Friday, March 14, 2014

It's Not Nice To Grab Someone's Bra.

Even if you're a girl yourself.

She could have gotten worst. I'm just glad she didn't
and she chose to stand quiet. It may not have been the
best thing for her to do, but it was the right course of
action for her in that particular situation.

I'm saying this because I've been a victim to bullies for
5 years. Maybe longer, but the rest were more internal
conflicts of mine than real physical abuse, so I'm gonna
omit that one out.

And it's clear those girls were aiming to humiliate and hurt
her internally than physically. So as much as I want that girl
to uppercut and elbow their asses, I applaud her for having
the courage to accept them in silence and doing her best not
to react to their provocations.

Anyways, I just wanna share my experience and thoughts out
there regarding this topic with everyone who's had a history
with bullying. Having such a history and living with it isn't
something to be proud of, and definitely not something you
want to feel grateful about.

So I'm not gonna lace this post with sugar. I'm just glad I didn't
have it worse than some of the more unfortunate people out there
with nutcrack parents, a dismal neighbourhood and circumstances
far worse than I've ever been.

With that being said, I wanna start with this:

I've tried fighting back before, and it's strange how when
I did, the bullies hit even harder, and everyone else who's
itching for some action will join in to stop me from hurting
the perpetrators. So much for some peace and quiet. Me
being fat and stumpy when I was younger didn't help much
with fight or flight neither.

I know because I tried raising a wooden chair to give those
fuckers something to ponder about for the next few days after
gritting it in for 3 years.

Funny how the whole class was suddenly alarmed by how
I could hurt someone when people were constantly stabbing
me with 2B pencil stubs, smacking my head with text books
and see how loud it sounds, pinching me for no reason, etc.

If you were fit, fast, big and bad, what would you do to a timid,
quiet, slow, stumpy  and silly fat boy?

I shall leave that up to your imagination.

I guess maybe kids back in the day think being stabbed
with pencil stubs are like mosquito bites or something.
Such a fond memory.

3 were always ganging on me on a daily basis. Another group
would bother me off and on.

I was particularly despaired by the memory where I asked
my family for help, and I was estranged with only one sentence,

go deal with it yourself. 

I was 7 when I asked. I asked till I was 10. After that, I
knew better than to ask again, and I just stopped altogether.
And yeap, you figured it right. Not much longer after that,
I raised the chair against them.

The third time my family just blew me over was the moment
where I learned that wanting to lean onto others is a very
foolish thing to do, and is a luxury few can afford to have.
Ever since then, I've been striving to be as self-sufficient
as I possibly could.

Even today, as a result of my past, I have trust issues. But
I learned to overcome this by just trusting people anyways,
knowing that I might get hurt. Because you won't know if
you can trust someone or not until you give them trust. Once
you do, at least you'll be more cautious. And I think that's a
pretty fair trade for "getting hurt."

And I have reason to believe that this is exactly what happened
to that poor girl. She trusted them to be friends, and genuinely
wanted to have a good time with them. And well, she knows
damn well not to go out with them anymore now in the very least.

Of course, as I got older, I learned to gage and intercept possible
shortcomings, and learn to always keep my ass out of harm's way.
Always have some degree of insurance for yourself.

But anyways, regressing back to the topic at hand; somewhere
along the way, I realized that it was stupid to give the bullies what
they want - your helpless screams and pleas for help by people
who don't give a shit.

Watching you squirm and yelp really gives them a kick. Bullying
for the perpetrators is like weed, only that you're the catalyst to
their euphoria and what propels them is the thirst for authority
and submission.

And by that, I meant authority from them, submission from you,
they win, you lose, they get an ego boost, and you get a confidence
blow. They happy, you sad.

What they did to me was stupid. But I was fortunate enough to
get the right click in my head early to recognize that reacting to 
stupidity with stupidity is an even greater stupidity. And so
I definitely won't condone to a fist fight unless if it's really called for.
Because even if you've learned martial arts, I'm sure you've been
taught to protect, not to harm. Martial arts is called self-defense
for a reason. So don't resort to violence unless you really have to.

Up till this day, I still don't know if my family did the right thing for
me, but what's done is done. And I am what I am now. I've talked
to them a few years back, and I've moved on. I'm just glad I didn't
become a bully myself, and I know how to react when someone is
treated unjustly. Because nobody should be treated that way.

Either way, that girl was probably paralyzed by the betrayal of
someone she thought she could trust. I'm pretty sure she was
looking forward to hanging out with some friends for once, being
the introvert she is. And well, look what happened.

You can run once, and they'll feel the thrill of chasing you like
wolf hunting sheep. And when you see them again in school,
you'll have to run again. What we need to realize with bullying
is that the first course of action will set the tone for future actions
to come.

So I guess if you're looking to be a star athlete, this lifestyle might
just be perfect for you. Who knows, you might even pick up
parkouring with your survival instincts always kicking in.

On a serious note though, sure, you can put up a fight once. Then
if one of your perpetrators gets hurt with a cosmetic wound that
looks really bad, their parents come in with a lawsuit and your
whole family gets dragged into a huge clusterfuck.

