yelp really gives them a kick. Bullying
for the perpetrators is like weed, only that you're the catalyst to
their euphoria and what propels them is the thirst for authority
and submission.

And by that, I meant authority from them, submission from you,
they win, you lose, they get an ego boost, and you get a confidence
blow. They happy, you sad.

What they did to me was stupid. But I was fortunate enough to
get the right click in my head early to recognize that reacting to 
stupidity with stupidity is an even greater stupidity. And so
I definitely won't condone to a fist fight unless if it's really called for.
Because even if you've learned martial arts, I'm sure you've been
taught to protect, not to harm. Martial arts is called self-defense
for a reason. So don't resort to violence unless you really have to.

Up till this day, I still don't know if my family did the right thing for
me, but what's done is done. And I am what I am now. I've talked
to them a few years back, and I've moved on. I'm just glad I didn't
become a bully myself, and I know how to react when someone is
treated unjustly. Because nobody should be treated that way.

Either way, that girl was probably paralyzed by the betrayal of
someone she thought she could trust. I'm pretty sure she was
looking forward to hanging out with some friends for once, being
the introvert she is. And well, look what happened.

You can run once, and they'll feel the thrill of chasing you like
wolf hunting sheep. And when you see them again in school,
you'll have to run again. What we need to realize with bullying
is that the first course of action will set the tone for future actions
to come.

So I guess if you're looking to be a star athlete, this lifestyle might
just be perfect for you. Who knows, you might even pick up
parkouring with your survival instincts always kicking in.

On a serious note though, sure, you can put up a fight once. Then
if one of your perpetrators gets hurt with a cosmetic wound that
looks really bad, their parents come in with a lawsuit and your
whole family gets dragged into a huge clusterfuck.

I know this because someone I know punched an abuser in the
nose and got him bleeding bad. Great stuff for that someone. I
hi-fived him and laughed hysterically with his bold move when
I heard the story.

.. until he found out his perpetrator's parents were attorneys and
they threatened his family and him for a lawsuit. Suffice to say that
they managed to work out a solution after some very civil discussions.
And that alone took 6 months +.

But that's still not as bad as the worst case scenario; when they bring
a bigger gang and just fuck you up real bad until the day you leave
school in a spree of classic vengeance. I've seen this before, mobs
with knives and nail clubs right outside my high school gates. I'm
just glad I wasn't the target.

You obviously can't fight that. Unless if you're Bruce Lee, in which
I'm pretty sure you aren't. But if you've got a machine gun, maybe
it'd increase the odds of you surviving the onslaught.

Or a chainsaw greatsword. A chainsaw greatsword always works.

Yumiko Hara from Helldriver


















... Time to digress.

When you've truly experienced those situations for yourselves, and if
you've lived to tell it, I'm pretty sure most of you won't tell her to just
"run away and stand up for herself." Because you'd be lucky to have
a perfectly healthy body with no physical defects thereafter. And for
those of you who live to fight, I really hope you realize how much trouble
you get yourself into, and even more so for the people who care about
you. So I sincerely do hope your efforts were well worth the trouble.

Whatever it is, I also can't negate the fact that some of you out there
are luckier, and you guys never got anymore bully attempts with one
display of might or the spout of a word in a spur of "courage" by
asking those fuckers to scram.

Trust me when I say not everyone is that lucky. Just because it
worked for you doesn't mean it does for everyone. And I think
it's fairly obvious which one it is for this girl. Even mine only
stopped when I was 11.

However, it's true that you can't be a coward forever. But you
need to know when it's right to strike back. And when you do it,
you've gotta do it in such a subtle way where everything not only
stops permanently, but gets increasingly better over time.

It's like trying to cure a physical illness, just that in this case, it's
a social illness. Sooner or later, we have to learn to stop dealing
with only the symptoms. To cut the root of the bullying dilemma
requires intense patience and massive cooperation with the
community, which is surprisingly difficult, but not impossible.

And by community, I mean the parents of children, peers,
people who are related to the victims.

Fighting back physically is definitely not gonna solve much.
Because when violence begets vengeance, and vengeance
begets even more vengeance and violence... you'll be living
in a very dark world.

As for me, I'd like to think that when people waste time on
you by treating you unjustly, they are just giving you more
opportunities to learn and grow as a person.

Because.. that's probably the most practical and positive
way to work around a crappy life I can think of. 10 years
down the road, you'll know who lived a better life, became
a better person and had more degree of success.

And most important of all, who's lived a happier life.

Bullies are not worth your time, so don't harbor any
ill-will towards them. They are just sad souls looking
for a vent. They will stop eventually when you stop
giving them what they want. But the first step is always
asking for help. If you have a support system to fall
back on, then you'll be able to deal with the bully
situation more practically.

Then if you don't get a support system, even if you've
reached out for help... I'll pray that you're as lucky
(luckier) as I was. Because I was told to deal with it
myself.  And I wouldn't say that to anyone at all. Not
even my children, friends or anyone at all.

Back then, I didn't have real friends to talk to, and my
family didn't really care what happened for as long as
I didn't invite trouble. So if you've got a support system,
cherish it, and be grateful for it. Because you'll really need it.

I knew I needed it, but it wasn't there for me, even when all
the physical aspects of family were there. Sometimes I even
wonder why a family is there in the first place. Whelp, at least
I still got allowances back then, and a few curry puffs here and
there helped to mend the wounds every now and then. *shrugs*

So...