I know this because someone I know punched an abuser in the
nose and got him bleeding bad. Great stuff for that someone. I
hi-fived him and laughed hysterically with his bold move when
I heard the story.

.. until he found out his perpetrator's parents were attorneys and
they threatened his family and him for a lawsuit. Suffice to say that
they managed to work out a solution after some very civil discussions.
And that alone took 6 months +.

But that's still not as bad as the worst case scenario; when they bring
a bigger gang and just fuck you up real bad until the day you leave
school in a spree of classic vengeance. I've seen this before, mobs
with knives and nail clubs right outside my high school gates. I'm
just glad I wasn't the target.

You obviously can't fight that. Unless if you're Bruce Lee, in which
I'm pretty sure you aren't. But if you've got a machine gun, maybe
it'd increase the odds of you surviving the onslaught.

Or a chainsaw greatsword. A chainsaw greatsword always works.

Yumiko Hara from Helldriver

... Time to digress.

When you've truly experienced those situations for yourselves, and if
you've lived to tell it, I'm pretty sure most of you won't tell her to just
"run away and stand up for herself." Because you'd be lucky to have
a perfectly healthy body with no physical defects thereafter. And for
those of you who live to fight, I really hope you realize how much trouble
you get yourself into, and even more so for the people who care about
you. So I sincerely do hope your efforts were well worth the trouble.

Whatever it is, I also can't negate the fact that some of you out there
are luckier, and you guys never got anymore bully attempts with one
display of might or the spout of a word in a spur of "courage" by
asking those fuckers to scram.

Trust me when I say not everyone is that lucky. Just because it
worked for you doesn't mean it does for everyone. And I think
it's fairly obvious which one it is for this girl. Even mine only
stopped when I was 11.

However, it's true that you can't be a coward forever. But you
need to know when it's right to strike back. And when you do it,
you've gotta do it in such a subtle way where everything not only
stops permanently, but gets increasingly better over time.

It's like trying to cure a physical illness, just that in this case, it's
a social illness. Sooner or later, we have to learn to stop dealing
with only the symptoms. To cut the root of the bullying dilemma
requires intense patience and massive cooperation with the
community, which is surprisingly difficult, but not impossible.

And by community, I mean the parents of children, peers,
people who are related to the victims.

Fighting back physically is definitely not gonna solve much.
Because when violence begets vengeance, and vengeance
begets even more vengeance and violence... you'll be living
in a very dark world.

As for me, I'd like to think that when people waste time on
you by treating you unjustly, they are just giving you more
opportunities to learn and grow as a person.

Because.. that's probably the most practical and positive
way to work around a crappy life I can think of. 10 years
down the road, you'll know who lived a better life, became
a better person and had more degree of success.

And most important of all, who's lived a happier life.

Bullies are not worth your time, so don't harbor any
ill-will towards them. They are just sad souls looking
for a vent. They will stop eventually when you stop
giving them what they want. But the first step is always
asking for help. If you have a support system to fall
back on, then you'll be able to deal with the bully
situation more practically.

Then if you don't get a support system, even if you've
reached out for help... I'll pray that you're as lucky
(luckier) as I was. Because I was told to deal with it
myself.  And I wouldn't say that to anyone at all. Not
even my children, friends or anyone at all.

Back then, I didn't have real friends to talk to, and my
family didn't really care what happened for as long as
I didn't invite trouble. So if you've got a support system,
cherish it, and be grateful for it. Because you'll really need it.

I knew I needed it, but it wasn't there for me, even when all
the physical aspects of family were there. Sometimes I even
wonder why a family is there in the first place. Whelp, at least
I still got allowances back then, and a few curry puffs here and
there helped to mend the wounds every now and then. *shrugs*


In all honesty, you need to learn to love yourself more than
anyone else. Once you can do that, then you might be able
to find the strength to stop hurting, and stop letting people
hurt you.

The cycle of bullying can stop, but it has to start with you.
You have to want it to stop for it to stop. Remain silent for
a period of time if you will to build up your courage, but when
things escalate, you'll become desperate and you're gonna need
that courage sooner than later.

If you're gonna get a little dirty, might as well dive into the muds
all the way and see what happens.

Come out dirty, and be prepared to face the consequences of your
actions. If you're in that mindset, then you're ready to do something
about your situation.

Not everyone can find the courage to allow themselves to be a
punching bag to ease someone else's suffering. So if you're not
a masochist, I strongly suggest that you don't tread through this
pathway. Because even if you were a masochist, I highly doubt
you can survive hemorrhage.

People might not understand you, and it's always way worse when
the people who you think cares most about you don't give you the
proper concern you deserve, nor understanding over the matter.

But with all that is said right now in the cyberspace, I'm pretty sure
you can tell the good advice from the bad, and with that, I think it's
fair to tell the girl/you to figure it out which is the best remedy to
your problem.

With that, I rest my case.

Good day everyone. Fuck bullying.
The right way. Very very silently and discreetly.

done by Ivan Tao.

Feel free to imagine yourself doing this when someone
fucks around with you. Just don't do it outright.

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