In all honesty, you need to learn to love yourself more than
anyone else. Once you can do that, then you might be able
to find the strength to stop hurting, and stop letting people
hurt you.

The cycle of bullying can stop, but it has to start with you.
You have to want it to stop for it to stop. Remain silent for
a period of time if you will to build up your courage, but when
things escalate, you'll become desperate and you're gonna need
that courage sooner than later.

If you're gonna get a little dirty, might as well dive into the muds
all the way and see what happens.

Come out dirty, and be prepared to face the consequences of your
actions. If you're in that mindset, then you're ready to do something
about your situation.

Not everyone can find the courage to allow themselves to be a
punching bag to ease someone else's suffering. So if you're not
a masochist, I strongly suggest that you don't tread through this
pathway. Because even if you were a masochist, I highly doubt
you can survive hemorrhage.

People might not understand you, and it's always way worse when
the people who you think cares most about you don't give you the
proper concern you deserve, nor understanding over the matter.

But with all that is said right now in the cyberspace, I'm pretty sure
you can tell the good advice from the bad, and with that, I think it's
fair to tell the girl/you to figure it out which is the best remedy to
your problem.

With that, I rest my case.

Good day everyone. Fuck bullying.
The right way. Very very silently and discreetly.


done by Ivan Tao.

Feel free to imagine yourself doing this when someone
fucks around with you. Just don't do it outright.


Thursday, February 27, 2014

Shit People Do When They Don't Really Love You

"I love you so very much"
"We're practically married already"
"I'll never ever leave you"

Sweet words. Good effort. Nice try.

But nonsense when they are all words but no conviction.

There's always gonna be someone out there who loves with the entirety of
their being paired along with those who are just pricks pretending to love in
hopes to fill the empty voids they aren't even keen on figuring their own
emotions out.

I'm glad I was the former, and that I had every justifiable right to be angry
over my experience. Because now, realizing everything, everything just leads
to one conclusion:

She didn't love me (enough). And she's just not worthy of my damned time.

Hopeless self-destructive relationships. Might as well go back to unrequited
love and express the emotions in silence from a comfortable distance.

What she did to me broke me to bits. But after living through the experience,
I couldn't help but wonder if there was any other way to make me stronger
as a person than to survive such a collision with her.

To know what loss really means, to know what it means to give everything
but receive next to shit in return for it, hoping for things to get better when
they are already doomed, staying positive even when both the world and the
relationship throws shit at you.

Finding out first hand what a self-destructive relationship feels like. The kind
you're never completely happy about. Always frustrated. Never really satisfied.
There's always something wrong somewhere and you're always drained the fuck
out of your own soul just being a part of it.

And most important of all, how to discern whether a new relationship is worth
the trouble or not, despite all the emotional incongruencies that one may feel,
especially if the attraction is really strong.

Getting hurt sucks. And I know it better than to just jump in headlong and pray
in blind faith all over again. I consider more variables than before and clarify them
over and over at the top of my head until at least some things feel right before
going forward with the intent.

Because it's true that love doesn't require that much brainwork. If it's love, it's love.
You'll know it if you love someone enough. And you'll also know it if someone doesn't
love you enough.

How do you know that? A good sign for that would be when you're not even sure if
someone loves you even when he says that he loves you. You try your best to believe
in the positive, but no matter how hard you try, you can't help but feel eerily insecure
about it all. Because if the love really clicked, this question would be the least of your
concerns. And you should ultimately be feeling really great about yourself.

Almost to the point where you would go couple camwhoring for eternity.

If I happen to like someone again, I'll do my best to keep no contact with that person.
But if somehow or rather that person still shows up and manages to make contact with
me somehow, then that's the first sign. I mean, really. If you're making constant contact
without you trying to deliberately intervene and make opportunities happen, I'm pretty
sure the universe is nudging something at you somewhat.

Then if I learn something new about that person everytime we make contact, that's the
second sign. I'm always interested to know more about someone if I like that person,
but if I ever find that it stops for too long, maybe I really don't like that person that
much after all. Because if I did, it'd only make sense for me to be more alert and
perceptive about the tidbits wouldn't it?

The third sign is the hardest; figuring out if that person feels anything for me at all without
her ever finding out. Don't even bother asking me how I'll figure this out. Because I'm
pretty much scratching my head as you read this. If I take too long and the girl gets
snagged away by another guy, *shrugs* oh well, at least I never confessed and she
never found out.

Either way, I know in the very least that when I do things this way, I can be certain that
there'll be no need for unnecessary heartaches. No need for unsightly confessions. No
room for childish immaturity. No real-life soap drama.

And if I get hurt in the process, it's all on me for having unrealistic expectations from
someone, and aiming for Pluto knowing full well I can't even hit Mars if I launched
a rocket.

Nobody'd be to blame for it. Just me.

Anyways, it seems like my love for someone has been all laid to waste.
But the experience of living through it lives on inside and helps guide me
to better decisions.

The experience will never be enough to compensate my loss of time, effort and
happiness. But suffice to say that it's still better than nothing, and that'll do for now.

Until then, be mindful of your love interests and don't break your heart too much,
while still constantly ask yourself if that person is worthy of your love.